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3/31/04 - ATH
Soakin' in the butter: Woody Paige. Soakin' in sweat: J.A., A., Mary Otti, and open-collared, pink shirt-wearing Huggy.
Woody syas Notre Dame should notrelax their standards on recruiting. Paul Hornung should be thankful Puke is not here. Huggy says Hornung's
remarks should be an insult to Notre Dame and athletes of all colors. Woody says the Lakers are the title favorites because they could easily win 60 with the Big Four. Genius adds Sacramento is the lone serious threat. Huggy still likes Minnesota. J.A. says the Wolves better have home court over the Lakers or else. wp.com says, Hey, J.A.! Minnesota had home court advantage over the Lakers last year and they still couldn't win. First commercial and Woody is in a three-way tie for last.
Buy or Sell: Woody buys Kevin Brown noting he could win 22 to 24 games if healthy. Woody buys My Cousin Vinny as the Cowboys' starter because Quincy "couldn't play dead". Woody adds that Vinny and Keyshawn would
make a great combo. Woody says Ga. Tech's current 9-1 odds only entice people to bet on them and wind up losing their money. Woody says the NFL challenging the Clarett ruling won't have a serious effect on the draft. Just like Clarett topics have no serious effects on this show - boring.com. Huggy is gone
like the Yanks and D-Rays in Japan.
Out of Bounds: Woody dismisses Candace Parker's dunk because women's basketball already is fun to watch. more importantly, ATH without Puke is also fun. Mary says Parker (who will attend UT - alma mater of Genius) will be the next great player in women's hoops. wp.com cant wait - YEAH!!! Woody says the NFL's attempt to outlaw end-zone celebrations are all about old men trying to make decisions concerning the younger generation. J.A. says celebrations should be
encouraged and rewarded. since when have J.A.'s comments concerned anybody?!? Mary does a goofy dance that even made Halle Reali blush. Woody tells Mary to go to a nudist camp and relax and does just that.
Showdown: Woody says Carmelo should win Rookie of the year if the Nuggets make the playoffs - -1. Woody agrees with ninjatampajimmy that T-Mac is done in
O-town - even. Woody says Prior is more important than Pedro and does anybody care about the ending? Woody in the Showdown. No Puke. Life is good. Ratings are up. John got home from his 10/20 game at 7:30am...
P4L!
3/30/04 - "baseball is a simile of life" (aka, WP's $700 haircut)
Head Rascal: Woody Paige. Runts: Puke, Mary Otti, Huggy.
Woody got up early today to watch the Devil Rays beat down the Georges this morning (on that note, ninjatampajimmy also got up early today and will do so again tomorrow) (i, for one, never went to sleep). Vomit was disappointed about MLB starting opening dayin Japan (kleenex on the LA Times set!). wp.com is disappointed that TJ's ban hasnt been lifted. Genius says Coach K is better than YUKON's Calhoun. Puke and Huggy like Calhoun. wp.com has a fondness for nachos bell grandes... First commercial and Alfalfa Paige is in a tie for first.
Buy or Sell: Woody sells P. Tag as most powerful man in sports and prefers Nike CEO Fill Night - while telling Billy Joel (a.k.a. Puke, Vomit, Barf, Chunks) to go play a piano. Woody buys an NYC Super Bowl and Huggy gets points for a Stevie Wonder reference. Woody sells AI done in Philly and thinks he will stay next year. Mary says Iverson will play for the Knicks next year (no cap issue what so ever...). Genius sells A-Rod, Bonds, and 47-year-old (LOL) Pujols as the best in baseball. Woody makes a case for pitchers Mark Prior and Geraldo Rivera. Mary is eliminated after guaranteeing an eight-point answer and getting only three points. "You should be investigated like Kellerman!" yells Mary to the Frau of Fordham - woah... is there something there???
Out of Bounds: Woody says Janet Jackson is yesterday's news and accuses Huggy of being prejudiced - justified! Vomit says Janet will suffer the same
consequences as brother Tito. Woody says Leno is not worth NBC's money and kisses up to saucy babe Katie Couric - indeed. subsequently, Woody offers Huggy a double date with Katie and Janet. Barf Bag is out like Mussina in Japan.
Big Ratings Showdown: Woody says the Mannings will have a better year than the Pats (-1). Woody wants to root for his boy Lefty instead of "Richard" Daly at the Masters (even). Woody picks the Duncans over his hometown Hubies (conquest) and blasts the NFL in his 15 seconds for putting a stop to end-zone celebrations.
thank God mcgriddle celebrations arent banned... the #42 is deservedly fined. NYY bettors are already chasing a -250 to make $100. is WP gunna recognize his lady vols? more problems on the way for CU football. Flying faster than any other aircraft ever built, NASA's X-43A "Hyper X" plane reached a top speed of about 5,000 mph, or about a mile and a half per second, before being intentionally ditched in the ocean. im on the waiting list to pick one of these up ninjas... dont worry, we're prepared for anything. P4L!
3/29/04 - The Brown Pinstripe Episode! (aka, ATH)
Woody Paige (Saville Row), Maggot(oti), Puke, Michael Hockey
a dapper, 39 year old, Woody opens by complimenting Mary Otti on his NCAA Final Four picks and calls her a "Maggot"!!! Woody likes Sheldon Williams as Duke's MVP because he provides an inside presence. Why can't Vomit provide an outside presence - as in outside of this show? Hockey Bear adds that 39,145 people on ESPN.com had the same Final Four teams as Mary (while ninjatampajimmy missed all four teams and as a result clinched last place in the WP.com pool). get over to the message board ninjas! Woody says Yukon's Okafor will play despite back problems. Genius also adds that YUKON is the best basketball school in America. First commercial break and brown pinstripe is tied for second.
Buy or Sell: Woody buys Oklahoma St. as destiny's darlings and talked of visiting the site of the tragic plane crash of 2001 for kismet. Woody sells Dale Jarrett Jack as the NCAA's best player offering John Lucas of Cowboy St. Woody asks if there is a movie coming out on Mary's passion. referring to Mary as the second most "perfect" person ever - YEAH! Puke complains about Mary's self-celebration in her column - whatever@latimes.com. has TJ's ban been lifted yet? Woody says Kings fans should be booing the Lakers (and Puke) instead of Webber. Woody likes MLB opening day in Japan. wp.com likes unagi and spider rolls. you'll be glad to know that Genius went to opening day in Mexico a few years ago. "What's wrong with expanding Opening Day?" asks Woody. What's wrong with the after Buy or Sell results is more important at this time... Woody's gone just like Steven Seagal's career.
btw, this "substitute stat boy" on PTI sure aint employed based on looks and/or his closet. whats his major malfunction?!?
YES! the brown pinstripe made an appearance. did you note Antonia's reaction to THE SUIT?!? WOW! some fireworks today... "maggot" was debuted and hurled at Meatball by WP. AFTER a WP elimination, Meatsauce calls WP a "goofball". I CANT BELIEVE IT, but, Puke sticks up for the not present Genius and tells Mary that he's going to read Rick Telander. THAT is a VERY touchy issue for Mary. Mary ALSO, calls out those that have jumped ship to Fox (i.e., Max and Bill) - WOW! Outside of that, Busch wins at Bristol - again, again, again. The WP fantasy baseball league had they're draft (Pensfan has about 150 posts on the league board ; )) I'm on 8 days in a row of nachos bell grande's. the Kentucky Derby picture has never been more cloudy... i still owe a MAJOR ninja shout post... have you seen the NASCAR IMAX movie at least twice?!? if you havent, i hope you have to intern for Mary as punishment.
3/24/04 - "Nevada is the new LSU!" (aka, ATH)
Woody Paige (certified Genius). Meatball (nimrod), Cowchip (nimrod), Huggy (prospective Paige family member)
the first word is woodypaige.com! mary otti questions the presence of this site? areyoukiddingme.com?!? ninjas, you know the address: jmariotti@suntimes.com. remind that nimrod that we got more influence than Microsoft, China, Trump and nachos bell grande combined! that is followed by some NCAAB talk with Genius scoring 9 points (LOL) on the second topic to vault out of last place. Halle Reali obviously utilizes a girls perrogative when scoring.
B or S. WP says Duke wont roll and is feeling EXavier. wp.com buys ice cream cake rolls. btw, awesome pinstripe, wrong color (the ninjas want you to "wear the brown"). in the interim, Huggy buys WP's Genius. WP then buys Huggys outfit and sells Yukon rolling... WP sells Jameer's tattoo's and buys Oak-a-4 as the tourneys dominant force. wp.com buys ATH sans Vomit. WP sells UAB and buys gambling on Nevada. Cowchip is out like that "Mold Pizza" Kit's weight loss plan.
OOB. Kobe, Clarett, Neuheisel, Barnett, Price, You-Stay-She - whatever.com. WP is a Hall of Fame voter and is not happy at the victimization of the Kobe victim. J-E-T-S whothehellcares! WP, (did i mention - a Hall of Fame voter), loves the idea of the Namaths in Manhattan. no matter, WP is off to bronze and goes out screaming, "woodypaige.com is the source for answers!" - i think im going to cry...
here come some new paige-a-holics! with two website "pops" today, i expect the site to crash and the message board to blow up! again, again, woodypaige.com is worldwide. we are even rumored to be on Mars. wake up sleeper cells and get your recruit on. ATH = Woody Paige. Woodypaige.com = the Internet. btw, put me down for that girl winning "dream job". all mailers include the "paige sleeper cell" city, state, university or planet you represent. with all the mail today, i plan on a HUGE ninja shout post tomorrow... get me at: js@woodypaige.com. if you aint a paige ninja militia member, get over to the message board and handle ya bidness!
3/23/04 - Reno 911! (ATH)
i apologize ninjas... i missed todays show and did not tape it. i am surpised that the brown pinstripe has still been in the closet. the ninjas want the pinstripe and they want dale jarrett to drive the truck. i was told that Genius was eliminated first and was not surprised. with COO ninja jimmy ready at the reference, im comfortable in saying that its been awhile since WP was booted early.
dont forget to find Woodrow in text at the: Denver Post
you want laughs (or maybe im in the minority) but, Reno 911! and Most Extreme Elimination are two sickeningly funny shows. tuesdays are such a waste... why dont they just get rid of tuesdays and add another weekend day? at least come close to evening things out ; ) see you tomorrow - around the...
3/22/04 - R.I.P.: D.V. (ATH is nothing without Genius)
Woody Paige with tostitoes (wear the brown pinstripe for the love of God!!!), Nude Beach frequenter Vomit, Collar Out Mary, and Huggy (who knows a guy, who knows a guy, who robbed a guy)
Both Huggy and Mary say that Kentucky blew it this past weekend. what about the concern of the ninjas wanting to see Ashley Judd in pigtails again?!?. Puke says Stanford was the big disappointment (along with himself). now..., "ATH" minus the disembodied voice is a big disappointment. Woody tells Rev. Barf "you can change your church but you're still wrong!" According to Woody, his Zags "zucked"! (at least YUKON is still alive - LOL!). Huggy agrees with Genius noting that YUKON is dominant. First commercial and Woody is the
top seed - in first.
B(ay area) or S(app): Woody buys Sapp improving the Raiders. How will "ATH" improve without the disembodied voice? Woody sells Carmelo sitting out but LeBron will win Rookie of the Year. Puke adds that Bernie Lincicome has been a dominant sportswriter in both Chicago (Tribune) and Denver (Rocky Mountain News). well, thanks again for www.uselessinformation.com!!! Nobody likes Nevada as an NCAA surprise. Woody likes EXavier as the surprise team. Genius is ATH... Woody sells Ty Law's relationship with Belichick saying Ty is the
worst Law since Judge Roy Bean. Huggy Bear is out like BC.
Out of Bounds: Billy Packer will call St. Joe's next game in the Sopranos/Devils region. Mary says Martelli has gotten over his beef with Packer but Genius says Packer is still bitter. Puke says something about how the tournament should be all about the kids. wow, thanksfornothing.org. Tattoos
is the next topic?!? patheticwriting@ath.com. Mary says MICHAEL JEFFREY JORDAN
never wore a tattoo. Woody likes tattoos and says the best ones are on the lower back of women - LOL! right answer! Vomit admits to having been to a nude beach. WHAT?!? stop the presses! Bishop Puke, Mr. Morality at a nude beach.
Somebody get the Pope on the ninja hotline... Mary is out like DePaul.
Showdown: Woody says Tiger will win a major before the Cubs get to the World Series - +1. Genius says EXavier's Lionel Chalmers is the NCAA's best player in
the tourney - even. Woody says Roy Williams is disappointing as a head coach and then goes off to find a nude beach.
no more D.V., no more crappy commercial break "outtro's", no more "stoned" girl experiment, etc... what a shame. "disembodied voice", "yes, john", "why is this show going downhill faster than grant hills career?" cleverness and progression has sure hit the back burner on this show. yes, the D.V. is out like Jessica Simpson in a spelling contest. he's gone like a slice of carrot cake in front of Star Jones. he's history like this website is gunna be if things dont shape up... this WWE lottery has the writing inadequacies of recent ATH. the D.V. to RAW! (?!?) i needs me a nachos bell grande with the quickness.
3/16/04 - ATH is Woody
Justified prima-donna: Woody Paige. wanna-be-donna's: Vomit, Mary
Otti, Huggy
Woody says the Eagles are once again contenders now that T.O. has finally got/cried his way to town. Huggy says Carolina is still the best in the NFC. Another Philly topic - this time it's AI. Woody says Iverson should not ever
have to come off the bench and really sticks it to Vomit by asking what would happen if Barf Bag's column were moved to the back page. Puke wants to fight Woody right now. Puke do you want a militia of ninjas pouring into that dump you call work and calling you out?!? First commercial and the real Genius is tied for second with Vomit on the bench.
B or (Di)S(embodied): Woody sells WR Boston going to Miami because according to Jeff Gordon (the St. Louis Post Dispatch columnist, not the NASCAR driver) Boston is a troublemaker just like Puke. Woody sells Seton Hall-Arizona and says UNC-Air Force is a more compelling matchup. wp.com's compelling matchup is mcgriddles vs. ho-ho's. Nobody buys Ben Gordon as the NCAA's breakout player. wp.com buys Jeff Gordon (not the St. Louis Post Dispatch columnist) never winning a championship again. Woody likes Ga. Tech's Aussie Chip Luke Schenscher to make noise. Woody buys Pedro to a long-term deal right now and trashes tabloid journalists like Mary Otti. Puke gets benched like Iverson.
Out of Bounds: Genius says Larry Eustachy should go to Texas A&M believing in second chances. Mary says Eustachy should not return to the Big XII. Wasn't that
Eustachy at the Britney concert with Woody last night? - LOL! someone had to get the drinks ; ) More steroid talk - very boring (stomp, stomp (quicker), stomp, stomp, stomp) repeat the prior if you feel it necessary. Mary Otti is cut like Lynch. Paige = ratings.
Showdown: Woody says Michigan State will go the farthest of the Big Ten teams in the tourney and again says Illinois will lose to Bill Murray State. they got they're ratings... we got notre dame'd regarding the advancement.
WP looked simply marvelous and envigorated after a night with Britney and Huggy recognizes Antonia's K-mart suit?!? after friday and yesterdays complete Chernyobl going to commercial break - what was that - today was an improvement?!? you know what? i may need that scoring system put up again... how in the blue hell does Huggy get 8 points in the final OOB topic? watch the tape! i know it tombstoned Meatball but, that is toooo much. the message board is blowing up! lets get 200 registered ninjas with the quickness. get your recruit on!
3/15/04 - ATH w/o the Disembodied is like Woody Paige w/o a tan (ATH)
the peoples #1 overall seed: Woody Paige. NIT bound: Barf Bag, Mary
Otti, Charisma.
Woody breaks out the orange board and declares that the Phenix (sp? is correct! dont question Genius!) will be the toughest region. Mary says Duke is in the tougher region. Puke and Charisma pick the Sopranos region. Charisma bashes Billy Packer for bashing coach Martelli. Woody says Charisma has a beat writer's mentality (LOL!) and agrees with Packer. Mary says Packer is good for NCAA hoops. in other words, Puke is bad for ATH. First commercial and Woody
is in third.
Buy or Sell: Woody thinks Maryland got jobbed by the NCAAs and being assigned to Denver is a travesty. Pittsburgh's own Mary Otti says Pitt was cheated out
of a #2 seed. Unanimous sell on Henson as Cowboys' starting QB. Woody says Tuna won't waste time coaching a baseball player. Woody sells the LeBrons striking
fear in the playoffs pointing out their dismal road record. Woody says Ty Law is done with the Pats and suggests that Law sign with Denver (brilliant! this will happen within the week). Charisma is gone like, dare we speculate, the D_s_m.....
Out of Bounds: Woody defends his boy AI saying that Sixers GM Billie Jean King doesn't know anything. if the Dis. goes, there will be others that dont know much... Puke says Iverson could be dealt to the Clippers. can Puke be dealt to Mars for a space station later? Mary says Affleck will have a better future than Britney saying all she has is looks. "Oops, you've done it again!"
replies Woody, who is attending the Britney concert in Denver tonight AND assures the ninjas that he will be with her at the after party!!! you thought otherwise??? Puke is out like Brock Lesnar.
Showdown: Woody says Illinoise is more likely to lose in round 1 (Mary says it's Florida) -1. Woody says UNC will be dangerous in the tourney - even. Woody
would rather have Lynch on his football team (and begins calculating a very decision theorem only to run out of time!) than Sapp. mary offers an ESPN plagerized 15 seconds of whatwealreadyknow.com!
please, please say it aint so D.V. no speculation on this one. facts only when they come out. who gave you UCONN to win the big east?!? your welcome ; ) any question about the registered user: themanthemythewoody on the message board?!?! HOLLA! and show some love to Genius! any question about how hot victoria is? 4 hours of WMXX... what was the "sleeper" match/event? get over to the message board and post ninja! congrats to the Man. City lads for they're victory in the derby over the weekend.
speaking of WrassleMania... no mention of it on ATH? speaking of nascar... no mention of Jr.'s second win? speaking of boxing... no mention of winky beating sugar or the last two rounds of mesi v. vasily?
whoiswriting@ath.com? where do i send my resume?
3/11/04 - ATH
WP sporting the bronco orange tie, no brown pinstripe ; (, uses the tony montana reference. -1 to start. oh yeah - Cowchip, Mary Otti, Huggy
"if i took Mary Otti's head and slammed it...", says WP (whats stopping you?) re: Bertuzzi. i do not take Bertuzzi lightly... criminal prosecution? - yes. st. joes loses and Huggy isnt panicking. Cowchip is. Genius could care less about st. joes. does anybody care that Vomit isnt here??? WP also knows for a fact that the hawks arent going anywhere in the tourney. i aint moving a muscle during qualifying for atlanta tomorrow...
first commercial and... who in the blue hell is leading us into the break?!? that delivery had the excitement of a funeral.
B(ertuzzi) or S(entencing). WP references Neuheisel regarding the UW hoops team in the PAC-10 -um, exactly! - LOL. big least sends 7 into the tourney? Cowchip sells, Mary Otti sells, Huggy sells, WP sells, sex sells, prison cells, sickle cells... WP buys that Mr. Sheffield and his annoying maid will have issues in NYC. WP buys No-more staying in Beantown. wp.com buys chowda from Legal Seafood when in Boston. Cowchip and St. Joes have something in common - losers!
oh no... the Uninspired Voice is back! UGH... id rather read a Mary Otti column than listen to this. they're pitching this as "sexy"?!? OMG, this is about as sexy as Rikki Lake in her bithday suit.
OOB. steriods, clarett, kobe - boring.com! "you toe rag", WP hurls at Mary re: his steriod comments. "window lickers!", WP exclaims to everyone and loves Tyson in China. wp.com loves ninjas from china. Genius is speechless as Antonia makes a grave mistake and eliminates him.
if you didnt like the ending of smackdown! tonight, you dont know wrasslin... the sheriff mobile is back in the hands of the rattlesnake! Pensfan is in NYC for WMXX representing the Paige Militia. we'll have an online diary and pictures link posted soon. no ATH tomorrow so, it looks like my 10/20 poker game will start earlier than usual. nascar IMAX tomorrow! divorce your wife and leave your girlfriend (but keep your side project) - its worth it in the long run. dont panick ninjas, im confident that the D.V. will be back in the mix next show...
3/10/04 - Why did ESPN shell out $31,270.94 annually for Antonia when we coulda got the "ram-a-lam-a-ham-dam" kid on the cheap? (aka, ATH)
Woodrow Paige (sex sells), Jay Mary-Otti (eyebrows that blend into sideburns), Huggy Bear Holley (serious goatee issues - check the tape!), and Puke (if you dont have something nice to say...)
a confident WP goes into B or S predicting a better round than the standard (nearly) "all tied up" at the first break to then be eliminated first. this cute little move that Reali's Secret plays is getting annoying... "hey puke, any last worthless, pathetic, mr. rogers, insight?" followed by the necessary points to move a panelist, outside of Genius, to another round. we've eliminated the initial scoring definition after (ninja jimmy) how many shows and it still makes no sense. well, i guess it has me typing... so, i'm thinking about putting Cover Girl in front of John McCain for some straight answers! a girls gotta know her limitations and Halle Reali needs a shot of know your role!
one more ATH this week and the ninjas are holding out hope for the brown pinstripe. incredible WPT on the travel channel tonight. mary poppins-otti has "never seen the site". guess who is pressing Vomit for #1 on the most wanted off ATH list?!? well, you MAY be hearing the answers to my posed FAQ questions on his radio show sometime in the future. so, plan accordingly around that NARROW timeframe. the wp.com response to that direct slap in a ninjas face - IM SENDING A SLEEPER CELL MESSAGE!!! get all Topol-M 6th generation ballistic missiles at the ready... again, we are a peace seeking, violent, save the mcgriddles, militia. btw, i so need to be dating my future, ex-wife, elizabeth hurley by this weekend (at the latest). check out the ninjas at: www.wrestlingmark.com. ninja props to PENSFAN for exceeding like 2 million posts on the message board. P4L!!!
3/9/04 - Nobody in CO is Tanner!
Mr. Hawaiian Tropic: Woodrow Paige
Lack of clothing decency: Mary Otti, Cowhip, Puke
Woody opens up the show by asking Puke if he buys his T-shirts by the gross - LOL. cuz they're gross?!? Genius believes that Terrell Owens should stay with the Ravens. By the way, has Vomit filed his grievance yet? Woody says that Todd Bertuzzi's actions were not only criminal (like Antonia's looks) but a premeditated act of violence. Suspend him and Barf Bag while we're at it... Woody is in second place at the first break.
Buy or Sell: Unanimous sell on NBA refs treating Shaq unfairly. Woody sells Godzilla as a #1 seed noting they have a losing record vs. the NCAA's top teams. Cowchip sells Couch Potato as an NFL bust because he had to play in Cleveland. wp.com still buys UCONN to win the big east. Woody says Jake Plummer became a great QB after leaving Arizona for Denver. Puke brings up the fact that Woody called Plunkett a bust while doing "ATH" with Grantland Rice
and Red Smith 30 years ago. watch yourself Puke... wp.com's silo'd W62 ICBM's, aka the warhead used on the Minuteman III missile, arent pointed towards L.A. for nothing... This Just In: Jeff Garcia's dad thinks Barf Bag is the worst columnist ever. "solutions-oriented" Woody sells Mr. Sheffield playing hurt because if he doesn't get surgery then his thumb will only get worse. Cowchip OUT like Martha. NASCAR IN Atlanta this week.
Out of Bounds: Mary Otti is upset that the NFL cancelled its' Opening Day concert. Puke says Meathead is just jealous because the Tribune - referred by
Antonia as the finest paper in the Midwest - beat the Sun-Times to the story. Woody adds if Rev. Puke had his way, then the NFL would have "Up With Plaschke"!
Genius suggests the NFL hire Mary Otti's favorite group - the Chicago Gay Men's Choir - LOL!!! OMG!!! stop the show. just stop it now. absolute instant ESPN classic!!! now what mary otti!!! Woody says Tonya whacking Kerrigan was the lowest point in her career (outside of the time WP spent with her - LOL)Barf Bag says that Tonya turned Kerrigan into an unworthy hero. Yeah, Barf - check yourself! Just like YOU are an unworthy panelist only after ESPN "Kerrigan'd" TJ! Vomit out like the UConn women. a ratings Showdown bonanza.
Showdown: Woody argues that LeBron will make the NBA Finals before Yao - +1. Genius says Lindros was more disappointing than Grant Hill - Even. Woody wins the Showdown after arguing O.J. is dumb and dumber-er then Jesica. Woody mourns the passing of NFL schedule guru Val Pinchbeck in his 15 seconds.
tampa ninja jimmy is as valuable to me as my nuclear capable sub that is about to head towards newport beach - mission: puke. great show today!!!
3/8/04 - WP at Spring Training (The Dont Get It, Dont Got It, No Good Episode - aka, ATH)
Watch grass grow or listen to/watch: Puke, Mary Otti, Cowchip (who did mention kenseth) and Charisma
wp.com opt's for the green... WP is back tomorrow ninjas - no worries.
can't Antonia's Secret pick up another suit after the bump up from minimum wage? ninja holla to the Discombobulated Voice without Reason for the WP update. congrats to fennijer on her engagement - bouna fortuna principessa! i need some canary yellow gators and platinum fronts ASAP. we got RAW! tonight. the torri and sable issue was just "ok". kenseth IS on a mission (looking forward to atlanta already). also, the nascar IMAX movie drops this friday. when is ATH gunna put the D.V. in a square "invisible man" style??? UK/NASN ninjas holla back. ninjas in black trucks holla back. if you aint got two WP shirts, i aint trying to hear ya... hey, either boost some loot off your grandma or take some of that tax return and look into donating to our listed charities under "links". on your death bed, you will receive eternal mcgriddles... logan, that e-mail you forwarded still has me filling my Depends ; ) maryottiispathetic.com!!!! wasnt Vomit involved in that Martha Stewart stuff? someone drop a dime on him - here's hoping... Cowchip gets 15 seconds to discuss nascar(!) and opts for curling (hockey, whatever...) - what a waste of time. ninjasinmink.com!!!
3/5/04 - Woody Paige = Sex Symbol (The Sex Sells Episode - aka, ATH)
Leather: Woody Paige
Cheap Cloth: Barf Bag, Mariotti Poppins, Hardcore Huggy Bear Holley
Woody refers to Antonia as "Stat Girl" to open the show. Woody likens this year's Stanford team to the Duke teams of the early 1990's. Holley has Stanford in the Sweet 16 (we have Vomit going down in the opening round of the NIT). Holley likes the T.O. acquisition by the Ravens (grievance pending). can we move Vomit for a bag of balls? Woody says the Redskins acquisitions of Brunell and Clinton are best. First commercial and Woody is in a three-way tie for last.
Buy or Sell: Woody buys Randy Moss as a better fit for the Vikings than Larry Fitzgerald. Woody buys Sapp as a Falcon. Meathead buys six teams from C-USA in the tourney favoring DePaul as the sixth team. Holley and Woody sell DePaul. Genius says DePaul's "rippie" is lousy (so is Puke's by the way). Woody sells Garcia as Browns QB. Homer Holley says Garcia could provide a "Brian Sipe"-type of presence. maybe the rams should consider a "dieter brock" replacement. Meathead gets fired like omarosa.
Out of Bounds: Genius favors the new recruiting guidelines in college football. wp.com favors new guidelines, regulations, allegations, and decapitations preventing Puke from appearing on this show. at least that stupid salute looks like its gone. Woody says Owen Wilson is funnier than Ben Stiller (hhmmmmmmmmmmm)noting Wilson looks like he's been hit in the face with a baseball bat. sounds like a good message board poll - who would you like to hit in the face with a bat? Barf Bag is out like Eisner. TGIF Showdown.
Showdown: Woody successfully argues that Peja is more valuable to the Kings than Webber and favors Duke as a #1 seed in NCAA's. Victory! After victory, Woody talks about guaranteeing today's triumph - LOL!
go nimrods!
3/4/04 - Woody Paige Never Cheated in College! (aka, a half ass-terick ATH)
WP, Barf, Hair Down Hardcore, Meatsauce
WP dressed in his mob best argues Shaq over Yo. Then, WP argues for the ATL Vicks as the best in the NFC (best in NFL???). first break and i completely forgot. this write up is coming str8 from memory.
same old sh_ _ about steriods. should duke be a #1 seed. harrick jr.'s final exam. you know what, forget it... i watched today and didnt take notes. i aint gunna front on the ninjas. i dont rememeber nothing. meatball was eliminated first (and claimed "witch hunt") and has not repied to my "guest"FAQ". WP, unjustly, was eliminated second (even after factually stating he never cheated in college). so, we had a ratings killer showdown of puke v. hardcore.
unfortunately, i have nothing to report on yesterdays "no show". i can only guess since Antonia was not on PTI that it was related. anyway... lets hit that 200 registered WP ninja mark on the message board! one more "pop" on ATH will put us over the mark. outside of that, i predict that WP wears the brown, pinstripe before the end of the week. nascar is back. UK ninjas cant get enough WP shirts - thanks mates! great activity on the message board; pensfan, athgirl, fleshwound, and all the ninjas - keep it up!
3/2/04 - Obviously not sweeps week (aka, un-super tuesday ATH)
Ninja Party Representative (and the next president of the united states): Woody Paige
Kucinich Supporters: Puke, Meathead, Hardcore Holley.
Woody is not surprised about the San Fran Chronicle report on MLB and steroids. Barf says nobody really cares about the steroid issue (wp.com has noticed sizeable muscle growth on Vomit - let the rumors begin!!!). Woody adds that baseball players will no longer use steroids (yeah, leave the 'roids for the wrasslers). Holley predicts the Colts could win the Super Bowl every year now that they took care of Manning. Meathead warns that there will be salary cap issues down the road (by releasing Vomit, how much cap room will ESPN save?). Woody tells Meathead that the only cap he understands is the one
that Bartman wore. Genius of course likes the new deal because the Colts need a new stadium. First commercial and the real winner (aka, the peoples champ) is in second.
Buy or Sell: Unanimous sell on Upshaw's contract proposal for Terrell Owens. Woody says it's like Upshaw saying that the dog ate the paperwork and it's
nobody's fault but T.O. Woody sells Shanahan staying in Denver. ninjatampajimmy buys the Lightning as Stanley Cup champs. Woody buys giving
up a first-rounder for Randy Moss and says a team with both T.O. and Moss is a Super Bowl team. a mcgriddle and a ho-ho are also tough to beat... Vomit and Meathead like the Kings as NBA champ favorites. Woody goes with the Lakers saying they are primed to win. Holley picks the Wolves. Woody is first one out. Pathetic.COM!
Major injustice on behalf of Antonia today. that was reali cute how she had everyone at 22 going into the final elimination topic. we dont plan on taking this behavior lightly. consider yourself warned. the WP ninja community/militia/sleeper cells demand respect! do you think we tune in for Puke and Meatball?. now, save yourself and mention woodypaige.com ASAP! As mentioned below, the artist formerly known as Maximus Paperhostimus will be on Carson Daly tonight.
3/2/04 - Max Kellerman sighting! (tonight on Last Call w/Carson Daly)
Carson Daly 3/2 lineup
you know Max is sure to mention woodypaige.com ; ) who loves ya MK!
3/1/04 - The Return Of Genius (aka, ATH ratings are up...)
more important than the lord of the onion rings at the oscars - its the return of Woody Paige! back from old mexico and looking tanner than ever. welcome back WP!
Lord: Woody Paige. Hobbits: Puke, Cowchip, Meathead. Does Antonia really have french cuffs on? thats like putting a silk hat on a pig.
Woody opens the show by telling Mr. Barf Bag not to appear on the show wearing his nightshirt (LOL!!! - heeeeeee's bbbbbbaaaaacccckkkkk!) and adds that Lakers Jackson does not mind distractions. Nascar Cowchip sides with Woody - smart move. Genius adds that steroids are not really an issue for the president and says that the major leagues have to deal with the issue themselves. Doesn't Vomit have a lifetime of vacation coming? First commercial and Woody is in third place.
Buy or Sell: Woody sells Terrell Owens staying as a 49er and demands that he be shipped to the worst possible team - LOL. Puke buys saying the 49ers will cut
Jeff Garcia. why stop there?!? wp.com suggests that ATH cut Puke. Woody buys Tiger's win saying Woods excels in match play and sticks with his precdiction of Tiger winning two majors. Meathead sells because the last five match
play winners have never won a major. Unanimous sell on Carson Palmer as Bengals' starting QB. Woody reminds all that Meathead once tried to unseat the Genius at the Post a long time ago. talk about an uphill battle... why not challenge Stone Cold Meatsauce? why not send me your completed "guest"FAQ!!! Woody sells the Portis contract for the Broncos but buys for the Redskins.
Cowchip goes down like Seabiscuit and goes on vacation to Thunder Valley - Bristol, Tenn! (Thanks, Disembowled One). the boys are back this weekend in vegas!
Out of Bounds: Woody says golf fans - including hecklers - should be allowed to talk to players (i swear i heard that guy say "no puke!"). Both Woody and Meathead and ninjatampajimmy agree that Bill Murray got shafted at last night's Oscars. wp.com knows ATH ninjas needed rehab during WP's mexico hiatus. this lord of the onions rings director needs a WP fashion makeover. Woody is
in the Showdown. Meathead out like Kordell.
Showdown: Genius says Keyshawn will be more productive than Sapp. Woody argues that the Nike ad (athletes playing different sports) is better than the
American Express ad (Tiger "Caddyshack" spoof) and shows everybody his vacation slides - LOL! a show in itself - instant ESPN classic. the showdown result?!? Woody's Back!
well, Stat Girl is long term... i can see the message board enjoyment now. on a positive note, stone cold fears no beer and RAW! started out incredible. the sheriff mobile was identified as a 700cc, Polaris "redneck special" - LOL! christian, as usual, delivered and the Rock returned! WP and the Rock returning on the same day. coincidence? wp.com doesnt think so...
2/23/04 - McDonalds without McGriddles (aka, ATH without WP)
after tuesdays airing, there's gunna be some golf to take you through the rest of the week... again, what's ESPN2 for?!? the ninjas are going through WP withdrawls. its like going 4 hours without a PS2 near me. its like a sunday without nascar. its the nature boy without the "woooooooooooooo". its like being employed. its like not sleeping the day away. how about my WWE "sleeper" victoria getting the belt tonight? how about the damage our ninja christian did to trish! that totally reeked with awesomeness... angelina jolie on the cover of the new GQ - WOW! c'mon ATH!!! how about a be-gone-cye break?!?
Multi-vitamins! for what?!?
What to watch on TV when WP ain't around...
Its Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!!
Beethoven, Bach, Gershwin and the...
Only after you own a Woody Paige t-shirt...
for all those that keep mailing and asking (and apparently dont read me here or get to the message board (links):
Max Kellerman and ESPN have parted ways. ESPN vice president Mike Soltys said the cable network notified the agent of the former Around the Horn host and boxing analyst, whose contract expired, that it will not match an offer from another network. Kellerman is over at Fox sports...
2/18/04 - Wheres Woody? (aka, the Wheres Wody Paige Show?)
Genius is on vacation to Mexico for a week. that includes the remainder of ATH this week and the 2/23 and 2/24 ATH airings...
the message board speaks for itself but, i have to give Reali's Secret props for "popping" woodypaige.com on the show today. it was right off the top so if you missed the beginning... the last time WP missed an episode??? you know who i go to - the COO - tampa ninja jimmy. "The last absentee show for Woody was 12/22/03 the day after the Broncos played in Indianapolis on Sunday
night. you got an ATH question? you know where to go. international soccer: USA 0, Netherlands 1. the US didnt get a shot on goal until the 76th minute... didnt get a corner until approx. the 80th minute. Italia 2, Czech's 2. England 1, Portugal 1. we got 100+ registered ninjas in the online "sleeper
cell" message board. dont get left behind. hot topic: Reali's secret - "yes or no". btw, happy birthday jimmy! im gone like a dessert in front of star jones.
do you want write ups if WP isnt present??? let me know...
2/17/04 - The Alex Rodriguez half hour (aka, ATH)
Sex symbol: Woody Paige. Bit parts: Hardcore, Meathead and Puke.
Holley thinks the Yankees should play A-Rod at third instead of Jeter. like it matters... Genius adds that Jeter should be moved to second. like it matters... Puke suggests a Jeter trade to the Dodgers. it took this long for some useless information?!? lets see, how about bonds to the dodgers while your at it. Woody says Maddux won't move to join A-Rod preferring to hit in the NL. Genius also adds that Maddux has a great BFP (whatever that means - but, wp.com is "buying" it). Barf Bag adds that Maddux loves being wallpaper. wow, another bit of irrelevance from the left coast. First commercial and Woody is wallpaper (last place).
Buy or Sell: Woody buys Rasheed traded to the Pistons because he gets along with ex-Tar Heel Larry Brown. Genius adds if the Pistons bring in Dean Smith
then the system would work great. Meathead says Woody is America's ongoing midlife crisis. careful, careful... Woody sells the Sixers trading AI pointing out every time a team visits Colorado players love spending time in the
Rocky Mountains - LOL!. Vomit informs Woody that Iverson stayed in LA. Woody buys Pennington as the Jets' future at QB and he is worth paying. Genius buys the Texas perspective of the A-Rod deal because the Rangers need to admit they made a mistake like the Rockies with Mike Hampton(and ATH with Puke!). Woody leaves to save Howard Dean's campaign.
WP's shirt opens, the female demographic increases, and Teen Beat eliminates Genius - smart move junior. when is prom?!? i cant wait for the another host to step in and spell Teeth Bleach. wow! prior to damnation, meatball gets a "bring back max" sound bite in. i cannot believe that aired! BIG confidence booster for our favorite girl. how many WP shirts you got? five? thats not even enough... nearly 100 registered ninjas on the board. get over there and represent!
2/16/04 - Glamour Girl is a keeper? (ATH)
Saville Row: Woody Paige. K-Mart shoppers: Puke, Charisma, Meathead. Not only does WP look like the Prince's tailor hooked him up but, he references Sir Alex's boys! Man U. is not dominating (and lost to the Wolves this year) but, the reference to the Premiership is a major shout to the ninjas in the UK...
no "lets light this candle" - interesting....
Meathead says George is the best owner in sports. "The VOICE OF REASON is back!"
declares Woody. Puke argues that the Red Sox are still the better team and recalls A-Rod calling Jeter "irrelevant". didnt a-rod say the same about you on "ATH" Barf Bag?!? yeah, like Pukes useless data is gunna effect wp.com's wagering on the NYY's to win it all. Genius adds that the A-Rod deal is good for the Yankees because he favors dynasties. Vomit says the Red Sox will relish in their role as underdog. First commercial and Woody is truly the "peoples" underdog - in last place.
Buy or Sell: Woody buys the NBA All Star Weekend. so does wp.com (we had the over). He especially enjoyed watching the game on his HDTV - LOL! it wasnt broadcast in HD! Woody sells Kobe to the Nuggets (just like in his column in today's paper) because it is too close to the situation. Meathead admits he liked Woody better with laryngitis. better thank Heaven that the laryngitis wasnt long term Meatball... if that was the case, you'd be looking for TV work... Woody likes the Skins potential "Lawrence Welk trade" for Champ Bailey (for first, second, and third round draft picks). Genius adds that Meathead is
mentally bankrupt - thats jus a reminder. Both Woody and Charisma like Mississippi St. instead of Pitt as a #1 seed. Just like All Star Weekend, Meathead leaves the show early (and we wont lose sleep).
Out of Bounds: Woody doesn't think the NBA's suspension of Chris Webber is fair because C-Webb has been punished enough (more importantly, so has my fantasy team!). Woody and Charisma agree that Dale Earnhardt Jr's win at Daytona is a better story than John Daly's win at Torrey Pines. Woody calls Daly a Richard. put it up on the Paige-ims section of the message board!!! Puke is Be-Gone-cye!
Showdown: Woody likes the Knicks' midseason trades and thinks Fred Jones (anderson got jobbed!) was more lucky than Star Jones (no doubt) and Cover Girl finally plays the Genius card to success. How proper is WP's mug on that coveted Gold Medal?
hey all, we are "live" chatting during the broadcasts of ATH on the message board. stat girl is getting a lot of love on the message board too ; ) get to the "links" section and get over there. almost 1k visits a day and nearly 100 registered Paige Militia Ninjas. also, the adios to maximus top 10 should be up any minute. england vs. portugal on wednesday! NASN holla at me. graham - we got close on sunday... its all about points ; ) if star jones lost 200 pounds she'd get down to the rikki lake level...
2/13/04 - It doesnt matter if Genius can talk... (Paige is ATH)
Woody Paige (rain, sleet, snow or sore throat). Barf Bag, Meathead
and Stevie Wonder/Lennox Lewis. why couldn't it have been Puke's voice?!?
Puke actually praises another LA newspaper in suggesting the Lakers drop Kobe. Woody disagrees because he believes the Lakers still have a shot at the title.
Meathead comments that Woody's voice sounds like Harry Caray. "I may have laryngitis but I can still talk better than you!" fires back Genius. wp.com is well aware that WP carries ATH without a voice... Woody likes the NBA sophomores over the rookies in the All Star competition tonight. Woody likes the Spurs' Manu Chernobyl (Ginobli) - LOL - and calls Holley the black Bo
Derek - OMG!!!! - LOL!!!. Holley offers Genius green tea today. First commercial and Woody is in second.
Buy or Sell: Woody opt's for a "pen and paper" delivery - classic. Woody sells Antowain Smith to the Cowboys. Woody sells Garnett as NBA MVP preferring Peja (or "Paig" according to the paper - LOL). Woody obviously prefers Carmelo over LeBron. Woody's sign says "In the butt Bob". alright, i think i've wet my pants... Woody sells Dale Earnhardt Jr. and likes Rusty Wallace because he has softer tires and a new crew chief - LOL - i cant take it. did you give him rusty D.V.? - HOMER!!! ; ) Woody gets the Vin Baker treatment.
5 shows and 3 first round eliminations this week. jimmy, correct me if im wrong on that. but, PATHETIC.com either way. the message board is blowin' up with Cover Girl talk. if you cannot appreciate what Genius did today - GET OFF MY WEBSITE! oh yeah, holley you may have just crossed the line today - nascar is irrelevant?!? and, Clinique Girl agrees - not like her death wish isn't already being served... daytona on sunday (my heart says harvick, my money says #8, my longshot is texas terry). have a great weekend ninjas!
P4L!
2/12/04 - Would Rome relocate to D.C. to host? (aka, thats a "love to hate" host scenario)
Ace of Spades: Woody Paige. Jokers: Meathead, Barf, and Smellerman's jilted lover Bob Ryan.
Woody dislikes the idea of Pitino coaching at St. John's (and so does Louisville native Puke if anybody cares at all - notreally.com). "You wanna go and win the NIT every year?" asks Genius. Cover Girl gives Woody mutes like - dare I say it - Maximus Disappearius. is this fake "heat" i'm feeling?!? Puke says Kobe should sit out the All Star Game and Woody agrees yet again. cats loving dogs, dogs loving cats... isn't it time for Barf to accept the Lennox Lewis approach? not retire on top, just retire... First commercial break and Woody likely won't get to talk about the Simpsons.
Buy (grey goose) or Sell (skyy): Woody sells Shaq vs. Ryan's boy Yao last night saying the game was not important. The others argue that Yao has shown toughness like we wish Clinique Girl would. Woody sells Moss retiring with
the Vikings and demands that the show have a seven-second delay on Ryan - LOL. Woody sells Iverson on the decline because he was hurting for a month. Vomit has been declining since episode one. Barf adds that Sam Smith is the MICHAEL JEFFREY JORDAN of Chicago writers. whatiswiththat.com? Woody buys the SI jinx on St. Joe's saying they will lose to St. Bonaventure and UMass. Genius also
corrects Ryan's pronounciation of tournament. "A diction lesson from Woody Paige is like a lesson in civility from Bob Knight!" yells Ryan. listen Ryan, Woody butters the ATH bread... Woody gets KO'd for the third time this week. but, goes out swinging, "i want to deficate on all of you" - LOL!!!
what in the world of cosmetics was with Cover Girl scoring today?!? jimmy, i know you taped it. all you other ninjas who did, go back and check it... the scoring of Puke and Mariotti was "loaded" - there was "blind scoring". meaning, points just magically were showing up... plus, WP was getting hit with "blind muting". i dont think wp.com and the Paige Militia will stand for this much longer. look, whoever is running things - you cannot expect us to get on Reali, like we did Max, in this way. eliminating Genius must be done in a tactiful way to gain our violent respectful hate. if possible, work must be done on Reali as a "character". also, please - PLEASE - eliminate the "lets light this candle"!!! how about, "lets crack this skull", "lets eat this mcgriddle", "lets quit our jobs", "lets get to woodypaige.com" - ANYTHING!!! more on this on the message board.
happy 30th to my sister jen. happy 38th wedding anniversary to my parents. R.I.P. uncle "chick" - you are an inspiration and you will be missed. possono le mani del signore essere su voi... also, anyone who was not negatively moved by the chants of the mexican fans thrown at our US soccer team can STAY THE HELL OFF MY WEBSITE!!! believe me, those chants were directed at all of us - absolute shame.
2/11/04 - Leather sportcoat day (please, please brown pinstripe to follow (oh yeah, ATH...)
Woody Paige (on the pole). Cowchip, Meathead, Hardcore Holley (provisionals). no Barf Bag needed...
Woody says that Iverson should be more involved in the sixers decisions and that GM Billy King should be the next to go. Genius believes that Brunell with the Redskins could work. After all, Gibbs turned Mark Rypien and ex-Buc Doug Williams into Super Bowl winning QBs. Holley believes that Joe Gibbs should stick with Ramsey. wp.com is concerned about joe gibbs racing's #20 car this speed week... Meathead says the Skins need to spend their money on the O-line. First commercial and Woody is in first.
Buy or Sell: Why on earth would the Bucs want Me-Shawn?! "Martha Stewart would certainly sell this!" says Woody - LOL. losing kellerman is one thing, DO NOT LOSE PAIGE. ATH will be Cold Pizza quicker than Puke blabbers... Cowchip says Dallas and Parcells would be a better fit. how about - whocares@wp.com. Cowchip buys Cuban's beef with Larry Brown (while sporting a lil E hat and shades - love it!). Holley says Cowchip is a Genius. woah, woah, woah. wp.com as kept you in good graces Thee Michael Holley but, watch who your calling Genius - there can be only one... Woody buys Larry Brown because Brown knows what he's talking about - good enough for wp.com... Woody buys Magic as the greatest Laker ever because it is all about being a player not a GM
(Holley likes Jerry West). Woody buys LeBron in the dunk contest to please NBA fans. Meathead argues the dunk contest hasn't been the same since - MICHAEL
JEFFREY JORDAN! am i missing the humor with that?!? Meathead out like Wesley Clark.
Out of Bounds: Woody finally survives an elimination round and we get a Clarett topic... kinda like winning at the track and your girlfriend didnt make it to the window on time. Cowchip says Serena in SI's swimsuit issue is the only way to sell women's sports. serena, are you people nuts! anna k. is in this damn thing! Holley goes into Vomit mode (your trying our patience Michael...). Woody is reading NASCAR's annual swimsuit issue - LOL! about damn time. cmon WP, you were born in nascar country! "Have you ever seen Dick Trickle in a bikini?" asks Woody - OMG! stop it now - LOL! pure Genius. thank God for depends... Woody makes the Showdown. Cowchip is off to daytona.
Showdown: Woody would rather have Corey Dillon instead of Rocky Top Charlie Garner and likes the Franchise over the Glove. the result? whocares.com! At least they finally removed the face of Maximus Solongius off that Gold Medal.
2/10/04 - About the time it takes to handle a McGriddle (aka, the amount of time needed to view WP on ATH today)
Best in Show: Woody Paige. non-placer's: Puke, Charisma, Meathead.
"Number of hoops in a day is not a stat", and neither does the number of times you spend in the makeup room, Stat Girl! Rasheed is gone to Atlanta. more importantly, so is nascar after daytona. Puke says Portland's new additions Abdur-Rahim and Ratliff will turn the Blazers into contenders. "It's nice that out of all the opinions you throw against the wall, you finally got one right!" says Genius - LOL! Charisma accuses Woody of having a wardrobe malfunction - you gotta be kidding... hey Charisma, how about your personality malfunction?!? easy my man, your 3rd string outta boston (aka, your on a 10-day contract). Woody tells us that we actually have to feel sorry for
Tyson because he is becoming a sad, pitiful figure. oh no ninjas..., do we have to apply the same logic to Vomit?!? First break and Woody is tied with the Blabbering Barf Bag for last place.
Buy or Sell: Woody buys Randy Ayers being fired as Sixers head coach. Woody
buys Brunell going to Dallas so he can control the team for the next three years. Charisma says the team needs a running back. Meathead sells Notre Dame saying Willingham might jump to the NFL after next year (YEAH - OK! like that has a chance of happening...). Woody points out that tradition-rich Oklahoma came back after a few bad years. holtz left N.D. after recruiting "tightened up" - what else needs to be said??? Woody sells Shaq as the NBA's best ever saying Shaq wasn't the most dominating player ever on his own team (Kareem and Mikan were better). Meathead says Shaq hasn't matched Jordan's accomplishments. Clinique Girl eliminates Woody early yet again! obviously not sweeps week. attn: Atlantic Video - please check Powder Girls ear transponder... She doesn't seem to be getting the message that: PAIGE = Ratings!
2/10/04 - Whos going to be the new face on the Gold Medal?!? - breaking news...
whats up with "show"killerman, aka "negotiatus myselfus outta the ballparkus" maximus moronus?
Max Kellerman and ESPN have parted ways. ESPN vice president Mike Soltys said the cable network notified the agent of the former Around the Horn host and
boxing analyst, whose contract expired, that it will not match an offer from another network. Kellerman, who sought an increase to about $850,000 annually,
might wind up at Fox Sports Net in a multifaceted deal that could include the entertainment industry.
how do we feel about this ninjas?!? hit up the message board to discuss... we're also discussing how hot linda cohn is, how critical the ho ho is to your diet and how both China and North Korea continue to sell missile technology and missile systems. also, North Korea continues to sell missiles abroad. North Korea has offered the 1,000-km-range No Dong missile, and the Chinese sold between 30 and 50 CSS-2’s, a 2,200-km-range missile. the message board hits all topics ; )
Paige Ninjas Message Board
2/09/04 - Don't blink our you'll miss Woodrow! (aka, a ATH ratings bust...)
grammy winner: Woody Paige. un-honorable mentions: Barf, MadCow, and Hardcore Holley
Woodrow doesn't think Fitzgerald should be a high draft choice because he will be involved in only 7 or 8 plays a game. any chance those numbers are the same for Vomits ATH contract to espire?!? Puke predicts Ben Roethlisberger will
be the first draft pick. wp.com would rather see J.A instead of Puke (its like picking between spending money on your girlfriend and spending money on your girlfriend). Meathead mentions the fact that Fitzgerald grew up around Cris Carter in Minneapolis. "I grew up around the NBA but that doesn't make me a power forward!" says Paige. i grew up playing video games and, and, and... and i play a lot of video games... The Pride of Tennessee says Stanford deserves to be the top team in the nation. Barf Bag says Stanford is not in his Top 5 and that their gym is a trampoline (um..., like usual, wheneveyouarereadytomakesense.com). Genius compliments Holley's turtleneck and nose ring. First commercial and Rocky Top is tied (with Holley) for last place.
Statistic Girl is handing out points like its "gift time" at the Clinique counter...
Buy or Sell: Woody buys the Pro Bowl because it's good for the fans. wp.com opted for daytona qualifying and a nap... Meathead hates the Pro Bowl and is stunned to hear Chicago was the most viewers (not this chicago viewer...). Woody sells Rasheed staying with Portland because his production
is down. Holley buys believing in the maturation of humans. when will that apply to me??? (hopefully never). Woody likes Brunell to the Skins and predicts Brunell to be the comeback player of the year. wp.com likes Vomit to cover front line Iraq. he'll be the "not" comeback player of the year. Woody sells the Pats dumping Antowain. wp.com sells MAC Girl dropping Woody from the show.
did you blink?!? this was tyson v. spinks. at the end the Disembowled tells Stat Girl he watched NASCAR instead of the NHL All Star Game. right on Limbless one. as for what's-his-name, here's what Jerry Greene wrote in OrlandoSentinel.com today - "Here's some good news – Max Kellerman has not been hosting Around the Horn because his ESPN contract has expired. With luck, that won't change". be-gone-cye winning those Grannys means a lot more cut screen's (like there aren't enough already). this last (i believe its the last) mission on Castle Wolfstein: Resurrection is driving me nuts. its the segment where you reach the "ritual site" and must kill two uber soldats at the same time. any assist here would be great - please mail me. i am nailing those Puke Lovers with my entire arsenal - HELP! the beginning of RAW! tonight was priceless (i so need a ATV now) but, the rest... hey, seems like ATH set the tone...
cmon WP! break out the brown, pinstripe this week! the site frequenters need a "sign". al-jeezera has been blocking our cryptic, nonsense, propaganda, ho ho's, nascar, violent, peace messages...
2/06/04 - ATH (aka, speed week begins!)
Woody = Blue Devil and the others (Puke, Meathead, Charisma) = Tar Heels.
Woody says Duke/UNC is arguably the best rivalry in sports. Puke says it's the Dodgers/Giants. Woody tells Barf Bag that Dodgers/Giants stopped being a
rivalry once the teams moved and says Puke wrote about the bands while covering USC/UCLA - LOL! Meathead and Charisma argue it's the Red Sox/Yankees. HOLA!!! no max - you dont have to mention the George's... Puke says Chicago is lucky to have a columnist like Rick Morrissey. we are?!? www.thanksfornothingasusualbarf.com. Woody displays and reads from the
Constitution (mentioning the "militia" - crypted call to arms ninjas! yes! read into it...) to make his point. First commercial and Woody is loong dapper while in third.
Buy or Sell: Unanimous sell on Kobe helping the Lakers. buy kevin harvick this year. Woody likes Stanford in the Final Four saying they have a #2 ranking in the "S-curve". the "wp.com - curve" sells that meredith from the bachelorette. Puke says the Pac-10 is down this year - NO!?! REALLY?!?. Woody likes Greg - not Kevin - Jones in the NFL Draft because Greg Jones played in the state of Florida. g.j. was a preseason, heisman pick of wp.com at 40-1. Woody says he would rather read a Meathead column than watch Davis Cup (tough call) and likes the NHL All-Star Game because of the scoring. sell the chances of Barf scoring at a Playboy mansion party... Charisma is gone just like N'Sync's J.C. at the Pro Bowl.
Out of Bounds: Clinique Girl says what we all feel (the obvious): ATH is always interesting with Woody. keep it up and you MAY get wp.com's backing for the candidacy of ATH host. Woody was at the X-Games recently and says Extreme Sports will be mainstream sports in 10 years. Woody wants Super Bowl III to become a movie. It starts with Namath guaranteeing victory and ends with
him kissing Suzy Kolber - LOL! who runs the city! Meathead wants a Jordan
expose'. Puke says the Jordan movie could work if Meathead was played by Rick Morrissey - yougottbekidding.org. Meathead is gone looking for this Morrissey ninja.
Showdown: Woody likes the Duncans over the Queens as NBA champs. Woody says he would rather work for Steinbrenner than the Donald. Who cares - Woodrow
wins - ratings are high - its the right thing to do. hoping for the "brown pinstripe" early next week...
BIG racing at gulfstream and santa anita this weekend. new world poker tour shows have already started on the travel channel. have i mentioned things have started at daytona?!? forza rosso neri and ajax. the message board is buzzing... who is gunna be in the "control" chair of ATH on Monday? tons of factual speculation, rumor and lies on the message board. ying yang killt it on carson daly last night - HAGH!!!!!!!
2/05/04 - Stat Girl in stone?!? (aka, the drama continues...)
Woody Paige and the academic ineligible (Cowchip, Meathead, and Hardcore Holley).
How about a Clarett topic? whocares!.com. i hope AZ drafts him so we wont have to hear from him again... Woody thinks that the ruling on Clarett's draft eligibility will stand despite possible gambling connections. gambling connections?!? so much for my eligibility... Genius adds the Patriots should take a chance on Clarett. Holley goes the other way. "What's wrong with a guy
reading the good book?" asks Woody (on Kurt Warner). then, WP banishes Meatsauce to hell - LOL!!! first WP runs him outta Denver now, Genius is sending him packing to hell - OMG!!! take that after your snide viagra remarks! Woody thinks Dallas and Oakland are better places for Warner. Cowchip however says Warner is untradable. First commercial and Father Woody is in a three-way tie for last.
Buy or Sell: Woody buys his boy Clinton saying the Broncos need to restructure his deal. speaking of contracts (i should keep my mouth shut but, i SOOOO want to say something). Woody sells Houston trading the Franchise saying Ryan's boy Yao is the bigger problem (shooting under 50 percent). can it be possible that Puke's contract is up too?!? here's hoping... Woody buys Maddux to the Cards (and so does Meathead!?) because the team has imposed a salary cap on
themselves. Lancome Girl brings up the fact that the Cards bullpen is a lot like being married to the ugliest woman on the planet. alright Lip Liner, just "keep traffic flowing"... leave the comedy to Genius and wp.com. Woody sells Lennox better than Tyson simply because he will be forgotten in a
hurry. Holley buys with the fact Lewis has defeated everyone he has faced. Cowchip to catch media day at Daytona.
Out of Bounds: After consulting with the Highest Authority (LOL), Woody agrees that ESPN was right to cancel "Playmakers" because they want to keep their deal with the NFL. Meathead scolds the NFL by saying everything that has happened on "Playmakers" has happened to the league in reality. Woody prefers Hawaii as a good golfing spot because he loves to wear Hawaiian shirts (makes complete sense). No chance of Woody and Lancome Girl playing a round of golf together anytime soon.
Clinique Girl week concludes...
first practice at daytona tomorrow. the shootout is saturday. speedweek is herre!!!! lets get this nextel cup candle lit! as an fyi, a little work on your intro. T. "lets light this candle"?.... a bit weak. cmon princess! your basically interviewing... put some hairspray into in, heavy on the lip gloss, do your nails up right! now, stand up and act like a girl! ying yang on carson daly tonight...
2/05/04 - Show "kill"erman update...
Fighters aren't the only ones with difficult contract talks. Max Kellerman, ESPN2's Friday Night Fights studio analyst, won't appear this week while working on a new deal. ESPN's exclusive 10-day negotiating window expired Saturday, and Kellerman, an FNF staple since its 1998 premiere, is fielding other offers. He's also sitting out his daily chat show, Around the Horn, this week.
there you have it ninjas... if maximus "no money-us" negotiates like he answers "guest"FAQ questions, start getting used to Clinique Girl. either way: askmeificare.com
2/04/04 - ATH (aka; Stat Girl III or, No Puke II)
Woody and the leftovers...
Woody defends Bob Knight by saying he only occasionally steps out of bounds. "Did he hurt the cucumbers in the salad bar?" asks Genius. Woody also
says Knight will stay at Texas Tech until he surpasses Dean Smith's win total. Ryan suggests Knight should break the record at Fresno State. what did any of that have to do with the Patriots?!? - Next Topic! Woody says Marino leaving the Dolphins was a personnel decision adding Marino's wife never liked the idea and Marino was better off on TV anyway. Lancome Girl asks Genius, "how would you know what Marino's wife thinks"? to which WP modestly replies, "thats my personal business" - LOL, OMG!!!!! that just may be the best ever... do not question the rocky mountain's Cary Grant when it comes to the ladies. i could have turned the channel right after that. Meathead says Marino was basically just a figurehead (kinda like paper hostimus maximus). JA says the Dolphins are
in trouble - NO?!?!?!?!?! Woody leads at the first commercial break.
Buy or Sell: Woody buys Maddux to the Dodgers because the team needs to show some life. Meathead sells and we all know why. Woody sells AI as trade
bait saying the Sixers just need to surround him with some talent. Woody buys the Knicks in the Finals because the defense and Marbury's career have both
been resurrected. Meathead sells by saying the last time Lenny was in the Finals Woody didn't need Viagra. Woody says the Falcons will match Carolina's success because Diddily-poo Jr. and Alex Gibbs will put an offense around Vick. Woody is the first out and does it really matter who hosts this show anymore? Lancome Girl hads out points like the Cubans defense.
Tampa ninja jimmy "chinese star" of the day: Ryan has won only once in
three Stat Girl lead episodes so there is no East Coast bias here. ryan didnt win today. Get over to the message board and register ninja!
2/03/04 - ATH
Woody Paige and the rest (Hardcore Holley, Meathead, JA)
Woody says his boy Bob Knight did not deserve the suspension that was offered to him. Meathead says Knight is self-destructive. Meathead also says P.
Taggy (NFL Mob boss Tagliabue) has a crisis with the Justin-Janet flap. Holley says the issue is all about hypocrisy because Justin's lyrics included the word
"naked". whatever.com. JA says that the first thing an infant sees is a naked breast (the first thing i saw was a point spread). "Let her breast satisfy thee at all times", quoting Genius from the Good Book. First commercial and the Apostle is in second.
Buy or Sell: Woody sells Shaq's suspension for cursing because KCAL-TV (Lakers' affiliate) got what they deserved. wp.com demands to know how Puke would react to this?!? a little conflict of interest here huh Mr. Rogers... Meathead argues Shaq is having Super Bowl-itis. thank God the viewers dont suffer from lack-a-vomit-itis. Woody sells Bron and Melo as All-Star snubs. Meathead
buys LeBron but sells Carmelo. Meathead buys Brunell as the Dolphins' answer at QB because he is the best out there. Woody also buys but says Kurt Warner is the best out there. best website on the internet??? no contest... Woody says the Pats will repeat if they draft a linebacker and running back and
sign free agents on the O-line. lets see..., that leaves them only needing to fill the napkin dispensers and the championship is a lock. Meathead is gone just
like Smellerman.
Out of Bounds: Woody says that Greg Norman's comments on Wie are made to promote golf tourneys that Tiger is not in. JA defends Wie. Hardcore Holley angers Woody, Parrotheads, and ninjatampajimmy by saying Buffett should retire. Genius fires back by saying his boy Buffett is the national anthem provider and suggests 50 cent should quit - LOL! just as long as the ying yang twins can carry on - HAGH!!!! JA is gone just like Justin and Janet at the Grammys.
Showdown: Woody says the Colts will win the next Super Bowl instead of Philly - +1. Woody says the Tigers will win a title before the Lions - even (imo, WP's/panelists side's are picked in advance). Woody is victorious by saying the Duncans will make it back to the Finals. 15 seconds about the most corporate holiday ever...
i got the flu and i'm not feeling too clever - if thats what i am. im usually called much worse. go ahead and mail me. i dont segregate my hate mail. i treat all mail equally. wp.com is a equal opportunity mail receiver.
2/02/04 - the day after (aka, ATH)
lets get the most important issue outta the way: your welcome! wp.com released CAR +7 last week and we're glad to line ninjas pockets. thanks for the mail ninjas...
Guest host: Stat Girl. forget that "Tony Reali" stage name. wp.com has seen the birth certificate. wp.com has seen the drivers license.
Woody Paige and the filler (Puke, Meathead, and Cowchip).
Genius was partying with Patriots fans last night (hhhhmmmmmmmmm....) but does not have last night's Super Bowl in his Top 5 all time (SB III, X, XIII, XXV, and XXXII). Meathead says the Super Bowl is nothing more than entertainment attracting women and children. well, and a money making opportunity for ninjas that take my advice. Woody says the Pats of this year are the greatest ever (hhhhmmmmmmmmmmm...) noting the team has strengths from their weakest to strongest players and that they could easily beat the 1972 Dolphins (hhhhmmmmmmmmmmmm.......). Woody is in a tie for second at the first break.
Buy or Sell: Woody sells Brady better than Montana saying he needs to win at least one more title. Cowchip argues that it is an appropriate comparison. Woody buys Delhomme as the best losing player ever because his QB rating was better than Brady's. Puke says Carolina could have easily won last night. Cowchip says Thurman Thomas vs. the Giants was better. Woody sells Fox going for two saying he made a stupid decision. Woody is the lone buyer on Belichick being better than Tuna because the Pats were able to overcome injuries (wow! a new topic - boring.com). Cowchip is out like Janet's boob. The Disembowled takes the opportunity to reference Nascar with Cowchip's elimination (13 more days until Daytona...).
Out of Bounds: Woody says Puke and Meathead used to look at Sears catalogs and National Geographic (LOL!!!)(i think Puke has been Readers Digest since day one) and that the NFL got what they deserved from Justin and Janet. Meathead simply says the NFL got "Punk'd". Woody thought the streaker at the Super Bowl was funny. Puke is calling for the security personnel to be fired. wp.com is calling NASA and volunteering Vomit to reside on Mars. Woody winds up getting stripped off the panel.
what is the deal with Vomit? if it was up to him, we'd all stay locked in our homes, without TV's, churning butter, without ho-ho's and we'd just be able to read books. Opus Dei anyone?!? and seriously, its almost like Puke "foams" at the mouth when he speaks. Vomit "foams" at the mouth when someone else speaks. attention on the L.A. set: Clonezapam, Valium and Lexapro - ASAP. wp.com gets stressed out just watching him. what in the world was Stat Girl doing?!? last word Meatball, last word Puke... she jumped two panelists over WP! what a joke... just like Patriot side money last night.
1/30/04 - TGIF ATH
ATH at the superbowl comes to a close... REVERSE!
showdown: WP is victorious after sealing the deal by predicting that CAR stays within 7. my pick is on the message board. btw, the message board has NE winning (spread not taken into consideration). 15 seconds are taken to speak on CAR QB Jake D. and his horse racing background while growing up in Breaux, LA. Jake D. is active in the racing game with Set-Hut stable and calls fellow cajun (jock) Robby Albarado (the guider of Horse of the Year - Mineshaft) a close friend. hey, can you knock it?!? i smell MVP...
oob: superbowl halftime options are discussed and WP opts for Queer Eye(?) and adds that the panel would be well served by watching and learning - LOL. saved... i dont know how i would have explained that one. lets see, the whole Be-Gone-Cye leading off with the national anthem was mentioned. isnt it time for her to disappear yet?!? hey, someone call me when the game actually starts. The Manicotti is old and gets dumped
b or s: in no particular order... that PPV lingerie thing was brought up. you know what - screw that... did you see the helmets, shoulder pads AND the outfits?!? you can see more skin at a funeral - holla at'cha boy. if you pay for that, DO NOT add this website to your favorites. cuz, i aint trying to hear you. what else... oh yeah, Rashweed Wallace to GS for Cool Nick and Eric Dampy-er. askmeificare.com. well, i kinda do as Speedy C. would get me more fantasy minutes. alright, make the thing happen. i dont know what else, probably more CAR v. NE... played out at this point. let the game and the CAR +7 money come in... Cowchip is thrown.
quite a few panelist references that have roots at wp.com are utilized today (texas tim and thee mike holley). no charge fellas, i'm herre for the good of the whole. NE or CAR, CAR or NE. thats what starts the show and everyone weighs in with what they're been saying all week. let me see if i got this right (who picked who): WP - CAR+, Hardcore Holley - NE, Meatsauce - NE, Cowchip - (adament)NE. works for me... i LOVE the opposite of public perception. add, with the move back to 7, the public is betting NE. can i get the hook by kickoff?
who: WP, Cowchip, Meathead, Hardcore Holley
i'm behind with some chinese star ninja holla's but, i'm, short on time. hey all, thanks for making the message board launch a good one. i dont know how it happens but, we're getting 1k+ visits a day. is everyone getting turned on by my knowledge of mass destruction weaponry? of course not but, get over to the board, register and post. there is some serious fun going on over there and thats what we all about - holla at'cha man. TB ninja jimmy, your "break" is over ; ) looking forward to getting ya back. seamax, you are the top 10 king (i know im behind). ninjas are fiendin' for your flavor. thanks again for the board assist justin - dont mess with TX. big ups to the Paige Sleeper Cells rep'n hard. thanks for the mail and i'll put you on the map soon.
1/29/04 - one eye opened ATH write up
i was so tired today i could barely switch over to the deuce... this one is gunna be short - dont blink or you'll miss it.
King of the World and them....
WP believes that pudge is going to be the rebuilding block of the detroit tigers. anyone been to the D lately? they should start by rebuilding that whole city... WP also believes in NE after speaking with the WR's and hearing how Marcia Brady throws the ball. wp.com has the winning superbowl wager posted on the message board - no charge. not interested in what Them had to say in this segment. first commercial - short nap.
alright, some crap about the George's getting A-Rod... "show"Killerman offers that the NYY's should offer Boone for A-Rod. yeah, wp.com thinks that maximus vanilla icimus should resume his "hip hop" career. anyone else not impressed by his ability to remember old school NYC lyrics? i grew up on it too and i dont even have cute facial hair... rakim is hard to beat though. i think there was something about John Boy Danny Ainge in boston (or was that yesterday?). um, Puke wasnt on again. Teddy Long was. At some point, Meatball was coming in at a high decible level. Meatball is gone like Byron.
i remember the question of Urlacher in TNA. heres the deal, which nobody on ATH cared to investigate... Urlacher has a ninja wrestling for the fed and showed up to deliver a pop. and, if you saw the PPV, he delivered. no harm, no foul. WP nailed that on the head and Meatball didnt. Teddy Long decided he wasnt going to talk about the Steinbrenners anymore. and WP was eliminated like a ex-russian microbiologist working on nuclear fusion for a rogue nation.
did you catch all that? i'm certain i missed nothing. oh yeah, woody had on the denver orange crush, volunteer orange, tie. max had on his k-mart best suit and tie. mr. charisma has some new "thing" with flexing... can someone help me with that??? whats worse; the Charisma flex or the Puke salute? you know what i'm thinking... i'd fire two SM-68B, Titan II (first stage - 430,000 pounds of thrust, second stage - 100,000 pounds of thrust) all-inertial guidance, hyperbolic fuel, on-board oxidizer, warheads with the capability of being fired from a hardened WP underground-silo launcher at Puke and Charisma - to never find out. eddie guerrero proves that "lying, cheating and stealing" has its rewards by winning the rumble on smackdown! how in the hell is nascar the leading vote getter in the "what isnt a sport" poll on the message board? well, "the panelist who must O'Brien" is going according to plan. get over to the message board ninja! milan ac on top of serie a and ajax sharing the lead in holland - this euro-american is happy... how many more days til daytona??? speedweek is like basically tomorrow!!!
1/29/04 - have you voted for the ATH panelist that you cannot stand?
if not, get the hell over to the woody paige message board! what are you waiting for ninja? that board is all you... we got some serious conversation going on over therre; we're talking mcgriddles, the 1/27 disaster, the superbowl (the wp.com pick is posted), fight club meetings, james brown, charlie brown, PS2, wrastlin' and how the Russian are building huge underground nuclear bunkers and weapons production facilities in the Ural Mountains, clearly intended to function during a nuclear war. yep, things are serious at the WP Ninja message board. represent your paige "sleeper cell" and get over there, register and post!!!
1/28/04 - ATH (have you registered at the WP Ninja Board?)
Paige Ninjas Message Board
Genius: Woody Paige. Waste-us: JA, Teddy Long, and Holley (where's meatball?!)
Woody is disappointed at the lack of star power in this year's Super Bowl. wp.com hopes to see MK balloon up to Star Jones' level. JA likes He Hate Me as a big story. well..., thanks so much for NOTHING JA. dont worry, wp.com doesnt expect much. Holley and Teddy Long agree that a great Super Bowl doesn't
always need stars (like ATH doesn't always need Puke & Meathead). Woody says Ainge is purposely destroying the Celtics so they can get better in the future and free up cap room. JA points out that the idea has not worked in Chicago and Orlando (remember Grant Hill?) in the past. First commercial and Woody is ahead of Teddy Long in third.
Buy or Sell: Woody sells big Rick Majerus as a Top 10 coach because he didn't coach at a big time school. Unanimous buy on LeBron making the All Star Game. who the hell is buying this Meredith on the Bachelorette? wp.com has its external standards... Genius says fans need to see LeBron and Carmelo. Woody buys Sheffield at third and mentions Hector Lopez who "couldn't catch a cold" but still played in seven straight championships. Teddy Long is just as sick of
the Yankees as we are (and cant say it enough). Woody sells Drew Henson in the NFL because he wasn't great QB at Michigan. Teddy Long is eliminated proving there is justice after what happened yesterday. see you in, oh..., lets says august at the earliest???
Out of Bounds: Woody doubts a minor leaguer could survive after gay porn and says the closest that Genius ever came to gay porn was agreeing to do "ATH" - LOL!!! instant ESPN classic! Woody says Jessica and Nick are an intelligent couple (LOL!!!) and that they only look dumb on TV. JA is gone like Howard Dean's campaign manager.
Retribution/Showdown: Woody says Shaq is dominant on offense. We're down a point. Woody says Indiana will make the NCAA tourney instead of Michigan St. We're even. Woody says Boston is a Celtics town more than a Patriots town.
Woody wins! Redemption! 15 seconds of scalding water is on its way!!! what in the blue hell?!? - ITS Meathead! Yes, Woody brings in Jabroni to keep his consecutive appearance streak intact (now at 161 shows).
if you listened real close, you could hear woody and meatsauce mention the new message board (thanks again justin). check it out ninjas. bottom line, jessica simpson can be dealt with - did you see the jacob she laid on nick?!? $55k, iced out and sicker than SARS. you all gotta check out that arrest photo of the "sex machine" james brown... oh my God, that pic is mad funny - I FFFFEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLL good ; ) - livin' in america
. johnathon from va beach, va (clipse country - holla). big ups to the ATH writers for doing some unique at the end. as a reminder, its still Woodrow's show... as a reminder, get 5 WP shirts.
P4L!
1/27/04 - pathetic ATH = no write up
wp.com has its standards. so, today is WP ninja holla day. thanks to all who mailed in regarding the below entry.
get over to the message board ninjas! you like Puke? post it. you downed 15 mcgriddles in one sitting? post it. you dream of Woody? post it. you spend more time playing PS2 than doing anything else? post it. you haven't showered in 4 days? post it. sign up and login!
Paige Ninjas Message Board
today was a roy jones jr. losing in the olympics episode. it was a public execution! the worldwide Paige militia is calling on ESPN and Atlantic Video to issue a weeks suspension, w/o his minimum wage pay, to the supreme RICHARD - paper hostimus, in bed with ryanus, aka the big uranus, maximus waste-a-timus. or, we will accept a complete facial shave. P4L! gimme a hell yeah ninjas!
russ in springfield, oh. cartman in seattle, wa. st. paul, mn alex. jennifer and julie at GA Tech. the ninjas at UT austin. buffalo bill in buffalo, ny. CA ninjas; len, jeff and jessica. iowa hawk matt in IA city. WNOX the voice of the volunteers in TN. sean, pyrahh317, brian, pablo and erin from somewhere. miami, oh grad. robert cressy - check him out at astimeexpires.com. grady and other U of IN ninjas. rastlin' jon. the brutdogg. alberto rep'n brooklyn. chris from morganfield, KY. go ducks matt. tampa jimmy. cinncy nick. houston justin.
1/27/04 - pre-ATH (maybe) write up
i may be taking this too seriously but, if you are ok with maximus jerkimus giving teddy long an unprecedented 8 points (!!!) for the sole purpose of booting Genius then - GOT OFF MY WEBSITE!!!
i was sick yesterday so i didnt post. i am pissed off now so, i may post today. whats with teddy long love anyway? he's 3rd string dallas and is on once a month. WP was rocking it today! who cares about yesterday. each day is an independant dice roll. its not based on yesterday, today or tomorrow. you know what ninjas, whatever... i cannot wait for this message board to get up. the paige militia, and you are worldly, can go ballistic! i am limited in my speech in herre but, i want, when warranted, text violence in that message board! ok MK, seabiscuit was terrible and mystic river sucked... and golf and nascar dont merit recognition. are you kidding me?!? who reviewed his resume and gave him a job?!? i guess cute facial hair and the ability to read cue cards helps. oh yeah, boxing is a "forefront" sport. your boxing intellect translates to what? what? NOTHING!!! boxing popularity must be at all time high - YEAH!!! the heavyweight division is a joke, the ruling bodies are a joke, ringside officials are a joke, PPV fees are a joke, promoters (i.e. kings past and arums present) are a joke. and the best, most entertaining fighter in world resides in the phillipines(sp.?)(manny p.). check yourself paper hostimus idiotus! why dont you jim o'brien yourself?!?
those that know this site is better than ATH, gimme a HELL YEAH! give me your name and city so i can post it. OMG! stacey kiebler confirmed for playboy. RAW! writing getting lazy. christian has mic skills. how could i forget?!? much love to the paige ninjas that hollered WP.COM at WP while at the x-games. yep, Genius himself was in the media tent when recognized - holla back.
1/23/04 - JLO and Be-Gone-Cye (aka, ATH)
sorry for the delay in this post ninjas... i got an early start on the weekend (i.e., the milk drinking started early on friday ; )
Most Likely to date J-LO: Woody Paige (don't be fooled by the rocks - and the sweater - that he's got, he's still Woody from the block). Least Likely: anyone else.
Woody says UNC's blown 24-pt loss to FSU was worse than Kansas's home loss to
Richmond. Meathead agrees with Woody because he thinks FSU is not a basketball program (Hola!?! Ward, Cassell, Sura?). Meathead also thinks T.O. should go to Philly instead of going to ATL to hang with lil on and ying yang. "Jabroni, you live in a world that is not reality!" replies Woody, who likes the Falcons because his boy Alex Gibbs is the new O-line coach. Mr. Rogers says Gibbs means nothing to T.O. (Yeah, Mr. Rogers, just the same as you to ATH). First commercial break and do you even need to ask where WP is?!?
Buy or Sell: Woody sells Norv Turner to the Raiders and offers ex-CU and WU gambler Rick Neuheisel. By the way, ninja jimmy is interested in the Prez/GM job only if Davis, aka, ralph furley, offers all the Sunday comics sections he can read. Woody sells his own column (LOL!!!) on Super Bowl ads being better than the game. as if there was any doubt, wp.com is paying $3m for an ad that will be beyond controversial... Meathead says he's cancelling all of Woody's reservations to Houston. being that we're cancelling appearances, doesnt mr. rogers need a couple years off to finish his childrens book... Woody buys
Scottie's criticism of the Bulls. Meathead sells because Pippen has no credibility. wp.com has more than 1.8 seconds of criticism to offer meatball. Smellerman can't tell hockey from NASCAR? (Where's Cowlishaw when you need him?). Woody buys Jagr to the Rangers because they need to answer the Knicks changes. Mr. Rogers is dead - literally and figuratively.
Out of Bounds: Woody likes the possibility of an NBA team in Vegas (wp.com likes the possibility of anything having to do with vegas) and mentions Memphis, New Orleans, New York and Philly (neighbors of Atlantic City) as
examples. Woody likes Jesse Palmer as the Bachelor because it will give him a higher profile. Charisma puts down Palmer because he is a Florida QB. ok smithers, like you have something to offer to anything.. Meathead is gone just like Bennifer.
Showdown! Woody says the Pats have a better defense than Carolina (and the Pats will win the Super Bowl) - we're up a point. Woody is tired of Ben and J-Lo (about _ _ _ _' _ time! someone said it!) Woody wins and mourns the
death of Capt. Kangaroo (a.k.a. Bob Key-shawn), which explains Woody's red sweater (which is undoubtably a Brioni).
alright, i have a lot a lot of ninja shouts to get out and i will get to them on monday... major news, looks like we ARE going to get a message board up and running AND a photo link. yes ninjas, i have saved all submitted pics and will get them up ASAP. much thanks for houston shogun ninja jimmy for the assist on those fronts. i guess the time off didnt serve Peace Rules at santa anita. i guess Bailey's thinking about that cross country trip... dale jr. had the debut of his "diary" on MTV tonight. the 500 is right around the corner. also, we got royal rumble action happening as i type!!!
1/22/04 - ATH (no barf bag needed)
WP in "stately" square #1 and the rest of the filler...
As a "solutions-oriented person" (LOL) Woody (the sound bite king) suggests that the Raiders hire a president/GM that is 2003 and not 1960s. why not a 2234 prez/GM? Ryan suggests the Raydirs bring in Ron Wolf to revive the franchise. wp.com suggests hiring tampa ninja jimmy - he's thorough beyond belief ; ) and he'll settle for $1m. Woody says Wooden is a better college coach than Coach K. Genius points out that Wooden won with Alcindor and Walton (thats tougher than listening to Puke on ATH) and won year after year with different line-ups. Cowlishaw adds the 78 straight NCAA wins. First commercial break and Woody's in last place. what a surprise...
Buy or Sell: Woody sells J-Will as ACC snub and says Duncan was more worthy than Sampson, who was a mediocre pro. of course that matters when discussing a college "all time" team! LOL. Cowlishaw says Duncan should have been
in instead of Len Bias. Woody buys T.O. to Philly to prevent mass communication suicides. Meathead says McNabb can get along with anyone - even Woody. watch yourself Meatsauce, wp.com did not appreciate your tone right therre. Woody
buys Halladay, from "baseball-rich" Colorado (WP, i hope boras gets you $10m to take over "Rome was boring"), and his contract. Woody sells Ryan's boy Yao (yo!, yao, yo!, yao, yo!) as an all-time great. "T-I-E means pussycat in Chinese!" explains Genius. if you dont take WP's word for that, get off this site! Meathead is gone just like Keyshawn's belongings.
Out of Bounds: Woody likes video game simulations of football games, which are more accurate than sportswriters in Boston. wp.com likes video games more than work, showering, responsibilities, etc... Genius boasts of kicking a 9-year-old's butt on X-Box. "Did you notice that Woody didn't give one tangible piece of evidence in that question?" asks Boston Bob. YES HE DID! it was just so intangible that it went over your head! Woody likes Serena's sequined tennis outfits instead of Foreman's big and tall line. Ryan says Foreman is Midas. Woody is more Midas than Foreman. speaking of Midas Eyes..., Peace Rules is the horse to beat this saturday in the Sunshine Million at Santa Anita. holla if you hear me TJ! Woody is outta here, proving once again that
Smellerman just has no taste in clothing. the viewing audience is out like j-lo...
please believe, MK and the DV are gunna talk that up on friday. instead of ATH friday it should be JLO. much love to steel town mike, PA chris, dirty south justin, chris r., penn state ninjas, el paso ninjas, (651) in MN and long beach scrappy. dont be nervous everyone, daytona speedweek is just around the corner... memph bleek "right there" is hittin', ying yang is hittin', bravehearts is hittin', the youngbloodz cut off tourque is live. different note, dont sleep on the new crystal method release neither. seamax and tampa jimmy puttin' it down - holla ninjaz!
P4L!
1/20/04 - ATH (who dressed Puke today?)
the first word is: WP's suit! buy or sell: buy WP's suit! oob: does any panelists closet come close to WP's?!?
Barney's frequenter: Woody Paige. K-Mart shoppers: Puke, Meatball and Hardcore Holley.
tom brady, peter brady, michael brady, cindy brady, the stupid cousin brady or marcia marcia marcia brady. Meathead likes the Pacers for thier defense. when is wp.com's defense gunna get recognized? as an fyi, wp.com just invested $512 billion on a National Missile Defense (NMD) system - a fixed, land-based, non-nuclear missile defense system with land and space based detection systems capable of responding to a limited strategic ballistic missile threat to wp.com from a rogue panelist. Woody asks Meathead to stop smoking with the Bulls mascot - LOL!!!! Genius has the Pacers as the 8th seed in the West. First commercial and Woody is back in Denver and in first place.
Buy or Sell: Woody buys Fitzgerald to the Raiders although Al Davis is nothing more than Howard Hughes or Hugh Hefner (well, put me down for being either). Puke says the Raiders need a QB - NO! REALLY!. Woody buys Gunther Cunningham over his boy Greg Robinson as Chiefs defensive coordinator. Woody says Pudge and Maddux will choose the Mets over Tigers/Cubs. Holley is sick of A-Rod (wp.com is sick of Puke) rumors but Woody is not: "Was it over when the Germans
bombed Pearl Harbor?" asks Genius - instant ESPN classic! - LOL! Maximus Stupidus is tired of hearing chants of "KEEP WOODY!" and tells Puke to go watch a "Family Ties" rerun.
Out of Bounds: Woody thinks George Dubble-ya needs to worry about more than Steroids (by the way, Charlie Pierce was on "Cold Pizza" today on this discussion) bringing up the economy, the homeless, and Iraq. Woody loves
hockey fights and says "NASCAR is all about the wrecks and hockey is all about fighting!" well, at least NASCAR was mentioned... Woody says women love to see fighting. the wp.com poll on this topic says the same ; ) Meathead says those are the women Woody hangs out with. well, at least he hangs with women. Holley is out like the Celtics. Showdown time!
Showdown: Woody says the Panthers need Delhomme more than Davis - we're winning. Woody says his boy Peyton should be the NFL's highest-paid player - we're shockingly tied. Woody goes with Cincy/Louisville over Duke/Maryland - and who cares what happens next!
"KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!" "KEEP WOODY!"
1/20/04 - WP does D.C. - ATH (same last paragraph as yesterday)
Genius and the less fortunate (Puke, Meatball, and Holley).
Woody is glad that the A-Rod for Manny deal is supposedly back on again. Is the Vomit heading to Mars trip still planned? Puke says the Sox should have won the Series last year. And, Hardcore Holley should beat Brook at the Rumble... NFL Hall of Fame voter, Genius, would put Tuna (Parcells) in the Hall but not Tuna Helper (Belichick) - LOL. Interesting exchange between Puke (who likes Tuna) and Holley (who goes homer on Belichick) that carries over into the next segment. Woody shares last place with Meatball at the first break.
B(usta Rhymes) or S(noop Dogg): Woody sells Sean Payton as Raiders head coach going with "Romeo, oh Romeo" Crennel. Woody buys the Pistons as best in NBA East with Thomas and Dumars averaging 37 pts. Puke argues the Pacers have a better defense. wp.com could care less what Vomit says. you want defense?!? wp.com just dropped $471 billion on a AN/AAR-44 passive Infrared Warning Receiver designed to provide warning of Surface to Air Missiles (SAMS) and pass information to countermeasures systems. Speak to that Puke! Woody sells a Bulls overhaul and is shocked that Meatball didn't sell what he wrote in his
own column - LOL! Unanimous buy on Ty Law as top Super Bowl defender. wp.com will not compromise op.'s by exposing all defense systems that are in the theatre... Maximus Idiotus is caught in the ATH Gaza strip and is threatened to let Woody move on to the next round or risk losing viewership. So, Meatball goes and the ratings remain.
Out of Bounds: Woody argues Tiger is better than Wie (who dare i say at 14 is hot!). Holley adds the LPGA is not really popular. Puke however says Tiger is
old hat. please, please pink slip this guy! TJ, for the love of woodypaige.com, offer a public apology. Woody says Howard Dean is basically done and notes Dean sounded a lot like the Macho Man (OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!) in last night's speech. Woody is eliminated, upsetting viewers of the Iowa Carcass, also those in NEW HAMPSHIRE, SOUTH CAROLINA, ARIZONA, NEW MEXICO, OKLAHOMA, NORTH DAKOTA, DELAWARE, PENNSYLVANIA, OHIO, and MICHIGAN - LOL!
if your interested in a showdown that does not include WP - get off my website! lets see, NASCAR made the most important point changes ever and nothing... cowlishaw would have said something. 21 more days til daytona...
1 + 1 = 2 new top 10's! get the blue hell over there ninja! thanks chris. alright; cheers to my UK Paige "sleeper cell" mates Pete and Andrew. thanks as usual to karen for the site help. no thanks to waking up before noon. check out some Paige ninjas at: http://krappitykrap.tripod.com. first time mailers; k. springy, NY alberto, mike clifford. and, much love to the "hate" mailers. i dont think i've ever gotten this much mail from new england ; )
1/19/04 - Who gave you CAR on the moneyline? (yeah, ATH was on today...)
New Hampshire's choice: Woody Paige. Nobody's choice: JA (Vomitless! thank Heaven), Meathead, and Bob Ryan. Woody spoke about having an epiphany after yesterday's playoff games and personally challenged the Pats! YES, WP plays both ways, 11 on 1. wp.com makes WP a -7.5 favorite ; ) JA says coach Andy Reid is to blame, Meathead says McNabb can't do it alone and Genius says that the Pats are from New England. As for whether or not this year's Pats are one of the greatest (yeah, OK!), both Meathead and Boston Bob say that the talent is way deluded. At the break, Woody has the lead by one over Ryan. Ominous sign...
B(uy) or S(hirts): Woody buys the Eagles rebuilding. wp.com sells this Chicago weather. Woody buys his boy Manning as responsible for Indy's performance yesterday. Did you buy wp.com's advice and collect on CAR +170!?! Ryan sells because the Colts' D has allowed the Pats inside the 20 seven times. JA says it's all a team game (thanks for the clever insight...). Unanimous buy on Fitzgerald as a pro prospect. Genius says Fitzgerald is a great possession
reciever and is also humble. wp.com says he is undersized and is a possession receiver and kick/punt returner (i.e., desmond howard at best). Woody sells Pujols as the Cards' franchise cornerstone (wow) arguing pitching is the real cornerstone. JA is gone like Dick Gephardt - LOL.
Out of Bounds: Woody believes in the SI cover jinx. Ryan adds that 37% of SI
covers have led to disaster. 100% of Hustler covers lead too... Meathead likes the phenomenon of "American Idol" (please, please someone send in a Chicago reliever - i.e., ME!!!!!!!!!). Woody says "Ted Mack's Amateur Hour" was a better talent show. wp.com chimes in with Bernie Mac and "where went?" rodney mack. Woody is gone but not before clarifying his prediction of doing ATH in the nude: "I said I would do this show in the 'Hood!" which, without question is Drama City (D.C.)
alright ninja's, i was looking for something BIG today. i mean, WP coming off the Pat prediction debacle and having him physically in D.C. for taping. what do we get??? manning in foxboro - NOTHING! lazywriting@ATH.com. what did i get?!? nearly 5,345,654 mails from Pats fans demanding something - anything. here should have been the scenario: i mean, the wondering if he would be nude... possibly topless... how funny would that have been? how about (to save face)(for the sake of entertainment), WP taking off his shirt with a bunch of stagehands running in with robes and stuff. how about a "near naked" cutscreen of WP streaking? how about those "snow shower" bars that block out nudity covering WP's torso in his panel (as if he is naked and the other panelists could have really "hype'd" it up)? they (ATH) wasted a great opportunity. PLUS, WP was in D.C.! they didn't even do anything out of the ordinary with him being physically present - very, very sad and lazy writing... how about if you tuned in today to see WP saying, "these four things..."..., with the fourth being a "frumpy" maximus stupidus being banished to a panel.
RAW! was boring tonight as well.
1/18/04 - Tensions are high... WP in the northeast
we know whats been said. we know whats on the line if IND doesnt win. but, the way wp.com see's it, if IND doesnt win..., the female demographic is in for the treat of a lifetime. divorce lawyers, get ready for a run of business if the Mannings dont come out on top. yes, its been confirmed, when WP landed in Logan, he did have on 3 bulletproof vests. wp.com is still trying to get confirmation of the rumored speculation that WP took out 10 patriot fans, single-handidly "ninja style" in the baggage claim area. WP and wp.com aren't "quick to back down"!
ok, degenerates - CAR, moneyline, +170. get rich, get WP shirts.
1/16/04 - Casual ATH friday (who's in leather?)
Showstopper: Genius (looking spectacular at 39 years of age). Filler: Puke, Meathead, and Michael "Charisma" Smith.
Woody predicts a Colts victory on Sunday. wp.com predicts its only a matter of seconds before Puke says something worthless. Genius argues the Pats have a "Charmin" defense, and compares Walter Peyton to Butte Montana. wp.com compares Michael Smiths personality to watching grass grow. Puke makes the "great defense" argument for the Pats citing the Ravens and Bucs in recent years - wow, thanks for the insight. how about a ORIGINAL though! Woody also likes Philly in the other NFL game by saying McNabb can win a game all by himself and Reid is 14-1 in "big" (prime time) games. Meathead agrees. Puke and Charisma do not - whocares.com. First commercial and Woody is in third.
Buy (WP shirts) or Sell (anything you have to do so): Woody buys Wie's first round in Hawaii saying her effects on young women are similar to
that of Tiger and anyone who disagrees is a psycho - LOL!!! Unanimous sell on another one of Woody's boys, Ed Donatello being fired as Packers defensive
coordinator (yawn.....). Genius says the Pack were looking for a
scapegoat. wp.com is looking for someone else to represent L.A. Meathead thinks Woody should run a halfway home for fired defensive coordinators. wp.com thinks Meathead is late with his guest FAQ. Woody sells the Titans cutting Eddie George loose arguing George should finish his career in the Music City. wp.com buys black market plutonium. Woody sells Air Canada as an NBA franchise player saying he should be on a team that already has one. Charisma buys based on popularity alone and then leaves for a meal at Legal Seafood. do Charisma and MK share the same facial hair sculptor???
Out of Bounds: "legal" Genius says Jayson Williams' sit-down with Baba Wawa is a bad idea. Woody's favorite Ben Stiller flick is "Something About Mary" - citing THEE scene and getting muted! The others like "Meet the Parents." Woody is sent off to Boston to join Charisma. don't worry about static WP, the ninjas got'cha back in beantown!
1/15/04 - Woody Paige = Ratings (aka, ATH)
Woody Paige: Extraordinary Gentleman. Puke, Meathead, and Bob Ryan: Not so extraordinary.
Woody likes Lenny Wilkens as new Knicks head coach. Genius brings up the success of seniors such as Vermeil, Gibbs, McKeon, Stengel, Mack, Flair and Hogan. Both Meathead and Ryan dismiss the move and both add that Zeke will eventually wind up coaching the Knicks. "Is there something in the Legal Seafood clam chowder (the best on earth mind you) that makes you a BAD HOMER!" Woody asks Ryan. Ryan's column today says the Pats are America's team. Woody says the Pats are Irish-America's team. Puke brings up the fact that the Pats were the least watched of all playoff teams this past weekend. WP.com brings up the fact that NO ONE watches ATH to watch Puke. First commercial break: Woody is last and Ryan has the lead. Back to normal.
B(utkus) or S(ingletary): Woody sells Seminole Sam Cassellas best point guard in the NBA (although Puke votes him best looking). Cassell is not in Genius' top 5 point guards in the Western Conference! WP.com can feel that (b-diddy, bibby, payton, nash and magic johnson). Puke likes Dr. Seuss while Meathead and Ryan like Cassell. "Manning is to cold weather as Superman is to LEX LUTHOR!" says Woody (on Peyton playing in cold Foxboro Sunday). Genius says Peyton grew up in cold weather (in Louisiana/Knoxville). Boston Bob asks if
Woody's med's have kicked in yet. Yeah Bob, aren't you do for a Viagra refill! Woody buys Lovie Smith (who coached under Dungy and Kiffin in Tampa
Bay) as Bears head coach noting it's good for diversity in the league. Meathead of the Midway sells and is upset that the Bears didn't get Nick Saban. Unanimous
sell on Pudge to the Tigers. "Fudge Pudge!" says Woody. WP's eliminated and we're on to PS2.
Why doesn't ESPN hire McEnroe to replace Maximus Crapius?
overdue holla's: ninja matt in IA City, bad doggy and the paige "sleeper cell" in MN, the ninjas rep'n Rhode Island, rocky top Tom Miller (who is in charge of nuclear waste removal at UT), new mailer Liger, new england matt, scott and his girlfriend (send a pic!) to name a few. ninjas: give me a name and city and your up... keep sending the hate mail you blind followers of Vomit. i do truly look forward to it. HEADS UP! chris, aka "seamax", aka "king of all top 10's", is back! new top 10 to drop square on your dome's in a minute. keep checking.
1/14/04 - ATH (woody puts woodypaige.com back on the map!)
take pride ninjas who held out til the end... as the show was going to black - WP let out a crystal clear - "WOODYPAIGE.COM" reference. thanks boss! thanks to those at Atlantic and ESPN who let that slide ; ) as usual, thanks too to tampa jimmy (aka, shaft WP ninja)
and they're off...
Ultimate Bachelor: Woody Paige. Non-bachelors: Mr. Rogers, Meathead (anyboy ever look up jaymariotti.com??? - LOL!!!), and the scourge from the east Bob Ryan.
Woody believes that Mike Fratello can be successful as the Knicks head coach. btw, lenny wilkins (who starred as "grady" in sanford & son) got the job. Woody says the NFC Championship matchup is boring and that the Panthers are the Fratello of the conference. Meathead says John Fox is underappreciated. we know that WP.com us WAY under appreciated. Genius doesn't care about coach Fox or the Fox network. bottom line, we care about Woody and nobody else! First break and Woody is back down to earth - last place. ah, to be home again...
B(achelor) or S(urvivor): Woody buys Shaq carrying the Lakers because he is the only player other teams can't stop. Woody brings out the orange board (YES!!!) on the Mavs (re: Pat Riley as coach?) and gives the top ten reasons why the team sucks (Cuban is 1-10) LOL!!!. Max pulls a Woody by saying Don Chaney instead of Nelson. Woody sells a Maddux reunion with the Cubs because Meathead
(who also wants Pudge) wants to spend Tribune's money. Genius says St. Louis is a better fit for Maddux. Woody buys Mularkey to the Bills because of his
offensive genius. Ryan sells and calls out the others for not knowing anything (pppppuuuulllllleeeeeeaaaaaassssseeeeee). Mr. Rogers calls out Ryan for not mentioning Charlie Weis (like anyone cares). What the . . . BOB RYAN IS FIRST OUT?!? where's that TiVo rewind button...
Out of Bounds: Woody says the steroid issue in tennis is not a problem (re: McEnroe) and points out that 98% of tennis players look like they've been on
Chucky Atkins. Woody calls sexist Vijay a "Richard" (for his comments on Michelle Wie) and wants Vijay to keep his mouth shut. the "richard" list keeps growing!!! i smell a new link cooking. Puke asks Woody what it was like to
interview Babe Didrikson. open the silo's and point the Patriot's towards LA. Vomit is now the 2nd most wanted behind Bin Laden. Woody is eliminated and somewhere out there Vermeil is sobbing.
BUT, as mentioned, hopefully you all did not turn to Rap City on BET just yet. WP puts out the nationwide call for all smurfs, ninjas, strippers, valets, ex-enron employee's, etc... to check out woodypaige.com!!! GENIUS!!! again, thanks boss!
i'll take the 15 seconds to ask all that received year end bonuses, won gambling and stole money from they're sisters over the past year to check out our listed charities under "links" section. please consider the ADA, juvenile diabetes and victory junction. ninjas, do what you can for those less fortunate. thanks!
P4L!
1/13/04 - ATH
when does someone plan on starting: anybodybutplaschke.com?
"Welcome back to the show that not only lured Woody Paige out of retirement but will certainly force him back into it!" Yeah! And while we're at it, why don't
we send you to the unemployment line, maximus"without"talentus! who has a $100k closet? woody paige. who gets dressed by they moms? Mr. Rogers, Meatball and Holleywood.
Woody likes the Marino front office hire by the Dolphins saying he finally has a shot at a Super Bowl ring (and he has better talent than Matt Millen). Woody doesn't think retirements matter (re: Clemens to Astros) after all, Genius retired at 40 and came back at 41. I'm just glad Clemens and Pettitte finally broke out of Yankee Prison! First commercial break and Woody is . . . IN
FIRST PLACE! this may be based on looks alone.
B(lackjack) or S(lots): Woody sells the Lakers without Kobe, Shaq, Malone, Worthy, Shaw, Johnson, etc... Woody sells McNabb's 4th and 26 and goes with Wilt beating the Warriors in double OT. Meatball and H.W. like the 1983 Sixers and Mr. Rogers takes 'Nova over Georgetown. Woody buys the firing of his boy Greg Robinson as KC defensive coordinator. Meatball says Robinson should have been fired last year (wp.com says you should phone in sick to ATH for the next year!). Everybody sells a Syracuse repeat and Woody, of course, simply puts it best: Carmelo is gone. So is H.W. from this episode.
Out of Bounds: Well, well, well: Another Clarett topic. what took so long! Woody agrees with the recently departed H.W. that Clarett should return to OSU. We're still waiting for TJ to do the same for ATH. we want TJ! we want TJ! we want mcgriddles! Woody says the fans deserve to vote for the NBA All Stars. Mr. Rogers is gone but, no one said for good ; (
Showdown: Woody likes Dagwood Wannstedt (kinda sorta, not really) over Grady Martz and is down a point. Woody likes the Clemens/Pettitte tandem instead of Brown/Vazquez and there goes Genius' winning streak at one. death blow going against maximus idious' NYY's... once again, another example of the man keeping us down.
have you mailed PTI@ESPN.COM like i told you yesterday! get to it ninja. obey me! much love to tampa ninja jimmy. this ninja comes through like Shaft. now look WP Militia... i just dropped $457t on: ground-based interceptors, sea-based incerceptors, Patriot PAC-3 units, and sensors based on land, at sea, and in space. for what you ask??? hate mail has been on the increase and rogue fans of Puke, Meatball, Adumbday, etc... are capable of anything. wp.com has you covered. now, i need to sell 4,123,454,166,895,234,132,413,653 shirts to pay for this crap. but, safety comes first. P4L!
1/12/04 - ATH (aka, "todays precursor to RAW!)
bottom line, WP won and gave 15 seconds to discussing the forward pass. uuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. i've tivo'd that 15 seconds 82 times and i'm still searching for a "hidden code". there must me a message for the ninjas in there somewhere...
others: Mr. Rogers (Vomit), Macaroni, THEE michael holley.
NFL playoff comments puts WP in last place at the first commercial. btw, Mr. Rogers is looking pretty "risky" today sans a tie. WP, of course, is the one with the deep closet.
b or s. i think there was big east NCAAB talk, clemens talk, pete rose talk, woodypaige.com talk, mcgriddle talk, ric flair talk, and clarett talk. who cares! "paper hostimus" maximus had WP gone... but, WP moves on (based on the fact that if he didn't, 57% of viewers would be switching to BET's Rap city). well, i am switching back and forth anyway. Macaroni is off to help the Cubs sign Pudge.
oob. lets see..., how will Mr. Rogers respond to the NCAA's Brand's comments re: Big Snoop?!? if you dont already know, get off this website! WP breaks it down positive with "pro-dogg" references. Holley is in line with Vomit - major disappointment. i dont remember the other topic ("quick to back down" was playing on BET) but, it doesnt matter... Puke is off to a Dr. Seuss reading.
what are you looking here for? i told you WP was victorious. now, help me decipher his code with that 15 seconds he utilized. it may be a call to action.
alright ninjas, a mission: copy and paste the message below and mail it to pti@espn.com. subject line: when will either of you man up? message:
i'm part of the "woody paige militia" (aka, a WP ninja) and i'm just curious to know if either of you (tony or michael) hope to mirror the fame and global adoration that woody paige has gained with woodypaige.com?
if ATH doesnt have a segment to recognize ninjas yet, we'll bring it to the next half hour. fill up that PTI inbox! RAW! tonight and R.F. looks good in gold. new American Chopper on Discovery as well. 28 more days until Daytona. AS Roma WILL get caught by the Rosso Neri. and, I am late in recognizing Englands Rugby championship victory - congrats mates! PS2 gamers; i've completed max payne II, hitman II, manhunt and reached 111/111 on need for speed: underground... what should i start on next? get at me. also, that reno 911! show on comedy central is mad funny (i know i'm late on that too).
1/9/04 - ATH (aka, "the show that keeps WP down...".)
The lineup: batting cleanup - WP. batting 7th, 8th and 9th - Puke, Uni-brow and Holley. WP wears a red shirt and black jacket and starts -2 after saying the show's result yesterday was fixed and Smellerman admits to it!!!
First word - Rams-Panthers Woody picks the Rams, who cares about the others. "Faulk you Holley" comes from Woody. Next is Titans-Patriots. Woody picks Titans to pull off the upset because of McNair. SURPRISE! Woody is in last by 1.
Buy or sell - Woody buys Rasheed Wallace for the Knicks. "Who cares if he lights up a joint in NY, huh Max?" LOL!!! DeLaHoys-Mosley fixed? Woody sells it, no way something this big would be fixed. Holley calls MK and Puke boxing experts. LOL. Jim Mora as Falcons coach? WP sells b/c they need an offensive mind for Vick, not a defensive one. Colts chances? WP buys b/c KC has tanked. Puke is gone after Mariotti says flip-flop on TV. Justin doesn't know why that's such a big deal because Mariotti's opinions flip-flop all the time. Tied up in sec. w/ Woody
Out-Of-Bounds - Reaction to Rose interview. Meatball read the book twice. WP says he waited 14 years to tell him the truth, so make him wait 14 years to put him in the HOF. Gateway offers $10 mil. in scholarships to USC-LSU to play and another $10 mil to the winner, but the NCAA stepped in and said it cant happen. Woody says that it's in the NCAA rules that they can't allow it, but encourages them to change the rules. Holley and Woody in the finals. I'll book the Astrodome for them to play it out AND PAY FOR IT OUT OF MY ON POCKET! Or course, I'd make millions if I did it. $$$ to pay off my college!!!
Showdown - Farve - McNabb. WP picks Farve because of destiny and brings the stats. Holley gets the point. Callahan and Nebraska good hire? WP says it don't matter b/c it's fixed, but says that it was a bad hire and they should have kept their old coach. Michael wins, proving WP right.
This ninja will be going into work tonight unhappy, at least until the bull-riding starts.
many thanks to WP ninja and WP militia member, Justin Yarbrough, for the write up. a little over a month until daytona... as always, thanks to the overseas ninjas for supporting the site (always great e-mails). thanks to all the "hate mailers" as well (actually some very entertaining haters out there). if wp.com dishes it out, we gotta take it. but, WP haters be forewarned, the Paige Militia is mad deep and world wide.... we wear minks and gators year 'round! not to mention, wp.com has Topol-M 6th generation ballistic missiles ready for the rouge nation that starts up billplaschke.com...
1/8/04 - All about minks! aka, ATH
Woody Paige as Donald Trump with Vomit, Meathead, and Cowlishaw as lowly apprentices.
surprise, surprise - Kobe got booed in Den, the LAL's lost and, more importantly, DEN cleared! Genius believes that Kobe is negatively affected and Puke disagrees stating, "Kobe likes to live in his own world". now if only Vomit lived in his own world... "Destiny Rides Again!", WP says PHI will be GB Packing. Puke disagrees again... is it too late to put Vomit on that Mars robot-thingy??? First break and Woody is tied with Meathead for last place. in other words - WHATS NEW!!!
B(ecks) or S(am Adams): WP sells the Bidwells winning with Dennis Green. doesitmatter.com? nobody buys Nascar over Tuna. as much as this pains me..., thank you Cowlishaw for saying NASCAR on this show! 39 days until the daytona 500. wake up and smell the gasoline everyone. everybody buys the Trinidad-De La Hoya fight. i have a "scrambler" so i pay for nothing! the benefits of knowing "people" in chicago ; ) WP plans to be at the fight. so am i... WP
predicts that Tiger will win two majors this year. WP.com predicts that le tigre will go off at ridiculously short prices all year. in matchup wagering, le tigre is a "play against". there will be immense value in whomever he is matched against. Nascar Tim is gone like Winston as a sponsor.
OOB: WP refuses to watch Charlie Hustle on TV or read his book. great, wanna bet Rose is going to be the next running topic, i.e. Clarett. pathetic.org. WP wants to be Trump's apprentice, for the fringe benefits and wishes he were a
"lucky sperm baby" - LOL (i think). Of course, Mr. Morality argues that Trump is famous simply for being famous. Of course, everybody knows what Vomit is going to say anyway... WP is gone and so are the ninjas. can you hear it??? click, click, click. off too check out Rap City: tha bassment.
now listen... would you have completely flipped if WP put on a "faux" mink to win the showdown?!? or, they should have had the "minks" topic in a segment, OOB, where WP was present and he could'a rocked a mink! that would'a brought the house down. creative"sleeping"team@ath.bored. minks, you want mink? get me in one of those squares! i'll put on my canary yellow and send ratings throw the roof with my matching plum hat. geez, PTI goes from smirnoff to guiness (awesome new commercials, btw...). ATH needs alcohol!
1/7/04 - I hoped this day would never come...
but, "check out the new joysticks and mute buttons". to go with, the new "sixth sense" elimination graphic. ADD, a ridiculously increased decible level when points are added (is this for the canine demographic?). what in the blue hell is going on? this is what was discussed in corporate ATH ivory tower conferences re: improving the show? i am not saying "jumptheshark" (jumptheshark.com) but, are we nearing shark bait??? all this and Vomit wasn't on todays show and WP won! yes, if anyone is qualified for a "outsider looking in" solid opinion, i think i am. also, (tampa jimmy i may need you on this), haven't j-no and be-gone-cye references and "cut aways" hit the 1,000,000 usage marker? btw, i REALLY need bone-o at the superbowl. why not bring out a math teacher and do some long division as well? its not like i've ever been conscious at that point anyway but, bring out lil jon and those crazy ying yang twins - now thats entertainment ; )
t.j. simers once told me, "if you don't have anything nice to say", "say it anyway"... i'm out like _ _ _ (nope, not just yet). now, back to my ric flair, 3 DVD, box set - WWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
1/7/04 - Realization of ratings... (aka, we need alcohol sponsors) - 1/6 ATH
Woody wins, Woody on Hannity and Colmes (actually discussing Pete Rose's bad hair - LOL) and Katie Couric gets her own E! hollywood story. what else do you need to know?!? i gotta say this, all those who have paypal'd me $1 based on WP's statement on ATH yesterday - hilarious! all the ninjas want a piece of the WP lotto pie ; ) i gotta send it all back though. again - hilarious! i think what we should do is send Vomit dirty underwear until he wears a WP shirt for an entire ATH episode. i figure if you ninjas would send money, what would be the issue with sending underwear?!? you want a write up of the 1/6 show??? alright jimmy, lets let'em have it...
Who? Woody Paige: obvious first ballot Hall of Famer. Puke, Meathead, and
Michael Smith (aka, the "king of charisma"): Hall of Fame wannabes.
Genius says Rose belongs in the Hall of Fame but will not cast his vote for
Rose - makes sense. Puke disagrees - and, does anyone care? Seems that Genius and Coughlin didn't play Pop Warner together... Woody adds Coughlin to the "richard list" (along with stockton and shoot, who else???). First commercial and Genius is last.
B(roncos) or S(eattle) - well, thats been decided. Woody sells the Raiders as a good head coaching job. Woody sells LSU coach Nick Saban to the NFL. Meatball says something about Saban not wanting to be a big crawfish in a little pond. Charisma challenges Meatball re: his crawfish diet (???). thanks for your input - YEAH!!! now go get Mr. Ryan a coffee "warmup". at least we know you arent in a coma state. that stupid TX NCAAB game ending was discussed. whocares.com. something about the Eagles as well and, for the sake of losing 75% of viewers, Maximus "Pawn" Hostimus gets a message through his ear piece stating "Woody moves on". bye bye Meathead...
OOB: WP learns to "play the game" with MK and gets 1,000 points for arguing Gossage as a HOF'r. Puke makes a case for Big Bert Blyleven and while doing so does not seem like he needs to breath. "finders keepers, losers weepers", says WP regarding my lost lottery ticket. Puke disagrees on the basis of church and state - surprise. Charisma is eliminated and i am now getting "spooked" with the new elimination graphic. this is the "big thing" with the '04 ATH delivery?!?
Showdown: Woody wins. You should buy shirts.
when is WP going to be head of homeland security? when is WP turning down the Nebraska job? when will WP travel to western europe to discuss alleviating middle east debt? when will WP become intercontinental champ? these just seem like the obvious next steps...
P4L!
1/5/04 - Woody Paige and ATH '03 nuggets...
first of all, all credit goes to WP ninja "tampa jimmy" for the below. i can't believe he took notes that are this detailed. whatever, i'm taking them for fact and not looking up nothing! we don't double check "inner circle" ninjas offerings on this site. btw, teddy long was priceless on RAW! seamax/chris, where you at!?! time to get some '04 top 10's rolling. mailers are fiendin' for the flavor. you better be sitting, this data below is deeper than any CIA/ACLU/NBA/SEC undercover secret op.'s homocide miami vice stuff. STRICTLY for the hardcore Woody Paige and ATH fans only. if you ain't down for the cause, go start www.billplaschkekillsratings.com
1/6 - New elimination format is introduced, but Woody wins. 1/7 - Woody wins again. 1/21 - First time Mariotti is a no-show. Kevin Blackistone debuts as panelist. Only appearance ofGene Wojciechowski (in Mariotti's chair) as panelist. 1/22 - Only appearance of Mavs owner Mark Cuban as panelist. 2/14 - Woody displays valentine saying "I love you, Max". 3/12 - Cowlishaw appears without his goatee. 4/3 - Mariotti a no-show for a second time. Stat Boy
debuts as panelist. 4/4 - only appearance of John Powers (in Boston) as
panelist. 4/7 - only appearance of Woody this week. Michael Holley debuts as panelist. 4/9 - Woody is out covering the Masters, so his Post colleague Adam Schefter debuts as panelist. 4/14 - Woody returns with a win and, although I'm not certain, I believe Woody went through an entire show without getting muted. (have someone look that up). 4/18 - Woody wins. 4/21 - Woody wins 2nd in a row. 4/22 - Woody wins 3rd in a row. 4/23 - Bill Plaschke debuts as panelist. Woody is first eliminated ending winning streak at 3. 5/7 - Bob Ryan takes a "vacation" for making derogatory remarks on Jason Kidd's wife on television.
Supposedly last appearance of TJ on the panel. (look that up). 5/19 - Woody wears shades to open the show. Supposedly last appearance of Charlie Pierce on the panel (look that up. Did he get the same treatment as TJ?). 5/22 - Tim Cowlishaw returns with goatee. 5/23 - Woody goes on vacation. Only appearance of Post colleague Mark Kiszla as panelist. 6/2 - Woody returns from vacation. 6/17 - First known plug of "Woodypaige.com". 6/18 - Woody shows up wearing glasses on the show. Max gets so turned off by this, he made sure Woody was the
first to go. 6/19 - Woody returns without the glasses and seeks
revenge by winning. 6/20 - Bob Ryan returns from his "vacation". 7/8 - Max gives Woody a free pass, eliminating Holley first because of an upcoming redneck games topic. 7/16 - ESPY awards preview. Everyone is dressed up.
Woody is the first one out, but the joke is on smellerman when he holds up a card announcing Woody as the winner. 7/24 - First appearance of Stat Boy as substitute host for Max. Woody wins. Go figure. 8/6 - Late afternoon baseball game meant a condensed "ATH". "Out of Bounds" segment was eliminated (but
that was when Woody was ousted). 9/24 - Mariotti holds up a "Woodypaige.com" t-shirt. 10/7 - Woody wins for the first time since August 27th. 10/9 - Michael Smith debuts as panelist. 10/17 - Live from New York it's . . . Mariotti?! 10/27 - Woody appears on the set of "PTI", harasses Max on the Yankees, and is the first one out but in the Showdown, Woody kicks Max off his chair and
declares Holley the winner. 10/31 - on the Halloween show, Woody is dressed up as a ghost of some kind and Puke's costume is more pathetic than Mariotti as Steve Bartman. Fitting that Max is dressed up as the devil, Puke is first out and Woody wins. 11/5 - One-year anniversary show: Woody makes the showdown, but loses to Bob Ryan. 11/6 - Woody is seen wearing an "Around The Horn"
T-shirt. He wears the shirt both ways with the back reading "Mute This!" 11/11 - Woody wears a Snoopy tie on Veterans Day. 11/17 - "If Bob Ryan wins again, this show is rigged!" shouts Woody. First elimination and guess who's out: Bob Ryan! 11/20 - Woody is the first one out again and says to
Max how we all feel: "I hate you!" 11/21 - Woody sings "Eli's coming" in picking Ole Miss over LSU. Mariotti covered his ears because he was
shocked that Woody can really sing. Even guest host Stat Boy was impressed. 11/25 - Max is somewhat nice to Woody in getting him out of a possible first elimination and makes Woody victorious. 11/26 - Woody beats Bob Ryan in the Showdown and then gets hit in the face with a pie. 12/5 - Max gives Woody a bonus question on George Foreman hoping to get him in the third round. Woody
obliges and Puke is the first to go. 12/11 - Strange but Woody wanted to give up his Showdown spot to Blackistone (but Woody was trailing
anyway). Woody is eliminated and Blackistone wins. 12/15 - Cowlishaw makes a special DC appearance. Woody vows to appear naked if the Patriots reach the Super Bowl. Woody is the first one out after surviving the first out in the last 14 shows. 12/18 - Woody wins ending a 13-show losing streak. 12/19 - Woody does not make the Showdown but Puke had to chicken out on the topic of . . . Max's beard? Woody comes to the rescue and wins. 12/24 - Woody makes the Showdown on the final show of the year, but loses to Mariotti.
don't ever question tampa WP ninja jimmy! he is for real and so am i... ESPN and Atlantic, holla at'cha boys... you want alcohol sponsors? you need us. as free agents, we don't even need the "max". your gunna need the cap space to sign WP for a third season.
1/5/04 - "you gotta be kidding me?!?" (aka, ATH)
well, i am at a loss for words - NOT! first show of the year, possibly my triumphant return and what do we get??? J.A. instead of Vomit (an upgrade parallel to turning in your Kia for a Saturn). the return of Jackie M.! she looks like Sandy Squirrel from Spongebob fame - you gotta be kidding?!? doesnt ESPN and Atlantic Video read this website? Jackie is about entertaining as a match between the brooklyn brawler and the 1-2-3 kid. and guess what?!? WP gets eliminated first! as a reminder, this is the first show of the new year... why not COMPLETELY ruin it and talk about Clarett! why not completely ruin it and discuss Kobely! why didnt i just keep playing Need for Speed: II? i was on such a roll (my eyes were going nuts and i was nearing a seizure). well, it can't get much worse... i need aspirin, stacey kiebler, xanax, mcgriddles, pepto, the new vette, 48 carats on my wrist, etc... www.patheticdebutfor'04.com
tampa WP ninja jimmy hooked us all up with a '03, "year in review". i'll hook you all up with that in a short time.
b or s. WP sells Kobe is "ok". WP elaborates on many factors that support the argument. buy/bet OK St. WP buys Vick to return this year to ATL. buy/bet NYY and BOS "over" tonights total of 9. WPs buys Artest staying in IND although O'Neal has left - LOL! GENIUS... would you buy/bet the "over" in the Texas Tech v. Iowa St. game - 70.5 and climbing?!? - mail me. fyi ninjas, i bet the Red Raiders over 65.5 last week... WP isn't buying Sapp responding to Lavar Burton. Teddy Long is off to "back the mack".
oob. "who is america's team"? dunno but, WP is the "american male". WP knows that 62 million catholics can't be wrong - Notre Dame. WP "crotch chops" MK as the inevitable happens - can you hear the inevitable? listen close... remotes are a clicking and i have to watch Winston qualifying for the Lowes night race on saturday.
Stand up! all i'm closing with is this: new "guest" FAQ on the way. matter of fact, its in my possession. its value? no doubt as much as black market plutonium. staple your wig on, fasten your seat belts and put on your gas mask ninja. this is gunna be HUGE.
12/27/03 - the "Woody Paige Show" (aka, ATH)
happy holidays ninjas and elf's. how cool is it to receive "e-greetings" and physical cards (no kidding) from site frequenters? almost as cool as stacey kielber showing up with a tag that says, "to john, from stacey". almost as cool as atlantic video/espn giving WP the $1m, per episode, he deserves. seriously, thanks to all. it was unexpected and very nice. i still may do something in this coming year... me and the Rocket are contemplating similar scenarios.
now look, i got a "Woody Paige Show" - "how we got shafted" - "year in review" update, that i plan on dropping. you've heard the rumors, you've heard the speculation. and, i'm hear to verify the doubt of certainty. it may just be that. seamax, if your out there, i need to talk to you about one of those grade A certified, mad cow, top 10's to accompany this year in review. get at me homie.
as far as what gifts i got (and, that is how i judge love or not), here's a taste... a light pink mink coat, mango colored mauri gators, NFS II: underground, an apache helicopter (you never know when you might need one), puke's old wig, a holley dread, a "lock" from meatballs uni-brow, a show-killerman tie (worn 362 days in '03), some adande charisma, some cowlishaw monotone, a teddy long dome buffer, some stat girl foundation, an "i know everything and you don't" card from bob ryan. what wishes do i hope come through?!? that WP gets first elimination "bye's", that t.j. or pierce make triumphant returns, that jackie doesn't, the disemboweled gets his courage, that ATH finally sends me my application(!), that the mcgriddle gets the glory it deserves, that i get my own "ric flair" type robe that i deserve and that i get a honey brown mink hat to match my coat.
now, for those that got a couple euro's left after the holidays, please take a look at some of the charities listed under "links". very good causes. take a moment to avoid patronizing a "whole foods" or another similar trendy, "eat healthy" establishments and donate accordingly.
10/14/03 - that ATH show
"momma's boy", WP lays on MK. WP returns sporting the leather sportcoat with a dashing turtleneck. GQ Man of the Year finalist no doubt.
them: J.A., Holley, Meatball
"the only reason you (Meatball) have done 100 consecutive shows is because you have no life", says WP - LOL. WP wants ATL's Vick to come back ASAP. great point being - develop with the team for next year. WP says this Cub team is comparable to the world series winning AZ team. WOW Meatball! that eyebrow wax had to hurt - ouch...
b or s. WP sells the Big East as the best conf. in NCAAF and buys the Big Ten. WP offers to bet something that he makes it past this round in his 100th, non-consecutive, show - at least i think thats what he said. WP sells the benching of PHI's McNabb. WP also sells the benching of CHI's Stewart because, "what difference does it make who QB's that team anyway". - RIGHT! WP also sells Mussina's comments.
oob. WP bets again (LOL) that he makes it past this round and i don't know where WP stands re: Kobe/Nike... WP knows that Anna K. has lasting power. thank God! says wp.com. now, if Jessica Simpson would just get her vocal cords cut she'd be in our top 5. SHOWDOWN!
WP argues for James over Faulk - +1! WP argues that TEX Browns seat is hotter than TEN's Fullmer - even. fornoreasonwhatsoever.com the jets are the topic and WP is victorious!
WP then takes 15 seconds to remind the ninjas to check out the new "guest" FAQ and to be on the lookout for the message board. WP then began to speak about how positive woodypaige.com is but, ran out of time... kleenex please.
if i hear that ESPN commercial for "cold pizza" tell me that Kit is hot one more time... you gotta be kidding me. thats who ESPN is gunna pass on to the ninjas as "eye canday"??? what do i care, i'm never gunna be up that early to watch anyway. regardless, that girl needs to do crunches for 6 months straight... big ups to the Disemboweled Voice for a major upgrade in his going to commercial speaking time. what the H is up with BOS? well, Ramirez did homer. did you get down on the prop. bet that Wells would throw a HR pitch at +125? can you think of a worthy question to be posed to the next individual who will be "guest" FAQ'd? if so, e-mail me. thanks K for all your help! one other thing that i forgot to put on the "love" list from yesterday: Ice Cream Cake Rolls. Boca Kassandra better start recognizing true flavor or i just may have to make a trip... stand up! P4L!
10/14/03 - Paige Militia Update...
do you think i'd be up this early to update if it wasn't important ninjas??? get to the "guest" FAQ link STAT! i'm not playing anymore... you are not going to believe who finally came though. waiting on this "guest FAQ is like waiting on a girl to give you her money to gamble with... i mean, i just don't see the reason to delay?
if you didn't watch RAW! last night and see SCSA straight stun Stacey for not drinking beer with him..., then get off this website! go start up billplaschkeisboring.com. the Nature Boy was priceless as well/as usual. now, Paige Militia, we gotta get that $100k bounty that HHH put on Getting Oldbergs head. we need that money for secret op's (primarily a submarine that i've been eyeing in Chechneya). outside of that, do not hesitate to bet BOS this afternoon with Lowe v. Wells at near even money. there is no way that nomar and manny will continue to be quiet - especially against a lefty. put it down that one of those ninjas puts a Wells fast ball over the Monster. BOS wins this one by 3 runs. message board? did someone say message board?!? I JUST DID! and, it may be a reality sooner than kellerman uses more than one sentence responses... talk about the "chatty" type... a new charity link was just posted under the "links" link. take a moment to recognize Victory Junction. VJ is a medical camp for children and their families living with chronic and/or life-threatening illnesses.
10/13/03 - ATH, or 15 minutes of late afternoon filler
Puke is here but, WP has on the "orange crush" tie so, a draw to start...
Pedro cant pitch anymore and WP says thats it for the Carmines. WP also knows that Zim rushed the field for the sake of emotion. wp.com thought Zim rushed the field to get to a McGriddle that was in the BOSOX dugout. but, Pedro wasnt letting him near it. WP is "still riding the Bronco train" but, offers KC as having the most impressive weekend. first commercial and who cares what the score is...
b or s. WP sells DAL as a NFL contenders based on they're reamining schedule. wp.com sells Monday mornings. WP sells MIA as the NCAAF team to beat and says it is OK. did you buy OK -6 like i told you early last week??? its nice to not worry about the outcome of a game with only 15 minutes played... WP buys (i think) the Cubs going to the world series - i'm confused... did you buy FLA on sunday like i told you too??? WP buys TEN McNair as the #1 QB in the NFL. askmeificare.com. fyi, WP threw in a "jabroni" somehere.
you can now SELL this episode of ATH as WP is eliminated.
well; MNF, MLB and RAW! tonight. i so love TV... i also love: no limit poker, mcgriddles, rolex', PS2, tall blondes that weigh less than 130, not working, nascar, platinum fronts, horses that turn left, chris' top 10's, air jordans, zegna, prada, cadillacs with walls, pink gators, honey brown minks, fun size twix, and tall blondes that weigh less than 130. big ups to burrillville and the ninjas holding it down for wp.com out therre: greg, ryan and jordan.
10/12/03 - the weekend...
congratulation to my favorite driver, tony stewart, on a fabulous Lowe's race win last night... anyone NOT surprised that it was Newman he was chasing down??? if your not a nascar fan, you gotta back Smoke - his primary car color is ORANGE!
now, who gave you the Sooners early last week? your right, your boy at wp.com and your welcome. if you watched the QEII, it was on ESPN yesterday, you'll recall that Sand Springs, at 10-1, stumbled to her knees at the break. and, as i said, that would be it. this horse needs the lead. keep your eyes on a 15-1 or better price on this horse next time out (i'm so certain you will).
now, on to todays "chinese" stars... going to Big D for starters (and i don't mean Dallas!). go over 45.5 in the Orange Crush game. in MLB, take BOS over 9.5 total runs. also, FLA at -140 with a slight lean to an under... GL ninjas.
btw, it looks like i may have some "insider paige-a-holic" assistance with the donation tracking device for shirt sales/ADA donations. i'm hoping it will happen. now, if your weather is anything like suburb chicago, its a gorgeous day. so tell that significant other in your life that you will be sitting in front of the TV - ALL DAMN DAY!!!! top 10 ninja chris needs to be monitored. thanks to K for all the site help. did i ever say that i love my parents on this site? well, i did now and i do. also, and i will put up the link, but, victoryjunction.org is another great charitable cause for afflicted children. please check them out.
10/10/03 - the "Woody Paige Show" or, that thing called ATH
WP "crotch chops" to start the show (ah for the days of degenration X...) and is wearing the "orange crush" tie.
whats with the running theme of pointing out WP's good looks at the age of 39?!? WP points out that the pressure is on BOS and Pedro to win. "for once your right", WP says to MK. wp.com begs to differ... WP is "disturbed" by the defenses tactics in the Bryant case and believes Kobe's character is beyond repair. wp.com already predicted that Kobe would not miss a single regular season game. Mr. "holier than thou" Pig Vomit sure has an interesting stance on Kobe... seems Puke, aka - King Moral, isn't too moved by what is alleged to have happened. character check. first commercial: WP looks bored and is in last place. whatsnew@ATH.com
b or s. WP sells team USA basketball needing Garnett. wp.com buys into WP's obvious boredom. WP sells MIA (NCAAF) missing "swagger". wp.com buys MIA v. FSU being a great game - passing on the side/total. for the 8th time today, i swear WP is yawning. did WP buy or sell the FLA fish??? what happened there? doesntmatter.com. wp.com is HEAVILY invested on FLA +175 to win the series. WP buys the Colts and sells the Panthers. you should buy a McGriddle if you already haven't.
oob. WP comes out of the break catching a pass and posing Heisman style - LOL! the show is saved! WP says jan stephenson is dead wrong. askmeificareabouthistopic.org. "whatever woody", says Pig Vomit. attention ESPN field producer in L.A.: please remind Puke who butters the ATH bread. please remind Diarrhea of the Mouth that he is 3rd string outta L.A. T.J. - why, why, why... WP backs Quentin and this Kill Bill movie. wp.com can think of some good Kill ______ movies. "are you done?", Diarrhea says to WP - this has gone to far. listen L.A. film crew, you get a message to him or i turn the ninjas loose. and believe me, paige-a-holics from orange county to london are waiting for the call againt Vomit. on the contrary, Holley calls WP a Genius. Holley, we gotcha back...
great... to add insult to injury, we get the same Be-Gone-Cye clip for the 123,345,435,67,657,23,14,35,654 time.
shirt orders taken in over the past 3 weeks have been placed. i've been told i can expect to have/ship them next tuesday - 10/14. now listen ninjas, i've given you some NCAAF but, you know how horse sick i am... the Queen Elizabeth is at Keeneland tomorrow. so, steal money from someone (because you will be paying them back immediately) and bet the lot on Sand Springs. do you like a "speed ball" that goes straight to the lead and holds? if so, this is your horse. if he breaks properly, its over. no traffic issues. Guidry is a solid jock that has brought home graded wins for this horse. as usual, gambling winnings spent on WP apparel is greatly appreciated.
all you cyclops ninjas, don't forget to keep the one eye focused on the "guest" FAQ link... we got the neutron bomb coming...
10/9/03 - the "Woody Paige Show" or, that thing called ATH
for starters, WP is wearing a black leather sportcoat. WP, don't hurt'em! the female demographic are calling divorce lawyers... its not 11/27 but, be thankful ninjas - no Puke. BOS sent in they're 4th stringer - michael smith. dont ask, i cant help.
"stay outta the way michael and jay knows nothing", says WP. WP backs Grady "sling blade" Little and the Carmines. "whats worse, watching the cubs or watching you (Meatball)", says WP and offers Prior as more critical to the team than Salsa. "would you shut up!", WP says at volume 10 as we head into the first commercial. for those keeping score, we're in last place.
Atlantic Video or ESPN Dallas: please, please have Blackistone say, "lemme holla at'cha playa". Kevin is Teddy Long's twin.
10/9/03 - pre: the "Woody Paige Show", aka "the real peoples champ" show
straight from the rocky mountain HQ, the suggestion has come down to put up a meter of some sort to track shirt orders and donations to the ADA. i'm not the intercontinental website development champ but, i'll get a cost on it and try to make it happen. if not feasible, i'll put it up in text format...
on that note, a reminder that my goal with the site is pure entertainment and fun. which, i hope you all are getting. in no way, shape or form is this a profitable venture. that never was or will be the intent. for instance, i don't have any "pop ups" or advertisers on the site. the goal of shirt sales was as mentioned - entertainment and fun. with the caveat being a % donation to the ADA. i'll put it to you ninjas like this, i make so little on the sale of shirts, start to finish. that money, after a % is given to the ADA still has me WAY in the hole for simple site development and "up keep". make sense? fyi, you don't need to buy shirts to make a donation to any charitable cause...
bottom line, keep having some fun with me. as long as you are, i'll be here. i'll do as much as i can to keep the site going and provide fresh flavor. go to the link section and visit those listed. the Denver Post is the home of WP (and they have treated me well), ESPN is the home of ATH, etc... since were talking McGriddles, don't forget to visit my Boca Ninjas site kellermanspathetic.com since, well, kellerman is pathetic! also, alex from maryland, the UK's barry, mike from warwick, pp in BIG D, "signguydino" in NC (oh for the days of "signguydudley"...), frequent mailer g.p. and all the site frequenters. thanks for the continued support!
10/8/03 - the "Woody Paige Show", aka ATH
whats with show killerman's hair? its confused, he's confused. Paige was Playmakers last night. quick synopsis of last nights show: sex, drugs, violence. quick preview of next weeks episode of Playmakers: sex, drugs, violence. do you think Puke knows the premise of the show?
"c'mon jabroni", WP says to Meatball. WP elaborates on the wind blowing out of Wrigley being the deciding factor in last nights game. Not a single panelist is wearing a tie. well, i'm not wearing anything... WHOCARES.COM! wp.com is down with the fish for the series at +175 up 1-0. WP knows that BOS SP Pedro is going to be the difference in the ALCS. Puke is suffering from diarrhea of the mouth again. is this guy on speed? on the contrary, is Teddy Long on downers?
where have the Tracy Morgan ESPN commercials gone? you know the one's with him facing Sapp and Roenick... those are mad funny.
"sorry Rev. Bill (Vomit)", WP says and buys Lebron as being the best H.S. > NBA player. who wouldn't buy WP's looks at 39? whats with these idiots ripping on Genius? have they looked in the mirror or closet lately? YES! the 82-0 sign makes its debut as WP predicts the Av's season - LOL! "if i don't blow in your ear (MK), i go last...". listen ninjas, here's some non-late-breaking-news... Woody is ATH! WP buys TX over OK this saturday. WP sells Alstott as being the major loss for TAM.
well, the reason for watching the show is over. WP throws the 82-0 sign at the camera - YES! more violent programming on ESPN. i have better things to do than watch the rest of this train wreck - like take a pre-Fish game nap. let me guess at the rest of the show: the same J-LO clip, a Clarett topic, something about the Terminator and Puke wins. ATH is sleeping on the woodypaige.com Out Of Bounds topic. that would bring such heat. who knows, paige is off, who cares...
shirt orders go in on friday and should ship early next week. what else do you plan on wearing to homecoming? represent! recognizing: England, OR, TX, FL, atlanta, helena, philadelphia, L.A., VA beach, Sooner fans v. Horn fans, Denver and fort wayne. great mail all - keep'em coming. down ninja seamax still send in the most off the hook top 10's - this boy is bananas. cadillac grills, cadillac bills, check out the oil my cadillac spills...
10/7/03 - the "Woody Paige Show", aka ATH
Azeri should be the governor of CA...
"you better recall your barber", MK says to WP. WP is sporting a "big blue" (ask your dads if your under 20 years of age) hairdo - LOL. wrong segment but BUY WP for always bringing laughs to the table.
"forgive me holier than thou(Puke)", says WP when arguing BOS over Vomits NYY pick. Dallas' Cow agrees with WP. guess who MK sided with??? "chicken little", Meatball calls Vomit. too bad this show doesn't air on HBO in prime time - you follow me ninjas? "the last team to repeat as superbowl champs was DEN", says who do you think - Genius of course. WP respects Manning bringing IND back last night. wp.com still believes that TAM goes to the super bowl.
b or s. was it b.s. or was i really sick yesterday??? WP sells MJ joining the LAL's. i can't believe that i just sold my vette ; ( WP sells the OAK series loss as the franchises worst and cites last year against MIN. wp.com sells anything that has to do with the WWE's kane (this site predicted a new mask for kane over a month ago. do you think after last night we could be right?!?). WP sells Shockey staying in NY. at least i think thats what was said. WP mentioned DET and the NJ turnpike in his argument. WP sells the cubs and wp.com immediately places a bet on FLA +175 to win the series! when Genius talks, ninjas listen (AND BET!!!). Meatball is Holyfielded.
oob. "steinbrenner is a planters peanut", says WP. now if the Boss was a McGriddle... think about it ninjas... "do you want a ma-sa-gin-ator as your governor"? says WP re: Arnold. Tates Creek should be the governor of CA. whocareswhothegovernoris@ca.gov. Cow to pasture. c'mon Woody! showdowns next...
WP successfully argues Plummer over Maddox +1! WP chooses Kidd over Marbury - Vomit evens it up... i forgot what happens next but, Woody is victorious! the first WP victory since the vietnam war ended. the first WP victory since Tyson was the undisputed champ.
15 seconds of telling the world that woodypaige.com should be everyone's, start up/"home" website. i think i'm going to cry...
sorry about yesterday all. yes, i had a major migrane and missed everything. RAW!, the "Woody Paige Show", BOS v. OAK and MNF. what a rotten day to be sick like that. it was that burning retina vibe - just terrible. who gave out Toney to win on saturday night? wp.com did. who is giving you OK -6 over TEX this early in the week? wp.com. check it - the game started at -6 and went up and back down. early money is usually "smart" money but, for it to have dropped again... i see possible "smart" money looking for a middle. for you degenerates out there, you know the numbers of 6, 6.5 and 7 mean a lot. bet it up to 7, bet it down to 6 - there's your education in "middling". VERY smart money move. OK gets the job done in a BIG way. i owe some across the states and UK love so, i'm thinking about coming back with an update. t-shirt sales orders go in this friday. if your interested in WP apparel, you may want to jump in now. promote the cause, donate to the ADA. thanks again to Michael Holley for the "guest" FAQ assist. no thanks to MK for sleeping on this site. thanks to karen for all the site help at reasonable prices. no thanks to 12/2. thats the date they're making us wait for the PS2 release of Max Payne 2!!! go to: www.maxpayne2.com for vital data. if you played and completed the first Max Payne, your like me and have been "fiend'n" for this release. 12/2 is gunna be the neutron bomb! DEN may have lost on SUN but, they did clear ; )
9/30/03 - the "Where's Woody?" crisis 2003
"I regret to inform you that Woody Paige will not be appearing on ATH again today - Tues 9/30/03. The Denver site must make some slight changes in an effort to improve quality picture for Paige-A-Holics everywhere. ATH will not be produced Wed/Thur/Fri of this week. Thus, please join us Mon 10/6/03 for the return of the "ORANGE" (if the Broncos are 5-0)".
McGriddles,
ESPN Denver - Field Producer
alright ninjas, there you have it. the source is valid. it was double checked in case of the "max factor" clique trying to pull a fast one. take a deep breath and drink some orange juice. i know you all where on standby - woody and myself appreciate it. we may just have to test a "dirty orange" for future reference. now, why i wasn't on ATH in place of WP is beyond me... i know you been asking for it and i know it makes sense. its just another situation where the man is keeping us down. i may/may not watch todays show and have something to say about it. THERES MLB PLAYOFF MONEY TO MAKE!!! did you think some middle eastern country was funding this movement??? gambling is funding this cause. check out woody at denverpost.com. show some (and i mean some) love to ATH when WP is not on beyond his control. they're good people that put the show together (outside of max). can you believe he hasn't responded to woodypaige.com regarding "lights out" +125 this saturday? can you believe he hasn't sent back his "guest" FAQ? be on the ready ninjas, i may have a mission for you. the target is obvious. kellermanspathetic.com ninjas, stand by the ready for further cryptic instructions. scully, when i say "fake sick" you fake sick that day. we do not wish to harm the innocent....
9/29/03 - the "Woody Paige Show", aka ATH
"Yo, I heard on the woody paige show today that woody isnt on the show anymore according to meathead mariotti......if you get any information please post it the website to keep us paige-a-holics informed. WOODY IS GOD!! P4L!"
"head ninja, what in the blue hell is going on??? no WP? well, at least there wasn't any Puke... NO MATTER! west texas ninjas are ready for war, just say the word. could Stat Girl un-button that shirt anymore? there's a show on Bravo just waiting for him, her, him, her..."
"is it possible that WP lost his sense of smell after a record 16th mcgriddle this morning? what else could possibly be the reason he missed todays show? this north carolina Peep needs to know."
pandemonium! chaos! i am speechless Paige-A-Holics... the above is just a sample of the mails received today at home base. take us to the highest "max alert" ever. boca ninjas, we're at DEFCON 2 - get that orange submarine ready. west texas ninjas, get the super soakers filled with orange crush. i got the midwest Peeps covered - we got more oranges ready to be launched from slingshots than necessary. DTA! don't trust anybody! hit with "orange" first and ask questions later. i'm boarding the ninja lear jet chartered to L.A. i'll investigate the possible Vomit "jealousy" angle.
its 10:57pm central and i just watched the show on tape. i have no clue as to WP's whereabouts and i received no relevant mail. BUT, i will have a "chinese star" update on the "WHERES WOODY?" crisis first thing tomorrow 9/30am. which for me is at/around 11am. its not like the Broncos lost and WP is in mourning (although they did not cover). so, thats not the answer. keep checking CNN in the interim...
do you even think i'm going to talk about this show? listen, you're on the wrong website if you answered yes. even that punk Stat Girl showed up to add insult to the crisis! fresh, new "guest" FAQ flavor to drop in a matter of minutes. staple your wigs down ninjas... its hot! RAW! was wack outside of the final match. well, that and SCSA stating that both of his arms are his drinking arms ; ) well, that and seeing stacey keibler and, my new "sleeper" victoria. please, please give the big red goof some time off and take TAZ's towel off his head! ATL at -130 to win the series. bet SFG when Schmidt pitches. FLA is scary... the BOS lineup will hit the OAK staff. pedro has been/always is - insane. BOS in GM#1 - BIG. NYY may just sweep MIN. the bears looked good tonight - YEAH! at least they showed paris hilton in urlachers box.
9/25/03 - nonsense
well, the "Woody Paige Show", aka ATH, will not be on today or tomorrow. shame since this weeks shows ranked very high in the eyes of many Paige-A-Holics, Peeps, Ninjas, Strippers, Plumbers, Wrestlers, Norwegians, Tornado chasers, etc... i'm scared to even see what the Flagship has scheduled for today. probably the ever so important, "450lb men from morocco that lift redwood trees and carry them up a mountains - part XIX". i don't get it. what the hell was the Deuce created for? now, if it was afternoon MLB that we could bet on... I'D STILL WANT THE "WOODY PAIGE SHOW"!!!
biggest sporting news of the day...
Empire Maker out again; BC status questionable
By DAVID GRENING
ELMONT, N.Y. - A bruised foot will keep Empire Maker from running in Saturday's $1 million Jockey Club Gold Cup at Belmont Park, and the racing future of the star-crossed 3-year-old colt is very much uncertain. Empire Maker, the Belmont Stakes winner, has about a two-inch cut on the outside quarter of his left front foot just above the coronet band. Trainer Bobby Frankel planned to treat the foot with an antiseptic that would aid in drawing any further inflammation out of the injured area.
shame as this "regally" bred Juddmonte Farms horse has been a noted favorite of mine for some time. well, nothing left to do but pay the short price as Mineshaft will be the Gold Cup monster. i'm kinda nervous, after the fabulous display of sand lot pitching shown by BOS Burkett last night but, here goes... 3-team MLB parlay (with a little better than 2-1 return): BOS, HOU and CHC. BOS rebound at home, HOU against MIL (c'mon) and CHC still hunting with HOU (although the ex-(every team in MLB) van poppel had a good start last out). who cares, its only money... speaking of money, if you ain't got any cheddar, go steal some and get a fresh WP "Got Woody?" t-shirt. are you kidding me? how else can you better attract the opposite sex? smackdown! tonight, NEB v. So. MIS, 3-team MLB parlay, nascar thunder 2004... i got mcgriddle fuel in me so, i'm ready!!!
keep the mails coming... UFO sightings, WP for CA governor, Dale Jr. at Talledega. speaking of Talledega, if you or anyone you know is going to that race on sunday, here's the deal... send me a .jpeg taken at the track with someone holding up a WP/WP.com sign, wearing a WP/WP.com shirt, or a home-made WP/WP.com shirt, and i'm sending you and that individual WP shirts of your choice. the hell with it, if you are at any sporting event this weekend, do similar and i'll hook up the first three mailers that send in the .jpegs
P4L! the virus is spreading.....
9/24/03 - ATH: "the returning" of that ninja "jimmy from tampa" write up
Let's start with Meathead who shows up holding a WP.com T-shirt and how is he rewarded? By getting muted by Max to start the show. That was rude, Smellerman. Holley kisses up to Max's beloved Yankees but then tells MK to watch out for the Red Sox come October. Woody says A's GM Billy Beane is "the Real Beantown" and points out the A's pitching staff and how they keep winning with different casts. JA supports Woody's statement by saying that 8 out of the last 10 World Series winners had a bullpen pitching under 4.00 (from Jayson Stark's ESPN.com column). Woody calls Max a "Cheerleader" for supporting the Yankees. "Every manager is hired to be fired except Bobby Cox" says Woody
quoting something from Mark Grace (on the Braves as NL contenders). Mariotti says however that Barry Bonds will be driven to win it all this year.
Buy or Sell: Woody sells the Eagles beating Buffalo by saying teams coming off byes who go on the road to play a team that just lost on Monday night don't usually fare well. Meathead says McNabb has mechanical problems. Holley
suggests the Eagles run the ball with Duce Staley. Woody sells Notre Dame going to the ACC by saying that it doesn't make sense and likes the fact
that they play teams like USC and Navy annually. Holley says either the Big East or the Big Ten would be a good fit for Notre Dame (JA says the Big Ten
also). Meathead "semi-buys" Wood and Prior as best 1-2 punch in MLB. "Semi-Mariotti!" says Woody, who goes with the A's pitchers using IP instead of WHIP saying the A's pitchers have shown durability. Woody also buys AI's contract extension saying that Iverson has proven that he can fit in with his recent performance for Team USA this summer. Mariotti points out that major NBA free agents don't usually move much. Away goes JA!
Out of Bounds: Holley says LeBron will lead Cavs in scoring. Meathead says LeBron will shoot in the 30s saying that James still can't shoot. "Go Back To
Cincinnati!" yells Woody to Jay and says the Cavs will make sure LeBron scores a lot. Best album of all-time: Woody says it's the Beatles' "Rubber Soul" featuring "Norwegian Wood" which Genius claims is the greatest
rock song of all time. Mariotti likes U2's "The Joshua Tree". (which features what I believe is Max and Woody's favorite song "With or Without You") Holley
says it's Stevie Wonder's "Songs In The Key of Life". Unfortunately, Woody's winless streak continues at unlucky 13.
No ATH till Monday. When, oh when will Woody win again? Picking Allison over Jun in "Big Brother 4" finale. So long for now.
let me just mention that i had to "edit" a piece of jimmys write-up... some ninjas must have received a "conspiracy feed" coming out of Atlantic Video. i never heard WP mention the benefits that Niekro brings to the current Braves staff. but, wp.com agrees with WP that Horner and Murphy are critical to the Braves success in the playoffs. can i change that BOS side to an "over"???? BOS SP Burkett lasted a whole 1/3rd of an inning?!? - PATHETIC!!!
P4L!
9/24/03 - pre: the returning ATH - ninja "jimmy from tampa" write up
shirt sales go through the roof when woodypaige.com gets a "pop" on ATH! how much nicer can it be - thanks jay! now, why is it so impossible for you to respond to my "guest" faq??? note to self, i gotta get Woody/Jason/Bill/Cheryl/whoever to let a display of a black shirt fly... look ninjas, peeps, paige-a-holics, pre-schoolers, detroit tigers, l.a. clippers, nova scotians, jamaican's, chileans, lifer's, etc... if you don't own at least 3 woody paige t-shirts by now, your late! let me be the one to shed some light on your subject - they laughing at you playa. no, its not your wig. no, its not yellow teeth. thats all acceptable! but, if you ain't sporting an "Afternoon Redneck Princess" t-shirt three days in a row, you might as well believe the broncos aren't going 19-0!!!!
wow! a site "pop" and no Vomit today. a stellar ATH yesterday and a DEN victory on monday night. what the hell are we supposed to do now (with ATH on break until monday)? i'll tell you what... get your hands on some loot and put BOS and ATL in a two-team parlay tonight. when that hits, i want your appreciation shown with shirt purchases tomorrow. your backing Genius with every purchase and we're helping out the A.D.A.
sliktrev "the black belt WP ninja" outta WI checked in, "seamax" comes up with some of the best top 10's, AZ peeps, PA peeps, CO peeps, UK peeps, all ya'll hold it down! shirt orders placed pre: 9/20 have been sent. no worries to the samurai's from China for they're order. those ninjas down in Boca are at it again and they ain't too happy with a certain host and certain panelist that resides on the far left of your ATH TV screen... the Paige Militia in Boca is Skrong! plus, they got a mission for ya...
Boca Paige Militia Ninjas...
ATH write up to follow...
9/23/03 - ATH - ninja "jimmy from tampa" style
secure your wigs... "guest" write up follows...
"Don't you realize there's no "I" in "Around The Horn?" says Woody to Max. By the way, Smellerman, ATH is now your mother's seventh favorite show? My, you
have fallen off the radar. Did you forget her birthday or something? I don't really care about the Maurice Clarett situation. Woody says that Clarett is a
football player, not a student. "3 down, 16 to go!", says Woody about the Broncos who are now 3-0 this year. Woody brings up what he now calls the "Orange Board" and brings up the fact that the Broncos are #2 in offense and #2 in defense. Billy Joel (or "Puke") said that only one out of five teams
that started 3-0 last year (Raiders) didn't make the playoffs. Holley called Woody a "genius" (I think somebody else on the web site already gave Woody that
honor) and says assistant Alex Gibbs has a great blocking scheme that resulted in four different 1000-yard rushers. Meathead says the Chiefs are the
best in the AFC.
Buy or Sell: Woody says the NBA title will be decided in Colorado and he's not talking about the Nuggets (but, on Kobe playing despite legal troubles). Woody buys the Tigers as the worst pro team ever. But Billy Joel disagrees saying it's the 1976-77 Bucs. Puke also brought up how a tight end left to go to the bathroom and never returned. How about "I'm in Favor of It." said the late John McKay when asked about his team's execution. Woody sells the Cubs as NL pennant contenders saying they will lose to Atlanta in the first round (as does Meathead). Woody also sells the Dennis Erickson/Terrell Owens relationship by
pointing out that Erickson didn't get along with his Univ. of Miami (Fla.) players. Meathead out like Kornheiser and Wilbon on Today's "PTI".
Out of Bounds: Woody thinks that Bon Jovi is cool. Billy Joel tells Woody, "You Give Love a Bad Name!" Puke also thought Bon Jovi was married to Valerie Bertinelli (in the background, WP informs all that it was Eddie Van Halen). Pukemeister thinks Homer Simpson is dumber than Jessica (I agree with Billy Joel again!). Holley brings up that Archie and Edith Bunker were the
dumbest couple ever. True statement, but Holley out like I hope the Phillies will be against the Marlins.
Showdown: Woody says that Marshall Faulk is key to the Rams and Daunte Culpepper can be easily replaced. Woody says that Alfonso Soriano is the best lead-off hitter since Rickey Henderson. Doesn't matter. Billy Joel sweeps the genius. Max admits he wanted Woody to win. So does Woodypaige.com.
That's now 12 straight shows without a win. Hope you enjoyed this write-up
from me. I should keep doing this until Woody actually wins...
alright paige-a-holics, thats our dirtay south ninja jimmy trying a write up on for size... from me, i thought it was as tight as a 2004 Escalade Ext w/spinna's. now who had a heart attack along with me on a BOS MLB bet tonight? ninjas, its never over 'til its over. gotta love 3-run homers with 2 outs in the bottom of the 9th to tie. then, the game winning blast in the 10th... why waste time in extra innings?!? pay the pass line!!!
9/22/03 - pre "jimmy from tampa" ATH write up...
no doubt todays ATH ranks in the top 5 of all time. i say that even with Clarett as a topic! are you kidding me?!? finally, "creative banter" was able to run wild. finally, MK, somewhat, controlled his addiction to "mute". MK was so "punch drunk" that he eluded to the fact that WP was favored to win! listen.., if MK would have put Puke up 2-0 in the showdown and, gave the victory to WP - it would have been an instant ESPN/ATH classic! the "orange board" - OMG! tanning beds, hairpieces, Holley refering to WP as "genius", no Be-Gone-Cye... the only thing lacking was WP's inevitable 15 seconds of saying "woodypaige.com" as many times as possible.
alright Paige-A-Holics, hold tight... "jimmy from tampa"'s write up will be posted as soon as i get hold of it.
P4L!!!!!
9/22/03 - Late note to Puke and Maximus Stupidius
with 4:14 left in Q1, DEN WR Ashley Lelie scored a TD and displayed the "mile high salute". if Vomit has any decency, he will quit his "hair club for men candidate" salute. MK, don't you dare recognize that thing... for all things Paige, leave the salute's to the great city of Denver! WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
now Woody... all the Paige-A-Holics are in agreement. after that 1st Q, after that DEN performance - we don't care if you make it too the showdown. the answer to every question this week is: the Broncos, plummer, sharpe, elam, etc... after that routine is exhausted, just respond with woodypaige.com and hold up a woody paige shirt when asked if you "buy or sell" clarett. because, its a safe assumption, you'll be asked that...
nice blown save HOU wagner - you idiot!
9/22/03 - ATH
why does MK feel the need to jinx the TB "vibe" by backing them?
"wasn't WP on the beverly hillbillies"?, says Meatball. WP is the "afternoon redneck princess". say it loud! say it proud! all my "deep south" ninjas better not let Meatball get away with this...
are the chiefs the best team in the NFL? WP knows it ain't the Chefs and backs the 2003/04 Orange Crush. wp.com will say this, we like DEN over KAN. BUT, like Holley said, TAM is the goods. did you get down at 7-1??? WP has no issue with the current state of GB's Favre and believes Favre makes GB a playoff team. more importantly, WP has on his MNF DEN best - "rustic" orange shirt w/a parallel tie. first commercial, last place.
b(roncos) or (raider)s. WP buys Gagne as the NL cy young award winner. WP refers to Gagnes WHIP and compares it to someone (i couldn't make out the name). the rams are done? WP sells. i bought into the Death Valley Tigers this past Sat. at -1. btw, they will win the SEC. WP sells MI and GA as NCAAF title contenders. wp.com suggests that you simply stick with OK until told otherwise. WP sells Pedro as the AL cy young winner and buys Halladay. wp.com attends Holidae In parties.
a NEW day! a NEW week! same OLD ath. WP gets to tonights game a bit earlier than expected.
the NIU huskies! the MAC conference! are you kidding me?!? missedtopics.com. you looking for another web Pa(i)ge to be down with?
Boca Ninjas Str8 Representin'... check out that picture! thats daily attire of those that are down for the cause. the WP cause runs mad deep! Kellermans_Pathetic - LOL. you gotta back that on principal alone... goldberg got the strap and no one was surprised. christian prevailed and the dudleys beat those idiots from france. how about the 7 TD's from the OSU WR walls??? anothermissedtopic.com much love to my boy T for hooking a ninja up with a fresh pair of Flight 89's... wp.com is going to "pass" on a pick for tonights MNF. THIS SATURDAY is the Gold Cup at Belmont. Empire Maker v. Mineshaft!!!! not like any of you care. but, pick the straight trifecta and i'm sending you a WP shirt. nascar thunder 2004 has me doing absolutely nothing else. ryan newman wins again and kenseth is STILL crazy consistent. um, lets talk some nascar on ATH. jointhemissedtopiclist.com. talledega this weekend. where my 'bama nascar ninjas at? we got MNF, RAW! and pertinent MLB tonight. if you feel the need, take LAD, HOU and BOS. the price is too steep for OAK and TOR. btw, FSU fans are not happy about WP's bowden comments. while other mailers are happy with WP's write on OAK's robbins. keep checking out WP columns at the Denver Post! link provided under "links".
9/18/03 - nonsense...
looky what just dropped outta the sky like a Macho Man elbow off the top rope, like a Superfly Snuka splash, like a McGriddle from heaven... you guessed it ninja! a new Top 10 to split your wig in half! a down Paige-A-Holic that goes by "seamax" came through for us with that gem. sorta like how WP comes through for us when we're thinking about hitting the remote during an ill-advised smellerman muting spree!!! alright, alright - calm down.
lets get the "ninja swords" out of the way... seamax, north texas jason, iowa city thug doug, pittsburgh mike, boca raton ninjas, ninjas that are sweating in AZ and those "chinese star" ninjas at the university of colorado. i'll tell you what, the Paige Army runs deep! as a reminder, the "disembodied one" is P4L as well. don't sleep on him (even though he's limbless).
smackdown! tonight, new heavyweight champ on sunday. cena rules. i still cannot get over last weeks "latin street fight". look who sees fit to challenge the NFL... i wish you nothing but the worst. A-Rod is the AL MVP. i truly don't see it otherwise. and, DON'T ARGUE WITH ME ON THAT! if you want to argue that, go start billplaschkeisannoying.com so i can avoid you. the SFG's clinch the west and SFG schmidt may be this years best "bet on" pitcher. is that WNBA stuff over yet? when did it start? ATL also clinches for like the 174th straight year. they're gunna need a healthy smoltz... the Gold Cup is this saturday at belmont and i know you all just LOVE horses. alright, one entry per ninja... give me the stone cold triecta. if you nail it, you get a Got Woody? shirt coming in the mail - represent! forza milano (rossa neri)!
9/17/03 - ATH
who? Woody, Tim, Jay and Bob... no barf bag needed.
i have no clue what was going on... i was on espn2 at 4pm central but, ATH wasn't. so, i was flipping around for a bit and lo and behold - ATH on center stage ESPN.
picking up on SEC NCAAF...
b or s. WP buys the SEC as the strongest conference in NCAAF. wp.com buys crest not colgate. what in hades?!? Ryan is eliminated first, as in now, and WP is in the lead. i/we must have missed something.
oob. topic #1: is it ok to have a "natural disaster" as a team nickname? areyoukiddingme.com? topic #2: will a WNBA coach ever become an NBA head coach? yougottabekiddingme.com. WP says that Michael Cooper will be the next coach of the NBA's LAL's. topic #3: why is water wet? topic #4: what is your favorite color? Jay is eliminated. i wish it was WP so i could do something constructive. like play Madden 2004 or handicap tonights MLB.
i sure could use a Be-Gone-Cye clip... um, the cover of the new Rolling Stone... HOLA!!!!
WP v. Tim in the showdown. WP argues for Clemens having a more "popular" stay in BOX than Pedro - loss. WP argues that Pat Riley is definately at the end of his coaching career (as Tim did prior) - loss.
well, "if you don't have anything nice to say...".
a true "inner circle" WP ninja, jimmy from tampa, offered this in conclusion... Had my first McGriddle today and loved it! I've never had a McGriddle before and I've actually been working at McDonald's for about three months now. LOL! jimmy is going to drop in with a write up here and there... trust me, his stuff is hot.
i still cant believe that matt kenseth's NASCAR dominance/consistency has never been mentioned. even with all his smirnoff commercials leading up to PTI. Paige-A-Holics, and bronco fans, from all over the US are loving the "orange monday" article. on that note, lets recognize; upstate NY, MT, U of CO, san diego and many others. not on that note, san diego paul... prozac? maybe? ATH is off until next week. in the interim, i will be debating whether to accept ATH/ESPN's initial offer to "come on" as a writer. i also will be giving you teams to bet on! you should be buying more shirts! c'mon, lets get some serious money over to the A.D.A.
9/16/03 - ATH: fo sho
pugilists: Puke, Genius, Meatball and Legal Seafood
who gave you DAL +8.5 yesterday? you didn't even need the points ninja - holla at'cha boy! "thanks for showing up your majesty (LS)", says WP - LOL! but, give LS credit as he addresses a Puke comment as a "cheap shot". ego shrinkage Vomit??? "plaschke, your outta your mind", says Meatball. woah, what do we have here... WE HAVE THE OBVIOUS! everyone wants a "simers" back or, just give us J.A. WP agrees with Meatball and says Foulke is the AL MVP. first commercial and we're in last place. i'd rather have diarrhea...
b or s. WP buys Warner going to DAL. wp.com would sell Puke on ebay for $4.39 (and probably get no bids...). WP sells McNair as the toughest QB in the NFL in favor of McNabb. "we laugh at you (WP)", says MK. max.kellerman@iminlovewithmyself.com. WP buys that the Mariners are through - idontcare.org. WP buys that Shockey is in a sophomore jinx - hurtingfortopics.edu. Meatball left to stir the sauce...
oob. WP believes in the curse of the Bambino. Puke says something about BOS being the last team to have an African American... well, thanks again for A WHOLE LOTTA NUTTIN'! "bizotch"!, holla'z WP. my man is street ya herd! of course WP is eliminated. its obviously not sweeps week. anyway, Master P and Romeo are on Rap City - i'm out...
master P without the grill and he still get ill
no limit getz exposure like a prozac pill,
lil rome in the place with the braids done up tight
bout it, bout it, say ugh!!! the tank is all right
shane-o-mac off the top rope and dropping an elbow on the big red goof, through the announcers table - trademark shane - awesome. all this goldberg "hype"... kiss the strap goodbye HHH. christian has MAJOR mic skills. did i remind everyone about how i gave out DAL yesterday? go buy some shirts. on that note, shirts going out to the pacific NW - wow. whats happening to: rip city, eugene, spokane, WSU campus and pocatello. wheres canada at? any "peeps" up there anymore? holla at me. todays ATH was like Arizona without air conditioning - not good. NFL CHI has not "cleared" a single game in the pre or regular season... time to get down on inflated numbers??? baby powder goes out to: nick, terry, rollin, karen, natalie, mike miggity, p-man "the regular", prada, zegna, varvatos, maybach, lear, vette's, retro jerseys, PS2, and poker rooms everywhere.
WP gets 15 seconds tomorrow and mentions this website! take it to the bank boy!
9/15/03 - ATH
WP leads off with the "blackboard for success" and says DEN is the best undefeated team in the NFL. WP is wearing the "orange crush" tie so, you gotta believe him. wheres J.A.? anybodybutplaschke.com WP backs the Rams when they utilize Faulk regardless of what Bulger does. Holley says, "WP's right" re: Bulger. Hence, MK mutes them both. aroundthemute@nosponsor.com. news flash - WP = meal ticket!!!
b(elvidere) or s(toli). Puke rips Oscar which further makes me wanna Vomit. Holley backs Oscar. someone please start michaelholley.com so i have something interesting to read on the Woody Wide Web besides this site... "is this a one man show?", says WP re: maximus blabberous. WP sells Jamal Lewis as the best fantasy running back. Puke says USC is the best NCAAF team after non-stop ranting about an "east coast bias". God help me if Vomit says, "homer", again to anyone... WP buys MI as the best team in NCAAF - i think... aren't we supposed to back OK? fearless leader wasn't that the mission statement??? "do you get blisters on your hand from muting me?", says WP to MK. WP also says, "i could care less about PHI (NFL)...". YOUR DAMN RIGHT WOODY! WP is eliminated and wait... can you hear that... listen real closely... ITS THE SOUND OF REMOTES CLICKING TO OTHER CHANNELS!
listen, if your a down WP ninja, a down woodypaige.com ninja - i need motivation to keep this up. seriously, my man WP brings the most personality to this white bread lineup and his "off the cuff" talent is being minimalized. WP is the cleanup hitter for ATH and he's getting benched way too often. I'M STARTING A FORMAL INVESTIGATION. note to whomever... more stat boy, switch up panelists, new panelists, different hosts, put a "hot" broad on (who cares what she does... just let her stand there), better o.o.b. topics, the host "directs traffic" and shouldn't monopolize time with talk or excessive muting, no more CLARETT! do you want to contribute daily write-ups? if so, you give me a heads up and i'll drop your verbiage in. i'll give you the credit with your name, city - whatever... bet DAL +8.5 tonight. watch RAW! why are mcgriddles a "breakfast only" option??? don't workout or exercise. spraypaint "woodypaige.com" on a wall, take a picture of it and send it in. two pair is a "weaker" hand than you think. WP's column today is strictly "orange crush" - get over to denverpost.com and represent. reverse psychology - don't buy shirts!!! i need some midol and an aston martin DB7.
9/14/03 - blah, blah, blah via Las Vegas
well, yesterdays NCAAF played nearly right down the middle. yesterdays MLB..., all i have to say is that the 9th inning play of both SFG and PHI was sicker than SARS. as far as the four legged animals that turn left... wild spirt - of course. sarie marias was bet down to 5-1 from a 12-1. so, i laid off in an "open race". hence, the reason i suggested the initial double digit price at the start. what happened? YOU DIDN'T SEE THE RACE?!? why am i certain that no one follows my horse racing opinions... well, sarie marias "reared up" out of the gate and spotted the field about 6/7 lengths from the start - enough said. offlee wild should take another break... now, to the real topic...
the fight
alright, de la dropped from -250 to around -210/-200 (if you "shopped"). the "over 12" was favored at -150. up from -120. forget all that, I AM LAUNCHING AN INVESTIGATION INTO SOMETHING! i'm not sure what yet but, i'll let you know. that "money" movement wasn't that big too make anyone nervous as far as the outcome. but, the fight itself was. btw, MK predicted a "draw". end result, he could have been right... i would have said de la first, draw second. it was that close but, the unanimous scoring was tough to swallow. remember when you needed to SERIOUSLY beat the champ to take his strap(s)?!? tell me that de la was beaten seriously. tell me those punch count numbers mean nothing. tell me that shane won. hell, shane's father, and cornerman, said he needed a KO in the late rounds. TV's lederman and foreman were de la. MK scored it 8-4 for shane. but, couldn't resist "wavering a bit" post fight. although, MK was steadfast that sugar won. here's the thing..., if you can make a point for either - YOU CAN'T TAKE AWAY THE STRAPS FROM OSCAR!!! with that being understood, i want my money back ; ) go get those belts vernon! you don't deserve them either. i so hate boxing - again.
9/13/03 - gambling
NCAAF: COL, UNM, BSU, NEB, KEN, IOWA. i did a lot with these. straight, teased, and parlay'd (some combo's)
MLB: NYY (gm#2) parlay'd w/ SFG at a near even money return. strongly suggest; PHI, ATL, CHW, MIN
Boxing: De La Hoya. medium play on under 12 rounds. small play on De La Hoya TKO.
Horses:
Arlington: Sarie Marias is a 12/1 dickinson ship in shot
Belmont: a short priced Wild Spirit
Turfway Park: the return of Offlee Wild
9/11/03 - 9/10 ATH
"the only thing better than one McGriddle is two...", says wp.com
The greatest creation in the universe...
________________________________________________________________________________
(What'cha doin?) Nothin', chillin at the Holidae In
(Who you wit?) Me and Paige Peeps won't you bring four of your friends
(What we gon' do?) Watch ATH, kick back and sip on some Hen
One thing leadin' to another let the party begin
________________________________________________________________________________
and begin...
clarett is suspended and i don't care. holley, again, has great comments regarding this topic. "straightening people out...", goes WP as, again, he mentions that clarett is not a student but, an athlete. on that note, isn't OSU a school? maybe i'm confused... no confusion that this topic is deader than ted williams. mk mentions "cheap labor" (for God knows what reason) and WP responds, "you should know" - priceless! WP says its either FLA or PHI in the NL wild card spot.
b or s. WP references film re: JFK and knows the NU coaches attack on that AFU player was done on purpose. "am i the only one here that knows boxing"?, says WP and buys shane on sat. night. WP may buy shane but, wp.com is betting oscar -240 HEAVILY. see you there MK??? WP buys that ND will make an impact in the BCS. wp.com buys "over 52" in thursday nights CAL v. UTA NCAAF game. "sell sell sell", says WP re: the eagles and any reid. texas tim is first out. WP leads?!? better clean my glasses...
oob. HEY NOW!!! "jay is clueless (obviously)", says WP and states that its a big mistake that the FCC label the Howard Stern Radio Show as "news". well, wp.com believes, outside of AM sports talk radio, that Stern is reason enough to turn on a radio. "marriage is an institution..., just not one to live in", says WP re: b-lo. with that, WP is out like Sugar on saturday night.
major feedback on the controversial video that surfaced on this website the other day - an exclusive i may add. wp.com beat bill o'reilly to the break through. Paige-A-Holics and "underground" Paige ninjas have surfaced in force and support. let me recognize ninjas in: boca raton, houston, tucson, pasadena, denver, iowa city and NYC. we are positioned appropriately... btw, mcdonalds, aka "the real whole foods" now offers a Q-lb'er w/cheese and a large fry for $2.29! smackdown tonight. NCAAF tonight and MLB all day. if your working, don't blame me. great human interest story by WP @ the denverpost.com re: 9/11. that is the date today and dont ever forget it...
9/09/03 - ATH
"excuse me"!, "intercontinental champion over here"!. OMG! christian is the best. i hope he gets his "peep show". also, SCSA did meet with his cabinet prior to the "state of RAW! address" last night. his liquor cabinet! oh yeah, ATH was on today...
*** top secret data at the bottom of the write up. this is the data that Atlantic Video did not want released!!! ***
tfw. i'm not going to write it but, Holley's comments re: Clarett are dead on. WP mentions Caesars wife and suggests Clarett go to Canada. Can he take Puke with him? MK cannot speak highly enough of Clarett. can anyone figure maximus i-know-nothing-us except boxing-us out? WP says, re: Meatball that the initials "NFC" stand for "no friggin' clue"! Paige-ism of the day! re: the Bucs, did anyone besides me get them at 7-1 to repeat??? WP likes other teams to win it all including DEN and TEN.
J.A.'s here, Puke's not, my allergies are killing me but, i'm happy... not even the 692nd "playmakers" commercial i've seen today can bum me out. what does J.A. stand for anyway? J(ust) A(anybody) but Puke maybe?
b or s. WP says that Artest should stay in IND. Can ATH trade Puke for Artest? "you should take rydilyn(sp?)" WP says to MK. WP also believes that Warner should get his job back. WP buys that the NCAAB Duke team is cursed and references the "native american" Cherokee Parks - LOL. WP sells Wannestadts ability as a head coach. who ever "sells" MK his closes is laughing.. this is a joke, the Afternoon Redneck Princess is eliminated.
"excuse me"!, "woodypaige.com writer here"! every damn show on ESPN has a sponsor. Rome is Boring has a sponsor. even something called "the wild rules" has a sponsor. ATH needs 20 minutes of WP and me writing... that combination screams: Around the Horn, presented by Budweiser. where has all the hate mail gone?!? i love hate mail. all you Puke and Meatball fans forget the e-mail address?
*** top secret data has just been brought to the attention of woodypaige.com ***
it seems that video footage of an "anti-WP and woodypaige.com" sleeper cell has been uncovered at Atlantic Video. i suspected this all long! now, we can put an end to the rumor speculation and start pointing fingers. i trust the below speaks for itself... brace yourselves ninjas...
Atlantic Video "anti-WP and woodypaige.com" sleeper cell footage!
this calls for a "pre-emptive strike" ninjas... write me ASAP and tell me what we should do! cheryl, get outta there quick ; )
9/08/03 - ATH (some of it at least)
"he has two expressions, stupidity and indigestion (puke???)", says WP. locked and loaded on a Monday. straight chillin' at the holidae in...
WP feels that STL will "be fine" if Faulk handles the ball. Also re: STL, WP says, "give the NYG's some credit" - agreed. WP has on hte "orange crush" tie. Paige-A-Holics are pumped like DEN -6 on Sun....
oh no...
money rolls, cars and clothes - may tape ran out at this point of the show... unreal. i did watch the show but was not taking "live" notes as i was taping to "write up" later. this is what i remember... i can't remember the "paige-isms" though. i'm certain he verbally got Puke though. something about Puke's moral standards. i believe in re: to PHI fans that have already started drinkin' for tonights game. NO!!! it was in regards to the XFL and how L.A.'s team had skrippers as cheerleaders - thats it! Puke expressed disgust and WP said to get a pair (or something similar). WP also "jabroni'd" Meat Sauce at least once.
lots of NFL (Holmes and Bears) and XFL, Berlin leads the Heisman race (???), Roddick wins the ping pong tournament that no one saw (um, there was football on this weekend). WP and Meat Sauce went to the Showdown and WP backed TB tonight. Remember ninjas, WP gave you FLA on Sat (that should have been mentioned on todays show)... Looks like TB is a play tonight. Perry, do you agree? ; )
alright... Mineshaft is the monster handicap horse right now. it was cool to see Krone and P. Val in a "match race". why doesn't L.A. Puke discuss stuff like this? its in his backyard... the friday night Busch race ending was sick! Ryan Newman wins and qualifies too well. the viewers spoke and more night races was the order - i totally agree. how can you not cancel any/all plans for a Bristol and Richmond night race? if your not Puke that is... Another smoke sizzle and the #2 prediction finished #5. RAW! and MNF tonight. tivo, one or the other? brandon's buyin' subway franchises and fenny hates me for some reason. i need a plane bad... no more drivin' 120 miles to the lakehouse. head over to the links section and check WP out @ the Denver Post. also, welcome to those who got turnt on to woodypaige.com through the Denver Post site. thanks again to all at the Post. thanks to BET late and Uncut. thanks to the dirty south mailers, pokerroom.com ninjas, WI, CA, and NY mail, insightful NFL and fantasy talk from too many, MI (ann arbor) and IN (south bend) love and not happy PSU mailers. week old pizza and strawberry quik ya'll!
the autographed WP pictures go to: michael brissette, andrew schall, jeff cederbaum, aviel solar (this ninja is hilarious) and devon walker.
i'll give you ninjas a "heads up" when i get more. i got a mail out to DEN at the moment. they should be herre soon.
9/03/03 - 9/3 ATH on 9/4
MK is "sick of Holley outdressing him"... number one, outdressing MK is far from an acomplishment. number two, even Holley needs a visit to WP's labels.
WP knows that Clarett "is not a student athlete" and should "go to canada" like WP did during Nam. You still standing behind THEE OSU to repeat maximus wack-closet-us? i so hate that THEE... WP offers Marcus Dupree on the same topic - great example. wp.com's opinion is that Lawrence Phillips is the recent version of a "clarett success story". "sit his ass", WP says re: Ramirez. "start his ass", says my fantasy baseball team. first commercial - can't Puke be eliminated? asked to leave?
b(urger king) or s(ubway). WP sells Gagne for the NL CY Young and offers ATL's Ortiz. at least WP didn't say Chacon (sorry WP! i'll never do that again!). WP buys "the columnist" who was absolutely right in predicting DEN goes undefeated - gotta respect Genius. WP sells MIA over FLA and believes that FLA will keep it close - interesting. will your milk money be on FLA plus the points??? WP buys "his friend" Spurrier to do something in WAS. wp.com buys WAS -3 tonight. Puke is eliminated. should'a been sooner. pukeisannoying@ATH.com
"your a pervert (meatball)", says WP and opts for Aretha over Britney. NO COMMENT. WP references sperm and believes Cameron Diaz is the best female actor going. on that note, we'll take jenna jameson's acting. later Holley.
WP admirably argues Tomlinson over Holmes and Farve over Culpepper - and - gets swept?!? bigger upset than Roy Jones Jr. losing in the Olympics. you should be able to relate to that MK. conspiracytoholdbackGenius.com
sorry for the day late ninjas... well, richmond busch qualifying is rained out. smoke is racing a truck tonight. smackdown! tonight. WAS -3 tonight. plus, i gotz me a cookout at Fat Kids to go too. a cookout at Fat Kids = free food and milk. plus, a card game. US Open tennis is about as appealing as a root canal. texas terry last week. how about the #2 this week??? SEA -3 on sunday and CLE v. IND to play over. thats all i got...
9/02/03 - ATH
looky here... maximus switch-it-up-us is on the kournikova bandwagon. "school is in and WP just got off the short bus", says MK. that #2 ain't even funny!
WP quotes benjamin franklin and Puke isn't here... which makes more sense??? GQ's, Man of the Year, WP, is wearing a full moss/grey suit, shirt and tie combo. WP could care less about Bonds' year and we agree. Everyone else, including maximus knownothingexceptboxingus, takes a different stance. USC or OSU? WP says its OSU and since we can't argue with Genius... first commercial and i swear that Smellerman is wearing last fridays ATH and Friday Night Fights shirt.
b or s. WP refers to Manny Ramirez as "man ram" and concludes "man ram" commentary will a horn blast! - LOL. WP buys drew henson quitting MLB for the NFL. WP sells NEB as the Bid 12 north champs. WP buys Tyson in K1. we'd like to see Tyson in Pride. he'd catch a serious beating there. anyone ever seen a PFC match?!? PFC is hardcore. it WAS even worse at its beginning... WP is eliminated and if ATH wants an alcohol sponsor, they should consider giving WP a first elimination "bye". thisispathetic@kellerman.com
great mail from the UK. also, dallas, TX, PA, TN Vol backers and boca, FL. crispin glover in "rivers edge" is hilarious. i just caught that movie over the weekend. i think i saw it first about 10 years ago. "dazed and confused" is another late night, milk infused gem. tell me i'm wrong! bionic elbows and cold hot dogs to ya'll!!!
8/30/03 - pre-ATH, RAW, too early
that TCU game was really something last night... now, on to RAW!
the most devestating thing that the Big Red Goof has done lately is receiving the chair shots that split open his head last night from RVD. after "cuffing" shane o to the ring post, i thought the B.R.G. was gunna raise his arms, drop them and burn shane (with ring post red flames). that would have been great for the young viewers. instead, the B.R.G. applies jumper cables to shane's groin... great for the young viewers. outside of that though..., how can you be "sold" on that??? i hear kane is getting a new mask soon. also, after falling into the flames last week, the WWE had another chance to totally disfigure kane - but, all they do is put a bandage on his arm. this kane writing is terrible. when terry funk returned to the NWA in the mid-80's, his reign of terror was better... sold and wrote better.
a bunch of WWE contracts expired... i'll sure miss rikishi.
test and stacey v. richards and victoria (who is 2nd hottest imo). guess who shows up to disrupt the match??? maven in the main event - please. when is cena coming over to RAW? the greatest move to break up an opponents "steam" is still a ric flair "poke to the eyes". is HHH going to give up the belt? his "injury" could be a good "ego" excuse. but, if goldberg keeps winning matches up until that point... i don't know, but, i have a feeling that hunter keeps the strap. where the hell was Peanut Head w/rodney and mark?!? those guys "popped" huge heat last week. did i miss them? when christian interupted SC and Y2J saying, "hello!, intercontinental champion here!", i almost died laughing ; ) christian has WAY undervalued mic skills. am i too old to wish for a Dusty Rhodes or Terry Funk to be "flair like" "executives" for evolution? Woody Paige joins Evolution and helps HHH keep the gold at the next PPV?!?
congratulations to texas terry for the darlington win. mark prior is unreal. the autographed pictures have been claimed/are gone. i'm mailing WP for more today. why wait until thursday? lay the 3 with WAS at home. the game is basically being called a Pick as the home team is an understood -3 before the line is set. my God, MIA v. FLA this weekend. plus, so many other great games. i love NCAAF! i guess the US Open tennis matches are going on. there are also some kids playing soccer in the park near me...
i also love Woody Paige to win every showdown this week! WOOOOOOOO!
8/30/03 - late
i'm thinking about calling up WP on his cell to see if he is at this CU v. CSU game. this is one of the greatest inter-state's. what a great opening weekend of NCAAF.
wow's are: NIU, USC, ORE, UCONN (and certainly others)
i just saw the 2 yr. old filly division BC winner run today at Del Mar. a horse by the name of Happily Bridled. baffert had the favorite in todays Debutante and had come in 1st or 2nd with starters over the past 7 years (?) at least. well, his favored horse, victory USA, finished 3rd. julie krone is on a GI roll after picking up injured gary stevens mounts. rousch racing looks REAL strong at darlington... i was going to say jeff burton but, he dropped to 10-1. so, take the best price of the team, not withstanding biffle, mark martin at 15-1. you can also get Smoke at the same price ; ) since a lot of mailers are mad at WP, through me, i watched G.P.O.D. qualifying for sunday. wp.com is taking paul tracy but, i couldn't bet it because i cannot find a line for it... no wonder WP is "iffy" about this race ; ) overnight MLB has me "shaking" with PHI's padilla at -115. way outta left field Heisman odds wagers - i took a shot with FSU's greg jones at 40-1 and ASU's andrew walter at 22-1. NYY's rivera looked a little shakey today - AGAIN. now, who would you pick to "lock it down"??? i still don't know what LAD's gagne has done wrong lately... what has randy johnson -(randy johnson money) done for us lately?
another "guest" FAQ shocker on the way?!? thanks to the recent shirt buyers over the past week - AL, MI (3), NY, MA (cambridge) and palo alto, CA. i sure hope that WP shirt will be on the Cardinal campus...
i have exactly 5, five, 7-2 WP autographed pictures left in my possession... my supply had gone out with all shirt orders (and will continue to do so). the first five mails i receive, post 10:47 central on 8/30, with the subject line - Give me a McGriddle! - will get one. one per mailer that provides a vaild physical street address. i know i may have missed some requests in the recent past and i apologize. but, jump on this or buy a shirt and your hooked up!
8/29/03 - ATH
i woke up just in time, 3:55pm central, to catch todays show... dekalb was outta control last night.
"reach out and give me a kiss (MK)", says WP - with his tongue out! - LOL.
lead topic is NIU - YES!!! Holley give MAR credit for going to dekalb. Cowlishaw doesn't. who really cares what Cow says in his once every three week appearance? well, at least Puke isn't present. WP says Bowa should be out of PHI. WP is wearing a "bold" orange/red tie on a french blue shirt with a grey jacket. "your the psycho", WP says to Meatball. first commercial... did i mention Puke isnb't here?
b or s. WP sells AUB/USC as the event of the weekend but fails to mention the final Darlington 500 race as a recognized event. "you gotta break a lotta eggs to make egg salad", says WP and sells the Cowboys being better this year. WP buys, "his only friend on the PGA tour", Mickelson, pitching for those Mud Hens. I bought the Hot Cakes instead of a McGriddle today... WP sells MIA Winslow's heisman pose last night. Dilemna... Meatball and WP are tied in points facing elimination... MK boots.... Meatball??? - wow.
oob. WP knows that "we have a lot to learn from tyson" - lol. re: a prospective tyson t.v. show. a lot of you have been sleeping on Britney - HATERS!!! "kiss fartmans ass", WP says to MK who referenced H. Sterns character. and thats that...
oh, a Be-Gone-Cye clip going into a commercial. what a surprise.
big final "fall" darlington race. qualifying was awesome today and the rousch teams look tough. but, Smoke has a new contract and i'm taking the #20! - surprise ; ) ALSO, i just watched my Rosso Neri win the UEFA Super Cup over Porto F.C. what a '03 for silvio's club. why i haven't moved to milan yet i don't know. much love to ninjas brandon and richie rich who also drank a lot of milk last night and took an impromptu red-eye flight to vegas for the weekend! i love it! luggage?!? thats what the Forum shops are for ; ) GL guys. i hope everyone has a great labor day weekend. if your laughed at for not wearing a WP shirt to the game/cookout, don't blame me...
8/28/03 - ATH @ NIU!!!
you read that right playa! NIU beats UM outright and this Paige-A-Holic was in the building. I am writing this from a fellow ninja'z Paige'd out apartment. We just got back from not even needing 8.5 points from the "used to be" #14 team in the country! holla at'cha boy! i'm gunna be in a coma state soon so, here go the ATH update dirtay! we got non-stop ATH episodes looping so, late night T.V. viewing is under control..
to start the show, maximus ridiculous recognizes WP's "sex appeal". thats like realizing water is wet. wake up and smell the huskies smellerman - WWWOOOO!!!
j.a. is back! that in itself isn't as exciting as this huskie victory but, it sure as shootin' means that Puke ain't here. sorry ninja's but, i was writing notes for this ATH "on the fly" and wasn't taping... i answered my cell phone since i was certain it was jenna jameson calling and missed the remainder of the first segment. i'll say this much... you cannot eliminate Genius prior to the first commerci
b or s. WP buys Smoltz "taking a break". wp.com buys Puke "taking an extended break". WP sells AZ (NFL) as being a better team this year over last. Meatball should get a clue and buy the labels that WP sports. WP sells NYY's Wells and is "embarrased to be in MK's presence". speaking of presents, can someone buy smellerman a new suit as a present??? WP sells the Ravens and requests "a few minutes to explain". a few minutes?!? WP, if it was up to the ninja'z and Paige-A-Holics, you'd get a half hour to yourself, everyday, on ESPN starting at 5pm eastern. just hire me as a writer ; )
victory yesterday means early exit today - typically pathetic.
wp.com runs DEEP in burrilville, RI and in beaumont, TX... before i get that guestbook up and running, you send me a mail and i'll put your hood up. thats what its all about. check out WP online at denverpost.com (under links). much love to dekalb, IL for welcoming your boy dirtay to the game tonight. you know i was representing WP.com SKRONG!!! i didn't pay for a single milk and the females were on me like i was Paige himself... i was representing for all the ninja'z. now look..., get you mouse feelin' fingers over to that merch section and handle your business. while your at it, get one for Max. Lord knows he needs some new gear. you know we're putting it down with a donation to the A.D.A. as well. now, i got a few milks in me. so, i'm going to leave well enough alone. Paige World Order - 4 life! i guess there was some baseball and wrastlin' tonight as well. someone tell me how it went down... To the window! To the wall!
8/28/03 - pre-ATH
Wow! big response to the Stat Girl "guest" FAQ. i'm going to have to line up some more ASAP. lots of positive mail in the short time its been up. but, the negatives have been coming in as well. the negative ninjas have been saying, "there's no way that S.G. plays PS2, he'd break a nail"!, "S.G. don't eat McGriddles, he/she is too concerned about his/her waist line", etc... you know what, i tend to "feel" what my ninjas are saying. so, i went directly to S.G. and demanded a response to these allegations!!! i blatantly threatened a reverse power bomb through a flaming table full of thumbtacks as well.
Paige-A-Holics, ninjas and peeps... - here is the response we received...
"alright paige ninjas (or whatever you call yourselves), i'm glad your
enjoying my "guest" faq. i was somewhat happy to contribute... but, let this be understood, Woody Paige wishes he looked as pretty as me". T.R.
OMG!!! have you ever received a super boot to the grill? have you ever had your neck side kicked? well, stat girl delivered just that! this is preposterous, an outrage even. this may be worse than the Bears showing last night. worse than the current WWE writing team. worse than Max wearing that same suit on a daily basis.
this just put a HUGE damper on WP's latest victory. ninjas! how do we respond! mail me ASAP.
8/27/03 - ATH
Puke predicts that the Cubs will win the NL wild card. Well, now we know who won't win it... WP has on a gorgeous creme suit and says its MON to win the wild card. Team USA will win it all in the Olympics and watch for LSU to win the SEC title in NCAAF. first commercial and a new "guest" faq is up and its hotter than a $.50 single.
b(ears) or (pat)s. romanowki vs. tyson vs. puke vs. sabu in an elimination chamber, ninja weapon, exploding ring match!!! WP mentions "plato" and "drug use" while selling romanowski. WP buys FSU to win the ACC. wp.com says take FSU, plus points, any chance you get this year. WP buys Itchy-ro and sells Thomas as the ML MVP. cheering for Roddick??? i guess i'd have to watch first... WP sells Roddick in favor of Agassi. Puke is eliminated first. is there a pattern forming here???
oob. woody wants to "shake" the topic of toilet ads in bathrooms - lol. Meatball says he gets "lonely" while in the bathroom. WP suggests that he, "bring someone in there with him" - LOL! dontdareknockthestones.com can anyone explain Ryans "chinese math" conversation on this topic? ryan gets eliminated?!? cats living with dogs, oil mixing with water...
showdown. WP takes Gonzales over Shockey and the Cubs over the Bears - SWEEP!!! WP then takes 15 seconds to talk about the debut of the new "guest" faq on the site today and gives us OK St. +7.5 over NEB on saturday. since degenerate ninjas can't wait until saturday... go against the 0-3 SU and 0-3 ATS and take the Bears +5.
who comes through 11 out of 10 times? stat boy is in the building! holla at'cha boy dirtay...
8/27/03 - pre-ATH
Um... any Paige-A-Holics been browsing the site lately?!? any Paige Peeps wondering whats new? any Paige Ninjas think i've been sleeping all day? well, if you answered yes to the last question you'd be right. BUT, while sleepwalking i was able to get a "shock and awe" type, new, "guest" FAQ!!!
this new one is more devestating than "last call". more apocalyptic than a shortage of ho-ho's. more shocking than what Mariotti is going to wear today!
click on the link ninjas! you know the site is gunna crash like Puke's career when the word gets out.
much love to K for all the assistance. no love to the guys at the shirt print shop (they charge me way too much!!!). much love to all that have and will contribute to the site. no love for those that love Vomit. much love to all my mailers, C @ A.V., my sister in europe, brooke in TX, lots of TX, p-man and the boys, WA, Miami, Columbus, OH, and Cincinnati Nick.
now ninjas..., "Who's Next"?!?
8/26/03 - ATH
"Mars is the closest its ever been to Earth but, what about (yo) Uranus (MK)"?, says WP - OMG!!! and begin...
WP is on top of the Plummer situation in DEN and says we should not be concerned. WP.com is here to tell you ninjas not to be concerned about WP's attire - todays tie is easily $75+. WOAH!!! "Woody is 100% correct", says the Scourge of the East - Bob Ryan re: Plummer. Puke says something insignificant about "WP in a barrell"??? does anyone "get" this guy? mr. "diarrhea of the mouth". WOAH!!! "Woody Paige was right, i was wrong", says the Least in the East - Bob Ryan re: Iverson. btw, if anyone can claim a stupid salute its WP as the "mile high salute" orignated in DEN. where does Vomit get his material??? pathetic.com
b or s. "e pluribus unum", says WP as he buys the LAC's not matching the MIA offer to Odom. i buy Mauri Gators in size 10.5... WP sells the S.I. cover jinx. i hope you all bought into my "over" in yesterdays preseason NFL i posted yesterday. advice from tyson? gimmeabreak.com i'd rather get clothing advice from Meatball. Red Sox hugs... great topic. WP says, "the only thing missing is hot oil" - LOL!!! that and my writing for ATH. jays gone and i hope he gets my pizza delivery here on time.
oob. "before you can have a bill plaschke, you need a woody paige", says Vomit in a ridiculous response to a "villians" topic. youhavegottobekidding.org puke, here's a wake up call. you are the 3rd stringer from L.A.! the 3rd tier! you have no grounds to put the Vomit name ahead of Genius. btw, WP mentioned, "i met puke's daughter in vegas...". I SURE could have a field day with that. back to the show... Bob Ryan is on today. guess who is eliminated. no need to watch anymore, we know who wins...
to the thousands of mailers who are yelling at me about the Grand Prix of Denver article that WP posted - what am i supposed to do? thank you, thank you for all august WP shirt order's - everything went out today with a "cracker jack style" surprise in the package. your patience is greatly appreciate (all overseas peeps as well). WSOP finals on ESPN tonight. i'm bummed that i knew the damn winner since the "live" WSOP ended. but, the coverage is great. there is some show called "playmakers" on ESPN tonight as well, anyone hear anything about it??? listen ninjas, a new "guest" faq is in my possession. i'm just giving it a minute to cool off - its that hot! i'm going to drop it soon.
8/25/03 - ATH
"OSU is better than OK (in NCAAF)", says MK. well, MK sure didn't get any football smarter over the past week.
unbelievable..., Puke calls for a "shoosh, shoosh", during Meatballs commentary re: Pennington. bib on the L.A. set, bib on the L.A. set. who's #1 in NCAAF? WP states, again, that its OK. fyi, WP returns with a lavender shirt and purple tie - sharp. first commercial and a week off changes nothing - last place.
i was watching some opening round US Open action earlier (i don't know why either so, don't ask). "looks" like Todd Martin is eligible for senior citizen discounts.
b or s. WP sells Sampras as the best tennis player ever and picks Kournikova, i mean, Navratalova. wp.com buys anything anna. WP buys that Pedro is leaving Beantown. i bought Pedro this afternoon and already got my reward ; ) whats the deal with this runner protesting something??? did he just miss breakfast at mcdonalds? WP sells this guy who "made an ass of himself". WP took Manning #1 in his fantasy football draft so, he obviously "buys" Peyton this year. Jays gone - "like pennington", says WP as we go to break.
oob. WP knows what Anna K. is good at - "nothing". that works for WP.com. so does her body. OH NO!!! Puke is offended for recognizing Anna for exactly what she is. Vomit cannot believe that WP references Anna's body. wp.com cannot believe that Puke wears pants. WP is out like Clarett.
summerslam PPV anyone? HHH is STILL champ (and he used a sledgehammer!). the big red goof beats RVD (piledriver on the ring steps!). forget it... when is something eventful going to happen?!? with that being understood, i wouldn't miss RAW tonight for anything ! thanks to RRtheIII, representing CT, for the write up. JPI from Wilkes-Barre, PA sent in a great, clever mail. keep it up ninja. send your "how to" to Puke. i'm sensing a lot of scoring tonight. go "over" 39.5 for the game and over any posted 1st half line. DEN is 2-0 SU and 2-0 ATS this preseason and has home revenge against IND. the side at -5 is a "slight" play. loving anything "over". rob a bank and buy some shirts!
8/25/03 - pre return of Woody Paige! (and that ATH show)
thanks for all mailers that sent birthday well wishes. stacy was here and shannon called. everything seems to be working out after i started wearing Woody Paige apparel.
speaking of WP apparel. a WP peep/ninja from the north (WI), SlickTrev, has this to share...
Just a quick story for woodypaige.com, recently I received the "Got Woody" t-shirt from a friend and I decided to proudly wear it to my nephews little league game. Unfortunately, I had 4 people ask me "Who's Woody Paige?". So instead of watching my nephew go 1-4 w/a double, I had to explain to the folks who you were and how you reek of total awesomeness!!
Still holding the fort down in WI, much love
Slicktrev
now thats what i'm talking about... if your having trouble making conversation, if your having trouble meeting elizabeth hurley, if you want 20% off your next mcgriddle purchase, if you can't believe HHH is still WWE champ - you MUST buy and wear WP apparel. plus, we're donating to the American Diabetes Association. a very just cause.
S.T., you did the right thing... they're will be many other ball games to focus on. your nephew is cute and all but, 1 for 4??? once he develops a more fluid swing, it will be time to watch. but, proudly wearing WP apparel and enlightening the unenlightened was a true "Paige Disciple" act. carry on ninja! i think i'm gunna cry ; (
harvick was dominant all weekend. i can't stand kurt busch (he could learn a lot from his elder teammates). if i had time to post, i did like Ton Most Wanted in the travers. i was fortunate to see this horse win the IL derby, live, and like the chances on a fair saratoga track. as far as the Pacific, i don't know... i just makes the B.C. classic that much more interesting. no massive tiger close yesterday (i sense an ATH topic). lesnar did really destroy zach last thursday. it was like a birthday massacre for me. now, if kane got that evil...
C'mon Woody!!! Return to Glory!
8/21/03 - my birthday update
alright Paige ninjas, its my birthday. the "key" present i'm waiting on (stacy kiebler) should be at my door soon. outside of that, i wished that: max would shave his facial hair, the dismembered voice would "get" another sense, 101 shirts would be purchased in the next 48 hours, Puke would try and act MY age, WP would make the showdown in 3 out of 5 weekly ATH's, eating McGriddles would not affect one's weight, and that shannon elisabeth would fall in love with me.
now, shirt purchasers... i caught a couple days delay in getting the early/mid august shirts out. hopefully, you'll cut me a break today and tomorrow. i hope to be completely up to date on saturday. thanks all! again, this is not a GM type operation. bristol racing this birthday weekend! harvick wins friday night, stewart wins saturday night. travers stakes @ saratoga this birthday weekend as well. anyone wonder if my birthday money is on empire maker??? thanks to Chicago dwellers for support. although ellen could be a bit more "hands on" with her enthusiasm - especially during birthday week. much love to all euro football lunatics and site frequenters. the great states of AL, FL, and IA. the university of IA, BRtheIII, the "inside" ninja Cain (GL in FL), p-man, josh, OR ninjas, bakersfield and Orange county.
new guest faq is right around the corner... don't blink! its my birthday! holla at'cha boy!
8/19/03 - RAW!
well, since one acronym (ATH) is on vacation (more importantly, Woody Paige is on vacation), i figured i'd write about another one...
i was pretty excited going into last night's RAW! i mean, its the last RAW! before a big PPV and all. so, what do we get... a test v. scott match (thats new). the continuing kane saga (which i think is pathetic). rodney mack and teddy longs mic skills are now obviously abandoned and headed to sunday night heat. le resistance is the formidable tag team (this is so sad). big daddy bald did lose his hair though (wasn't it obviously though after seeing him with the hideous dye job???). bischoff fondling linda? (i don't know ninjas). RVD did put on a good show. the main event was decent - the final minutes were the best.
let me speak to the kane writing... why he isn't super crazy is beyond me? why he doesn't have "deformed face" to go with the character is beyond me? the only crazy thing he really did was light J.R. on fire. please, those stupid pile drivers do nothing for me. kane has to get sick. better yet, why not have Taz return to the ring and re-claim his black towel that kane puts on his head. what a joke that the WWE took that Taz trademark and gave it to the big red goof. now, RVD is under-valued. ECW people know what i'm talking about. but, since he's not over 6'5", 300lbs., he cannot be a heavyweight champ/main event wrestler. here's my take... the WWE should bring in Sabu and Bill Alphonso as heels to start, again, animosity between the two. can you imagine the insanity? can you imagine the match's, the broken tables, the chairs? further that by getting rhyno, dreamer and tajiri involved. basically, i want ECW back. dare i say, find room for corino and the sandman in this scenario. now help me with this... what's the difference between goldberg, nash, HHH, big show, etc...? they're all the same guy! at least Hunter has Flair. without him, he's dispensible. what happened to the hardcore "heel" dudleys? is edge still hurt? i'd like to see edge and christian in tag team matches again. the female division is so stupid... just get rid of the whole thing. lita and victoria are the only ones with wrestling skills anyway. the rest should only have "eye candy" roles. i.e., stacey, torrie, dawn marie... dare i say find jasmine st. claire and/or francine???
going into the PPV, i guess i don't really care that much. there wasn't a single ECW PPV that i couldn't see live (and tape!). this current WWE has me lost. i cannot wait for a fed, with backing, to back a solid push at this sorry state that is the WWE. if heyman only had the money... he sure had the vision...
8/15/03 - ATH
"does your hair ever move"?, WP says to guest host Bat Boy. "does Bat Boy qualify for a guest FAQ"???, says WP.com. let my know ninjas.
"Your on the wrong horse", WP says to Puke (who likes Hou in the NL central). WP likes STL and mentions Bo Hart as a key factor - LOL. Puke makes me want to Vomit... "mute him(WP) right now", Puke whimpers to Bat Boy. Can tears be close behind??? Puke then realizes he's still not the center of the ATK world and calls WP "down trodden". kleenex on the L.A. set. kleenex on the L.A. set. first commerical, any chance we'll get to see a preview for "playmakers"?!?!
b or s. WP buys Dorsey "in the future". WP.com buys midol for Puke "in the present". "i'm selling instant replay in the Big 10 bat boy", says WP. WP backs Adu 100% for USA hopes in calcio. but, he'll work the san ciro pitch in serie a for milan a.c. (i hope). Puke says Bill Mueller is the BOS mvp?!? smelling salts on the L.A. set. smelling salts on the L.A. set. WP says its Ichiro. Puke is banished to the girls locker room.
oob. obvious time restraint as stat girl let the first word run on too long. the only topic is freddy v. jason. "jason has 137 kills" - WP is standing steadfast behind jason. thats the type of data we need to make a choice ; ) eric b. is eliminated and we're in the finals v. Meatball.
well, well, well... a Be-Gone-Cye clip. um, Kelly is in jason v. freddy. how about going with the running topic ATH writers!?! think about my place on the show during the next week off.
showdown. first topic is tirades. wp.com votes for Pukes early episode tirades. Stat Girl does the obvious and sweeps out WP (time restraint) and ruins my friday.
BIG weekend. nascar at MI (my 4th favorite track). i hate to say it but, jimmie johnson. my heart says #20 though. but, the #20 at the bristol night race next week though. BIG races @ arlington and saratoga. juddmonte and frankel (w/o bailey) @ arlington. with that being understood, bet Bailey @ saratoga for NOT making the trip to suburban chicago. slump or whatever, woods does not look good. ESPN's coverage of the WSOP is incredible. Travel channels WPT coverage is incredible. hell, i just love poker. these pennant races are also something to see in MLB. hell, i love all sports. thanks to: AL, FL (pensacola), MN, WI, a "blacked out" Detroit, MI, WP shirt wearers, the UT campus and Stacey Kiebler.
8/13/03 - ATH
"your mother must'a droppped you on your head a few times (MK)", says WP. -1 to start. we're in our comfort zone.
WP is wearing the "bronco orange" tie. this could be a good sign. seeing Plaschke on the panel - is not. "Barry Bonds is such a richard", WP states. why does that reference work so much for me? - LOL. Barry or Mays - thats a tough one. whats also tough is looking at smellermans wardrobe and not laughing. YES! WP calls out knownothingus maximus for reading cue cards - exposed! last place at the first commercial - we're in our comfort zone.
anyone see the commercial for the upcoming "playmakers" series on ESPN? talk about overkill.
b or s. racist flyers, racist remarks - all bad. how about race car drivers as a topic??? hasn't matt kenseth's performance warranted this? you can thank me later ATH writers... The NL central is a good topic. Meatballs "button down" collar is not. WP sells the 49ers as contenders. WP.com buys the Buccaneers OVER 11 total wins for the season. WP buys the Fish general as manager of the year. Puke doesn't survive the cut. WP carries on! - unfamiliar territory.
"talking baby, talking baby!!!" - best commercial going
oob. WP is adamantely against Native American mascots and they're activity. why don't i see it that way? that seminole riding the horse to midfield and planting that flaming arrow - i don't know... WP dated a girl named, "poly-eth-a-lean" re: his love for wiffle ball - LOL. Meatball is clipped followed by a a j-lo clip...
Showdown! did you even question the outcome?!? familiar territory.
i want to make a point... i mention gambling a lot on this site and want to say this - if you chose to gamble, please gamble with your head, not over it. this comes as a reminder for me/all that gamble after the Stu Unger clip aired on sportscenter last night. i know the "stu-ball" story very well and have known it for some time. quickly, stu won the WPO three times (twice consecutively). he was the only person to accomplish this. trust me, this is a near impossible task. he was the one that turned me on to the great game of Hold'em poker. but, for a man that made an estimated $30m gambling, he died from the effects of many vices (and was virtually broke). i'm not going to get into it all (research it if you wish). just realize that a wager is a gamble.
8/12/03 - ATH
"let me mute WP for absolutely nothing", says MK to start the show. why don't you try something different for a change???
neither Kobe nor Clarett to start the show - thank God. but, Puke is back... you can't always get what you want. does Puke breath when he talks? one of the best mutes ever! Meatball tells MK to, "listen", and MK says, "listen to this" and whip slaps a mute upside his dome! WP says something about a "buttress and a cathedral" re: Clarett - LOL (no clue). first commercial - do you need me to paint a picture?
b or s. "go back on vacation Mr. Morality (Puke)", says WP - OMG!!! gatorade = "milk of magnesia (SP???)", says WP. of course croc-o-dile-ade is going to pass on LeBron, we're expecting a record offer to come WP's way within the week. WP goes with SEA as the best AL team. wp.com goes with Stacey Kiebler as the best in the WWE, anna kournikova as the best in tennis, and shannon elisabeth (at whatever she claims to do). WP says something about "bird droppings" re: Duce Staley - huh? who knows, who cares! WP is the best... don't question genius.
can't stop won't stop, rocafella records cuz we get down... that cut is crazy. WP said Hudson on ATH yesterday - did you bet it last night??? sabonis says goodbye to the NBA. will Puke follow suit and say goodbye to ATH? lots of NY. college campus check in: TCU, Oregon, WI and IN. nothing better to bribe a teacher with then an "Afternoon Redneck Princess" shirt. now get to buyin'!
8/11/03 - post-ATH
RAW! was wack. i'm sick of Kane wearing Taz' towel. now, if Taz gets back in the ring to beat the Big Red Dumb Machine... rodney mack without teddy long is like ATH without Woody Paige. no need to watch. wow, Test interfered in a Freakzilla match. thats only been happening for, oh, i don't now - 4 months! flair still puts on a better show than getting"old"berg.
bouna fortuna to my sister suzi who is moving to italia. too bad her boyfriend isn't moving to greenland. he's about as useful as sameclothingus maximus. well, at least he and lyin' brian got one of them "porches". here's hoping...
cain, you got RAW! in grand rapids next week. the home of Sabu and Mr. Monday Night. you better picket that thing. demand that they show some real wrastlin'! i can "read" your mail tomorrow already ninja. time to fire up "the best of New Jack vol. II". Mr. 187 himself. now thats wrastlin'! WWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
8/11/03 - ATH
A-rod and Poker are not on the top of MK's lists. i'd hate to know what is.
"i'm surprised you haven't gone blind (MK)", says WP regarding a "hand" topic - LOL. stop the show. my day is made. WP is back!!!
put A-Rod in that STL lineup where Pujols hits. bottom line, they're both great. WP breaks out the "black board", although its white, to debate Vick. WP refuses to lower the white board after offering his views - LOL. stage props = 1st place going into the first commercial.
b or s. how about K-mart to Chicago for Eddy Curry? if i ran the bulls, i'd go for it and "max" K-mart ASAP. kim clijsters??? who cares... stacey kiebler is on RAW! tonight (there is also a "hair match" between vinnie vegas and lionheart). the Pack lost key players vs. ATL this weekend. more importantly, they "covered" on the road, with revenge. "WHIP this max", WP says and buys Hudson as the best SP on the OAK staff. the team winning % was a great point. Cowlishaw and the Cowboys score = 0.
oob. best topic ever - POKER! poker = ratings, fun, skill, math and GAMBLING. WP goes to battle for poker and mentions Slim and Dolly in the process! "i love to watch it", says WP. of course, the other girls think poker is a joke - typical.
the next best thing to gambling and winning is gambling and losing.
great topics and a great WP performance today. also, WP's article in the Denver Post re: Davis Love is a good read. alright, who gave you the Watkins Glen winner? i sure hope you all watched Azeri spot the competition crazy weight and still roll to her 11th straight victory @ Del Mar. why isn't Azeri a topic? check out site frequenters Mike and Ryan's (from RI) wrestling site - www.geocities.com/ucw_site. the "Woody Paige" heavyweight title belt will be on the line during the 8/23 "foresaken" show ; ) alright, thanks go out to RI, AZ, NY, FL and OK. cain is back! he wasn't really gone. WP shirts are going out all over the UK! WP is more recognizable than the Red Devils???
8/08/03 - ATH
"the ladies refer to me as cool max", says guess who. are you kidding me?!? WP had that ATH title back when this site went live. check the first top 10. please... STAT GIRL!!! where's my seat!?! i'll fly out to Drama City on my own dime AND buy the A.V. staff drinks after the taping. i guarantee that a show with me and WP will set ratings records...
well, stat girl obviously broke MK's record for most time spent in pre-show makeup. and, i swear smellerman wore this same suit/shirt/tie combo THIS WEEK! shockey gets #1 billing, kobe is relegated to #2 and #3 should be NYG not clearing +2.5 last night. "SHUT UP!", WP yells at MK. i'm serious, that shut up came in at a 10. way overdue btw... kiss WP's chances of advancing on this episode goodbye.
b or s. lebron on the olympic team - WP buys. teeth bleaching products - stat girl buys. notevengoingtowriteaboutthebrowns.com RJR fighting Sanders is a buy for WP and wp.com. see you all there on 11/8. i think this will be a great fight. Gagne as the best reliever? WP says its smoltz. stat girl says to rent "sleepless in seattle". like i didn't see this coming... WP is out first and BOS -200+ loses this afternoon. BEYOND PATHETIC. ithinki'mgoingtobesick@woodypaige.com
i stayed tuned long enough to hear MK tell Holley to go easy on his OH and PA roots. now tell me, who has NYC tattoo'd on his forehead?!?! WAY BEYOND PATHETIC.
WP was jobbed and what do we get to look forward to on monday... the return of Vomit. i hate road course nascar races. take robby gordon. the MTV 2, "talking baby" would be a better ATH host. possibly a weekend update. i need some milk...
8/08/03 - pre: ATH (and too early in the am...)
some new site flavor went live this morning ninjas. check it out! the "guest" faq being the latest "shock and awe" with the photos link as well. the "guest" link will be all on me but, the photos link will have a lot to do with you! here's my take on it..., i will post .jpegs of the shirts and some other nonsense. but, i would like YOU to submit pictures to be posted. i don't care what the pictures are. if you are a paige-a-holic, take a picture of yourself eating a mcgriddle and send it in. give me a short caption with it and i'll post it. now, it goes without saying, that pictures of ninjas representing WP apparel get ASAP treatment. my hope is to post city, state and country pictures of paige-a-holics worldwide. do you here me in the UK! spike, i know your out there! send me pictures of you UK ninjas in front of your football clubs banner. send pictures of yourself in a tavern. send pictures of your self at the family reunion. send pictures of yourself at the horse track. send pictures of yourself eating. send pictures of a group of ninjas watching ATH. get clever. i don't care what you send! that link is for you all.
for those that didn't get to check out some of the recent interviews i've done, the links are below:
The MIC Online Magazine
Westword
again... much thanks to those at Atlantic Video who support and promote the site, to the Denver Post sports department (thanks for the link on WP's columns!!!), to Michael Roberts at Westword.com and to the ninjas at The MIC online magazine. no thanks to the sorry looking NYG's last night. we never had a chance at +2.5... AND, thank you K for all the great help and quick turnaround ; )
8/07/03 - ATH
OAK looked great this afternoon against the DET powerhouse. Zito gives up DET's 3 runs - none earned. and, OAK leaves 22 runners on base. i guess this game didn't mean much...
what is WP wearing?!? 3 days in a row w/Kobe as the lead topic - Boring! WP has on an ascot type tie thingy. WP wannabe's: Meatball, Teddy Long and "Not" Bob Ryan. for some reason, i still wouldn't bet against Ryan winning. WP tells Not that she is "off center" re: Pedro. so was that final strike he threw last night. WP votes Halladay as the "now" pitcher. i vote that i need an afternoon SFG victory!
b or s. sell Rivera after blowing that save and the game last night while the NYY's were -200+. they'll still get to the world series against ATL though. "Mariotti lives in never, never land", WP tells us all. "Jay, do you want to accomplish something in life"?, WP asks Meatball. the answer is obviously no. forget discussing the Pats and bet the NYG's tonight. teddy long is eliminated - bullee dat playa!
oob. "talking baby, talking baby"! i love those commercials. MK mentioned "TJ" for the CA gov. spot. as much as it pains me..., that was funny. WP rips Californians - ouch... britney or j-lo. i must be crazy but, i'm all about britney. Not is booted.
showdown = WP v. Meatball. NHL or NFL violence? GTA: Vice City blows them both away. Nene Hilario will now be called... - who cares! Woody wins and spends 15 seconds reminding everyone that for every WP shirt purchase, a charitable donation to the American Diabetes Association is made. WP also mentions the just cause of golfer Briny Baird - good stuff WP!
8/06/03 - ATH
CHW -230 hangs on! i was getting a bit nervous with that afternoon "killing time" investment. 4-0 going into the top of the 9th.
WP = "white trash hero"? we can live with that. i also smell a new t-shirt. "volvo is a part of the female anatomy", WP questions smellerman. no clue. MK is 30 today... askmeificare@woodypaige.com. i hope his wardrobe gets an upgrade. WP has on his "Bronco Orange" tie. good things to come??? i swear i heard Cuban say that Paige is "great" for ATH. first commercial = last place. OBVIOUS things to come.
monsoon type storms knocked out my satellite dish - great...
b or s. Clarett is where i'm picking up... should this show be re-named "We Worship Bob Ryan"? Clarett may never play again at OSU. any chance that Pukeschke may never play again at ATH? WP buys Terry Porter as the new Bucks coach. more importantly, YOU should buy WP t-shirts. Later Meatball, and don't be late again with my pizza delivery!
oob/showdown. what in the blue hell?!? the dallas fashion victim and "guess who" in the showdown. guess if i care who wins? WP get jobbed once again.
adu to man u.? how about adu to the rosso neri ; ) how about he's only 14! any UK frequenters seen him playing in the tournament there? john daly cannot catch a break. beckhams free kick was sick. real madrid is gunna be sick. wait, they already are. i thought the trading deadline was over - oh, thats the NYY's who were involved. bravo to ESPN for the Binions poker coverage - great stuff. it stinks knowing who wins though. tons of important MLB baseball tonight. in parlay fashion (cuz of the big numbers): SFG, BOS, NYY, OAK.
8/06/03
wow, quite a few IM's and e-mails that alerted me to the loss of the past few ATH updates, etc... i guess it was noticeable at around 2:30pm central time. at the moment, i will apologize for those looking for that data. i have a developer working on site updates (new links: "GUEST" FAQ and PHOTOS) and, it seems, some material may be lost (hopefully it's just momentarily).
anyway, i hope to "re-post" that data if possible. thanks for the IM's and mails. thanks for the support. of course, todays update will be here. and, the site updates will be here by the end of the week.
WP sure is getting it with the reference to Viv Richards... i cringed a bit as well knowing his presence was with the West Indies. regardless, you all gotta know that WP and myself love the UK paige-a-holics!
7/30/03
you all get paid on the White Sox last night?!? thanks for the shirt orders. if those who ordered last night and today ordered after that games outcome - much love! alright ninjas, no ATH today... wow, and to think that the programming on ESPN2 is better than ATH in that time slot?!? getaclue@espnprogramming.com
New Top 10 just dropped. Got a "Photos" link on the way as well. so, if you got WP apparel, get your picture taken in that gear and send it in. let s have some fun with it!
who watched that fight last night on the deuce??? angel sure as hell ain't "el diablo" anymore. he got beat worse than what floyd jr. did to him. anyone remember that fight? tell me where that fight was held and who brought manfredy to the ring for that fight and i'll send you a shirt. also, "supah" judah was on Rap City today sporting a serious platinum grill and a broken left hand. and he wants Kostya Tszyu again???
big ups to karen for all the website support. super girl with super turnaround. now, her husband is a whole different paintjob. i want to go with a "broncos" website color scheme pretty soon. were you paige-a-holics feeling the rockies colors? let me know. i want to keep with the CO sport "season". the guest "FAQ" should be up soon.... c'mon WP! return to the winners circle tomorrow! we want the orange sunglasses "mojo" to return as well. nintendo type ninjas should check out site frequenter Josh's bidness at nww.silius.net
7/28/03 - ATH
MK knocking Britney to start the show. MK just can't keep the girls away - YEAH!!!!
It is a tough situation when dealing with football players collapsing. its NOT a tough situation to deal with a ATH episode w/o Plaschke. "attorney" and "agent" are two scummy words in american society, states WP. while not that harsh, "bill" and "plaschke" are two words not needed to be heard again on ATH. first commercial and i cannot decided between the 7 or 8pm showing of Seabiscuit.
b or s. This Woodson topic does nothing for me. just like the idea of working for a living... Vlad to be traded??? - interesting. in response, WP said something about, "arnesto guerra" - who? what? - LOL!?! the eagles are super bowl contenders??? check out WP's latest column on denverpost.com for rock solid super bowl contender data - the best! everyone buys that Neuheisel will get another NCAA D1 coaching job. wp.com will BET on it ; )
oob. tiger & nike is an issue? please... the issue is ME giving out the garcia/mickelson combo at +160. now thats a return on investment that the public can really feel. WP, "wants Beyonce" and knocks Britney. alright ninjas, don't mail me and ask for an explanation. btw, Mariotti says that, "Britney is getting old". REALITY JUICE ON THE SET!!!!!!
the new TV sponsor listing for ATH just came to me... Around The Horn, presented by Beyonce. well, that was exciting. i think i'll take a nap. bringbackstatgirl.com. all FL frequenters (who are wrestling fans), you gotta check out FL based - Major League Wrestling. they have a great lineup of "real" wrestlers and great writing. many, many thanks to the UK mailers. also, the US cities of San Diego, Cherry Hill, Tampa and Raleigh. cain, where you been? karen can't give directions, rollin can eat and the M.N.B. is adorable.
7/28/03 - pre-ATH
Alright paige-a-holics, the WP v 2.0 apparel is out! check the merchandise link. I also have the new "Afternoon Redneck Princess" shirt listed and available. The "new" WP graphic on the back is a major upgrade. The key now is to get .jpegs of the shirts up... i'm hoping for that in the next couple days. also, check out Woody's recent article at denverpost.com. he uses words like "strabismus" and "dipsomania". now, i can't help you with that but, i can factually relay this WP message, "the Broncos will win 23 consecutive games this season - four exhibitions, 16 regular-season games, two playoff games and one Super Bowl" - LOL. if you don't believe that prediction, then you have nothing to believe in.
now, since i gave you a +160 return on investment last night, get over to the Merchandise link and get to buying!!!! i'm damn near giving what minimal profit that is made to the American Diabetes Association. all v 2.0 shirts are at an introductory price of $20 (including shipping) within the domestic US. these shirts are crazy hot! if you need to, wait until you see the .jpegs.
where to wear WP apparel (?) is a frequently asked question... well, a nationwide poll was taken and here are some "top" responses: to and from the bathroom, when breaking up with your girlfriend, while drinking strawberry quik, at the mailbox, when getting a manicure and to the movies on a tuesday.
now look, you all gotta tell someone about ATH. here's the deal, PTI and "Rome is Boring" both have alcohol sponsors. that means, those shows have some serious $$$ behind them. ATH needs alcohol. so, again, tell that guy in the liquor store, that girl at the strip club and that divorcee at gamblers anonymous to watch ATH. even if they can't watch TV, i.e., they're blind, tell them to put on ESPN at 5:00 eastern - neilson will still pick it up.
bet the CHW's at near even money tonight paige ninjas and spend your profits on v 2.0's!!!
7/28/03
A dapper WP (no surprise), Mariotti w/o any gray hairs, teddy long and Holley (who only recognizes NY hip-hop). from the windowwwwwwwwwww to the WALL! and begin...
at 39 years of age, WP looks like 29 and dresses first class. i'd rather say that then discuss the Reds. MK is a goof (no surprise)... Lance and Tyler are superior athletes. i cannot believe anyone would think differently. WP agrees and thats that. first commercial and we're hoping that Plaschke doesn't magically appear after the break.
the MTV 2 "talking baby" commercials are mad funny.
b or s. lebron/melo = magic/bird?!? too soon to tell but, i don't ever think so... but, i will BUY lebrons kicks when they come out. why are we debating JD Drew when Brian Giles is the hottest OF trade prospect? WP got muted and didn't get to discuss the topic anyway - joke! hiremeandmywritingskills.com. i'll give ESPN a "2 for 1" deal. buy corey dillon like Mariotti bought hair color. WP agrees. NYY v. ATL in the world series. HOU is the other NL possibility. Mariotti is gone like his gray.
oob. the Lions should be fined another $200k for pretending to be a team. WP "understands the minority issue" - of course. how can you watch this golf "match" tonight without betting a side? woods/els - 200 and garcia/mickelson + 160. with that being understand, take the underdogs (if you have to watch). personally, wp.com will be watching RAW! WP (and mariotti) really got jobbed this episode. This had promise w/o Vomit. but, someone (not certain if MK has the pull) had the showdown already picked out before this one started.
well, heat haze was a nose 2nd on saturday. but, the bailey/frankel/juddmonte combo was on fire sunday! no surprise with Sightseek though. the TVG commentator called the GI race a "public workout" - amazing. btw, this years breeders cup is shaping up nicely. here's hoping all stay healthy. here's hoping that Joe Gibbs gets the engine program figured out. #20 qualifies like crap, goes from 33rd place to first in the race and blows an engine while in 2nd (teammate labonte has the same demise).
7/25/03 - ATH
MK, you considered wrong - mariotti is a not famous meatball.
WP is in his "miami vice", casual Friday best, mariotti is wearing cuff links, Teddy Long showed up dressed as blackistone and Plaschke is still annoying... WP to bonds, "stop being a richard" - LOL. for those keeping score, the WP "richards" are: Bonds and Stockton. Puke spends about 24 seconds hyping the center of the NFL jets - WHAT?!? WP announces the answer to the question, "is T.O. the best receiver in the NFL" by offering Michael Vick - LOL.
b or s. NYY v. BOS this weekend... add that to the "to-do" list. WP says that ATH, "went from stat boy to rat boy" - LOL. the rockets better than the Mavs??? wp.com is aware that van gundy has three more hairs on his head than Puke. WP is muted duting a topic description! Pathetic! Armstrong is an American Bad Ass. Teddy Long leaves to "back the mack" - bullee dat playa!
oob. WP, "A-takes the 5th" and "B-drinks the 5th" - OMG!!! this is in response to MK's unnecessary ? re: the biased NFL H.O.F. voters. WP knows that Jolie is a "dirty leg". wp.com would never push that "dirty leg" away. Puke leaves to vomit.
the D.V. echoes everyones sentiment that MK, "wasn't missed". WP says, "mariotti has no sense of humor" - obviously! meatball can't even send a reply to the guest FAQ we sent him. of course WP sweeps the showdown and then spends 15 seconds talking about the very backbone of the Woody Wide Web - www.woodypaige.com
7/25/03 - pre-ATH
what a weekend coming up... 7/26 activity: at saratoga - we have the frankel/bailey/juddmonte combo on "heat haze" in the GI diana. at arlington, albarado is in town..., watch ALL his mounts (4 total). he's on 2 short prices and 2 10-1+ mounts. do not discard "mystery giver" in the arlington handicap. cannot understand why melancon flew in? it can't be completely for the 8th race mount, watch his morning line 30-1 horse in the 9th. tony stewart always bounces back off a bad race. looks, like a TX hold'em night tonight, horses tomorrow and nascar sunday (with a hell of a lot of baseball in between). that john cena promo last night? the cena hand to steph was nice though. true wrestling is the obvious plus on smackdown! why am i digging guerrero? "we lie, we cheat, we steal...". thats gotta be it. i think we need more 6-man tag main events with the same guys, working the same match - NOT! qualifying at 2pm central today, ATH to follow and a nights worth of TX hold'em... seab
iscuit will be a good movie but, Empire Maker is the best handicap horse going (w/mineshaft and azeri).
c'mon WP! two in a row to end the week! even better, turn the tables (free max?!? - has to be a set up) on a returning MK (where did he need to be yesterday anyway???) and give him the "nature boy" low blow. while your at it, slap a "crippler cross face" on Vomit. also, why not a "flying crane hook boot slap" to Meatball as well. then, go ahead and "F5" me. whoa, whoa, whoa... got a little carried away there. btw, i know that rollin (aka, "fat kid") has already started working on his multiple cases of domestic's. mail me if you've started as well! ATH is right around the corner...
7/24/03
I thought eating soup in near 90 degree weather was different today... Now, what in the blue hell is Stat Girl doing on ATH?!? this could be very good or bad. let me start by saying this much..., Stat Girl sure spends as much time in makeup as maximus boringus. also, did he drink a gallon of white paint?
what a great NBA off-season. what a great idea to not have MK on. WP is right as usual - its the LAL's. and, you're hearing it right hear... kobe misses no regular season NBA games. bet LAL to win it all. WP's outfit has been appraised at $3k (thats a lowball guess). what happened to cowlishaws head? no makeup/stylist at the DAL remote? WP is "on the NFL Hall of Fame comittee" and Meatball still wears button down collar shirts. Vomit is a joke - "who would recognize Urlacher"? - c'mon... Who hired you at the L.A. Times is another joke.
b or s. a great MLB trading season. WP is right re: Giles/Kendall. but, he picked the wrong Chicago team destination for them... nobody knows the NFL salary cap better than WP - just ask him ; ) and, no one has a better eye brow wax than Stat Girl. oh no, i did not just see that... WP holds up a "free max" sign instead of a "woodypaige.com" sign. maybe a "free Max from mediocrity" sign would've worked. Vomit is out like Stat Girls hairspray bottle.
oob. I KNOW HORSERACING! and its obvious that Meatball doesn't. "until we have a triple crown winner...". get lost JM. they run more than 3 horse races a year - MEATBALL! bringing food in a stadium debate... i need to be able to Bring My Own Milk (BMOM). now milk drinking is a "taxing" stadium event in itself. Cowlishaw is gone (hopefully to see a barber).
WP is in the finals like the LAL's will be.
even the "Dismembered Voice" realizes that MK still owns just one suit. WP sweeps the finals - just like the... in doing so, WP throws a "loser" comment to Meatball. 15 seconds to... - praise MK?!? WP, we gotta talk. since when did we start sleeping with the enemy???
i had fun with this show. great change of pace. i'm also going to carmelo anthony myself because this write-up is better than a '04 denali ridin' spinna's. i wish i could say i was excited about Smackdown! tonight. v 2.0 .jpegs to be up soon. these T's are caliente! bia-bia! Stat Girl, hurry to the Lancome counter - there's a "gift".
***update*** cheers to the increasing site frequenting mates from across the pond. the TCU Horned Frogs are mailing. the Oregon Ducks are mailing. i can just see "WP Gone Wild" parties on campus starting when school starts up again - get your WP apparel now! westword.com just interviewed me (thanks mike!). the M.N.B. misses me. Fenny doesn't. got a radio interview soon. i'll post where you WP ninjas can find that stuff when its electronically available. i'm out like "seabiscuit" in theatres tomorrow.
7/23/03
WP lets us know that MK is, "ESPN's waterboy" - LOL. MK also reminds us of the character "Spider" from Goodfellas... we start -1. what a surprise.
i don't think that WP has begun to reach into his closet yet. GQ cover next??? WP, "comes with answers" and "straightens people out"! too bad he cannot help with Puke's personality... speaking of Vomit..., puke says that WP is "nuts". you wanna be N. Korea??? you saw what WP did to Iraq. WP knows its not the CHC's in the NL central and we agree. we also agree that a root canal is more fun than listening to Vomit. first commercial and i'm already wondering what to do after WP is eliminated first... this is PATHETHIC! the writing is more predictable than the WWE (worst wrestling enterprise).
b or s. listen paige-a-holics..., for all that watched or taped todays show, re-investigate Vomits comments re: horry. this guy brings about as much as "show"killerman to the ATH table. the LA Times really employs him? we're thinking an internship at best. WP states the obvious, while blatantly refusing to comment on a mediocre topic, "MK is a worthless host". whosthegeniusbehindthedetroitlionstopic.org? now WP decides to give a worthy comment re: the (cry)Lions AND gets muted! isn't it obvious that WP's genius deserves a first round bye?!?
heavy mail from the Nittany Lion campus (where they do produce some serious ice cream). congrats to the Valley Forge football re: last year and good luck this season. thanks to the "inner circle ninjas" for valuable data. no thanks to anyone who mails about MK having value. hola to the M.N.B. and her mommy that may be providing needed website assistance. v 2.0, WP shirts have shipped and i am tttttrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyiiiiinnnnnnnnnnggggggg to get the .jpegs of them up. UK paige-a-holics are needed allies. the saratoga meet is on! nowtheresatopic.com. todd helton is baseballs "quietest" great player.
i'm out like Vomits hair.
7/22/03
i'm back like i wish TJ was. thats old-school ATH talking... TJ "retro" shirts??? stone cold was double fisted before the first commercial of RAW! last night ; ) love it!
this one thing i know is true, i was gone for 6 days and MK still hasn't gone shopping...
WP looks rock solid in a white on white shirt/tie combo. Kobe evidence... wait until i release the obvious evidence that shows the Pukeschke is worthless to ATH viewers entertainment. wait..., that evidence is already out! the NYY's payroll is at $180m and they still could not afford to bring WP's "southern pride" pitching arm out of retirement. "i cannot understand you" WP offers to Puke. more evidence is leaking out! first commercial and WP is playing solid poker and looking marvelous...
B(ill) or S(imers). WP is "torn both ways" re: the SD Chargers and idontcare.com. you feel sorry for WP huh Mariotti??? well, wp.com feels sorry for the hangers in your closet. don't push the Paige-A-Holics too far - we aren't that far from declaring "jihad" against you. the "Disemboweled Voice" mocks FSU Bowdens drawl and WP is not happy about it. the "afternoon redneck princess" accepts repeated mutes while battling the armies of the North. the south will rise again! Buy Odom for $60m and sell MK as being mildly entertaining. Puke is gone and we won't lose sleep over it.
O.O.B. is the incident in Waco a sports story?!? i don't know but, i do know that i ditched my button down collar shirts about 10 years ago - MARIOTTI. zegna on michigan ave. ferragamo for shoes is next door. now Oprah is a topic? athshouldhiremeasawriter.com. OOB topics are declining like the female demographic when WP is eliminated. i hear the females hitting the remotes now…
lemme holla at'cha paigers! alright, any web"paige"master generals out there??? my "gratis" team of developers have moved on to paying opportunities. why? i have no clue. i mean, woodypaige.com gets more hits than yahoo! and a MK punching bag in a day ; ) i was gunna make those ninjas famous... i'm seriously looking for some help on the gratis level... i would send some "inner circle" shirts and pay some (if needed). i think i just need to have someone with "FTP" knowledge. i have material to update my links and can't get it in there. please mail if you have the expertise and some time to spare on behalf of "the cause". thanks in advance! NWO and WP 4 life!
7/21/03 - (7:26pm central US)
hey paige-a-holics, just getting home and missed last wednesday through today. btw, the world runs at 32mph in central OH. i also have a seriously full js@woodypaige.com mailbox to get too. so, i will try and hit up all mail tonight and start fresh with ATH tomorrow. i'm certain to be back with "thanks" to those who sent in ATH updates, etc...
now look, both Mariotti and MK (yes!, MK was the surprise) have not sent back "guest"FAQ's replies. i don't get it... the true ATH fan base resides here and these two geniuses are avoiding us like Rosie avoids SlimFast. i know we can catapult they're careers and then sabotage them soon after. again, i don't get it... if you wish to further assist with a "kind" mail with a subject line of: www.woodypaige.com "guest"FAQ - Whats your f'n problem?!? max.kellerman@espn.com and jmariotti@suntimes.com. alright..., got me another "surprise" to work on...
site updates this week as well...
7/15/03 - ATH
Woody Paige in a tank top would - have married women running for divorce lawyers, put ATH in "baywatch like" syndication, see Aniston leave Pitt and stacey kiebler would move to Denver to better her chances... get your facts straight "show"killerman. Paige = "eye candy".
WP in his beautiful, blue, windowpane jacket. i guess looking "street" fabulous gets you a -1 to start. i'll donate a kidney to charity if Puke goes back to where he was last week - permanently. when is MK going to get an original idea? he's the "cut and paste" king of saying what is obvious or has already been said. anoriginalideaplease.com the all-star game and lebron were discussed. so, i went for a milk.
i love these ESPN commercials with athletes at or doing something at a sporting event. this KG one with him representing the Raider Nation is spectacular.
b or s. WP is right on re: the dodgers. these acquisitions don't mean #2. maybe Puke could dye his hair like Pinella if the "dodger blues" go on a run - uuuuuummmmmmm, wait a minute... Clemens instead of Zito - more importantly, Andande instead of Puke. WP rips into Mariotti's "sub par" attire - LOL! why am i into reporting on panelists and "wannabee" hosts clothing??? too funny... "sell" Mariotti's closet because there isn't a piece worth "buy"ing in there.
is rodman coming back??? how soon until Puke is leaving again???
gunna be tough to cover the ATH's over the next three days all. i have a business trip to OH. i may bring my VCR. how funny would that be??? i may have to leave my "presentation" laptop behind to make space. i'm going to try and make it happen everyday though... if anyone out there wants to submit over the next three, just in case, send to js@woodypaige.com. if i miss them, i would appreciate knowing how WP "thugged and bugged". plus, i'm overdue for a woodypaige.com name drop...
i'm out like a dessert put in front of oprah...
7/15/03
first of all, thanks to all that gave me "wrap ups and write ups" from the 7/14 ATH. for starters, i want to thank, again, a deep, inner-cirle, Paige peep for his efforts on my behalf - "badstreet" Dave Whittaker. i have a feeling this ninja would come through 11 outta 10 times. great write up bad man!
i went overseas to get the below 7/14 ATH text. in between fish and chips, tea and crumpets, football and cricket, ozzy and sharon, kiebler and stratus..., we got a UK paige-a-holic who is "backin' the mack" all over England.
Panelists: Adande, WP, Mariotti, Holley. Mariotti started with -1 for much the same reason that Kellerman usually mutes WP (i.e. no reason). One could be tempted to feel sorry for Mariotti - but I think that's all part of a fiendish ESPN game plan to make Mariotti into the victimised underdog. Actually, Mariotti behaved like a total wanker and got eliminated first.
WP had a dig at the Boston Globe's liberal Democrat leanings because Holley didn't think Rush Limbaugh would be any good as an analyst for an ESPN football show because he's too divisive & political (it's a football show we don't see over here on satellite, and Limbaugh isn't exactly a household name here either so I didn't catch all the details).
There were questions about the home run derby, Kobe, Pujols, Shaq. WP said he liked some comment Shaq made about Colin Powell. WP announced that he's a "card carrying Southern Baptist Redneck" and disliked somebody or other for not taking Jesus seriously (some star who refused to pay all his garage bill because "Jesus told him not to pay") and complimented Holley because he knew something about the Bible.
WP was second to be eliminated.
The disembodied voice made the best joke of the night - July 14th Bastille Day when the French won their greatest military victory, against themselves! That went down well over here where frog bashing is the national pastime :)
Adande won the showdown (wearing his black cowboy hat again). When they switched everyone back on again as the credits rolled WP could be heard to say "nice black hat" to Adande. Mariotti just sat there in silence pulling a face.
spike "you can eliminate me but you will never break me!" the kewl kat
there you have it. delivered with the Queens' English. delivered with UK perspective.
7/14/03 - late
alright all, i forgot to "turn off" my VCR to enable taping of todays show. unreal... i apologize to all my and Paige's peeps who look forward to the daily write-ups. all the 22-24 year old, 5'10", 125lb, blondes that wrote with concern of me being sick - thanks. i just messed up like "show"killerman misses his "cue" cards. all the 35-40 year old, single, fat guys that wrote threatening to choke slam me through a table full of thumbtacks - it won't happen again!!! anyone want to tell me what happened? i seriously have no clue...
well, i got this positive data to pass on. OH MY GOD!!! the version 2.0, WP shirts hot!!! the image on the back is completely reworked. actual .jpegs to be posted soon. again, the "afteroon redneck princess" t-shirt will be available on 7/21. its just the graphic that was re-vamped. major, major upgrade.
if it wasn't for teddy long, RAW! is a WASTE. how about the new Stone Cold shirt? great message for the kids. how about the Big Red Goof pouring gasoline on J.R. and lighting him on fire at the end? great message for the kids. how about how max kellerman hosts ATH? great message for the kids...
i'm back on top of things tomorrow like Paige is on top of the ESPN afternoon ratings. or, like rikki lake is on top of a gallon of ice cream.
7/14/03
smoke gets the pole and sets the track record at chicagoland. but, comes in 2nd ; ( thats ok though, he moved from 11th to 8th in the points. the longshot pick was just that. epicentre was scratched, echo eddie ran out, and both you and ten most wanted finished second - ugh!!!! plus, i guess this mayorga is for real. zab will be beat against a quality fighter. judah's opponent had fought 3 times over the past 25 months and is known for his love of female underwear - what the _ _ _ _?!?
lots of NBA movement and speculative movement. has an NBA off season ever been this much fun??? schilling should have waited to return after the break. delgado with 97 RBI's and helton's last week are sicker than SARS. this is a very competitive MLB season. hopefully some more trades as well... on to a more important topic - rastling. the creative morons at the WWE better figure something out. who's got the final writing "green light" - kellerman? now i hear that foley is coming back??? well, if he comes back as cactus jack, its a good thing - "bang, bang!". RVD's talent is being wasted. there is a lot of money being wasted on "talent" as well. can anyone tell me the difference between - Test, Big Slow, and Vinny Vegas??? bring back 3 count.
c'mon WP!!! represent for your peeps this week. last weeks ATH's were quality. - puke was a +. we need to rack up more "grill time" though. new website flavor very soon.
7/11/03
"do you only have three outfits?" WP asks MK - LOL. oh my God! that just made my month. and begin...
speaking of outfits, looks like mariotti forgot his "clip on" at home. well, at least mariotti recognizes genius and agrees with WP's comments regarding the NJN's. WP obviously has to get to the local O.T.B. (off track betting ((parlor)) as he racks up three successive mutes!!! but, watching WP "talk" through the mutes is pure entertainment. the lakers will win it all and i think WP agrees. or, LAL should, at least, finish second to the beloved NUG's ; ) first commercial, my 5th domestic milk.
B(usch) or S(tewart). what are they going to do to Bennett? whatever it is, why not experiment on "show"killerman first? its cools that "sausage girl" is laughing this off and not filing any charges. i love WI and "cool as smirnoff ice" matt kenseth. whyarewediscussingthejets.com??? buy the LAC's Maggette (since we went to the same high school) - friars representin'! JA is out and MK thought is was WP leaving. NOPE! we're hanging around like your dated attire MK.
OOB. rick fox and bad acting is the topic. shouldn't it be max kellerman and bad hosting?!? anyway, its obvious that "King" Paige is the next Vin Diesel meets Paul Newman meets Cary Grant. WP knows for a fact that Jerry Springer will, "have aliens implant women" with something... who knows what but, that was hilarious!
thats it for this week. is puke on a permanent vacation? here's hoping. can max be the next vacationer - please???
alright, happy b-days to my sister susan, BRtheIII and to 1-year old site and mail frequenter Payton Musselman. woodypaige.com has got the 1 year old demographic down cold. BIG racing at Calder tomorrow and the Hollywood Gold Cup on sunday. for saturday, i like Echo Eddie at calder and Epicentre at belmont. for sunday, i like YOU (giving up weight) and Ten Most Wanted (if the track is playing fair) to close like a monster at hollywood park. i wouldn't bet the Gold Cup with max's money... well, yeah i would. smackdown! was boring last night so, i watched my "best of New Jack" old school tape. i miss that #2... "front row" joe nemechek is the upset pick for sundays tropicana.
7/10/03 - the jump off!
AFI's with burberry trim MK! - you're late as usual.
WP says Kid should be out of NJ and woodypaige.com wants a guest spot on ATH. btw, a "mute" is given for a "worthless answer". as far as i can tell, WP gets a "mute" for wearing custom tailored, $2k suits. that was hilarious when Simon "batted" that stupid sausage. i wish it would have been a "chair shot" though. i also wish it was Anakin in that stupid sausage suit. got no issue with WI though - loved Summerfest last weekend. holla if you hear me WI paige-a-holics! WP is uncomfortably in the points lead going into the first commercial.
B(onds) or S(osa). back in the nick of time after "topping off" this milk glass. who cares what number the mailman will wear in LA? woodypaige.com wants a number on LAL to win the championship. hopefully, we get a respectable 3-1. judas priest holmes wants how much money? now, if he had a "street rep." parallel to WP's, we'd understand his demands. who in the blue hell came up with the Reds topic? does anyone outside of no-sense-inatti even care about that team? later JA. WP is still in unchartered territory - the lead.
OOB. like tiger, or more importantly WP, would ever drive a Buick... why the hell is that fat guy behind WP not holding up a woodypaige.com sign? i gotta put him on the payroll. "everyone has a price", for woodypaige.com... so, WP is, "from the stone age" huh MK??? well, at least we know he's past puberty... 4-1 that your facial hair is "penciled" in. air mike's over chuck failure's anyday. mariotti and his fake cuban cigar are gone. ATH cops my Ashanti flow going into a commercial! awh baby, awh baby... that reminds me, i have to return her calls. what a pain that Ashanti...
looks like "show"killerman finally got the memo from the ESPN "suits" - Paige = ratings. we in the showdown playa!
MK makes a brilliant comment about the "dominant" DEN frontcourt of a brasilian soccer player and camby. yougottabekiddingme.com. we got NO chance of scoring at this prom with MK behind the joy sticks...
nascar is in town this weekend! got qualifying, practice, the busch race and the winston race starting tomorrow. the milk drinking has already started. fast cars turning left for hours, lots of milk and girls in half-tops. this is gunna be terrible ; ) beltran for damon - wow, the BOSOX may really care. CHW gets swept by DET??? time to make that ponson trade REALLY happen (but, is the bullpen the real issue???) forrest BIG in the rematch on saturday. hola to all the new site visitors... mail is up big time as the search engines have now recognized the "place to be" on the Woody Wide Web.
me and WP are out like MK's knowledge of sports...
7/10/03 - early (just waking up at 12:57pm central)
alright all, i'm going to ask for a momentary "pause" on shirt ordering. i'm hoping to be offering the shirts again by 7/21. the reason for the pause is that i am now not satisified with the graphic on the back of the shirt. i need it to be more clear and crisp. especially, when we go to $20 per shirt. you all deserve your money's worth in any purchase. the black "base" shirts really bummed me out with the graphic. again, i want to send out a superior product, at a super price and send a superfluous check to the ADA.
i'll probably have the web"paige"master shut down the merchandise link until further notice. if you do purchase in the interim, the price is and will be $20 (US) including shipping for dometic USA orders. overseas WP ninjas must still contact me in advance for additional charges.
the debut of the "Afternoon Redneck Princess" shirt will also appear on 7/21. that shirt is gunna be hotter than a new pair of mauri gators! since mariotti is ducking us, we got a new candidate that will remain nameless at this time. if this candidate responds, you can expect a "apocolyptic" guest FAQ section launch.
7/09/03
the "dismembered voice" states that "show"killerman is a geek. aaaaannnnnnnnnddddddd we're off...
wp.com will give MK +72 in the "moronic" host scoring contest. ties on all four panelists today. the point being that WP's number is worth the other three combined. thank god that JA is back. what does that stand for anyway??? Just keep pukeschke Away. WP went to moses malone's first game! give him face time now! check WP's white, "tone on tone" shirt. WP, take it easy on the female audience... LAL w/SHAQ&KOBE&GARY&KARL&PHIL = champs and WP agrees. thats a lot of four letter first names... i got a four letter word for someone who hasn't sent back his "guest" FAQ! MK talking up Payton now... why not "cut and paste" my comments for your "crib" notes. WP is comfortably in last place at the break.
B(uy) or S(hirts). Don't pitch halladay... fly in WP for the start. i know he has four pitches and a heater that tops out at 52mph. MK talking about WHIP's - gimme me a break. how about we talk about how MK is a WASTE?!? looks like anikan will be bringing the x-wing fighter back to a skins game - ask me if i care... holley gets an early stunner. looks like someone finally got the memo that the "$1m per show man" doesn't get eliminated early...
OOB. Clemens in the all-star game. lets talk turkey, you want ATH ratings to soar? does ATH want a serious alcohol sponsor? put me in a "guest" square with WP. we'll get the show a 5-year contract. johnny depp is played out. WP should have starred in that pittsburgh pirates movie. WP did see "chocolat" though... take note fellas, WP hasn't slept alone in years... hey MK, easy on reading from your notes when the camera on you shows "red". JA is F5'd. WP is showdown bound!
mariotti calls WP, "the anti-christ". don't send in the guest FAQ! i was gunna make you a star. i was gunna get you an appointment to shine WP's shoes. go cover the pathetic cubs mariotti. of course WP wins like tony stewart will on sunday.
again, much love to all that sent in write-ups for the 7/8 show. the UK does step up - cheers mates!
7/09/03 - early (way, way too early: 8:45am)
WOAH! my man, dangerous dave (who writes the "badstreet perspective" on www.1wrestling.com) came through in a pinch with a write up of the 7/8 ATH. let me say thanks to those who submitted write ups on a "spur of the moment" basis. but, this "badstreet USA" write up was hotter than stacey kiebler... woah, wait a minute, not that hot - thats "early" talking. for all my ADD ninjas, the dangerous 1 wrote a novel so, get some milk and cookies.
Your panelists for Tuesday besides WP. JA Adande (thank God no Bill Pukeske), Jay Mariott and Michael (Bob Marley) Holley. WP is wearing a red tie, holds up a sign that says "Afternoon Princess." During the intro, Mariotti calles WP a redneck. Gee, that hurts, not. Maxipad ShowKillerman mutes Woody as an example of what the mute is.
First topic, Kobe. After Mariotti rants and raves about how the image of Kobe has been hurt just because he was arrested, Pagie says Mariotti would've jumped to conclusions about JKF's shooting if he'd been on the Warren Commission. Says NBA hasn't been hurt because nothing has happened yet. Adande says people are talking about his arrest and Darrell Armstrog's. Holley says it will hurt NBA if no info comes out. WP said Colorado got hurt by Ramsey case, they are going too slow here and Kobe is being hurt, but not NBA. MK mutes him.
Does home run derby mean as much w/o Bonds and Sosa? Holley thinks it's more about the hits themselves than the stars involved, no one remembers who won anyway. WP says home run derby was more popular TV show than ATH or PTI, of course best guys are needed. Adande says new stars need to be created. Mariotti (no shock) says because of the scandal involved with Sosa, he doesn't need to be there. Calls HR derby a fraud, ball was juiced after 1994 Paige asks where is the proof? ShowKillerman of course says because guys were bigger, it's obvious. WP gets up to 7 points, but at the end of the round, is down to 3. He gets at least four mutes in the first round.
Buy or Sell: Hassek makes Wings Stanley Cup contender? Paige scores great points. Said no Scotty Bowman, no title. He didn't actually say Buy Or Sell, but didn't get muted! Unbelievable. Mariotti of course thinks Hassek helps the Wings. Adande and Holley also sell. By the way, I do too. Wings couldnt score, goaltending wasn't their problem.
LeBron James needs his space? All four guys sell. Mariotti steals a WP line, WP says James' agent needs to shut up. Mariotti doesn't get muted for being unoriginal. Big shock.
Hilenbrand better end of trade with Kim? WP of course says Hilenbrand was because of his power production once he got out of Boston. Holley was bashing Hilenbrand, he's a Red Sox guy, what do you expect? Mariotti sells, saying Todd Walker butchered play in Monday's loss to Yanks. Adande points out that Kim walked the bases loaded. MK does something stupid, says Hlenbrand is expendable?
Payton one of the top five point guards in the NBA. Please go to nomoreboringtopics.com WP sells it, but calls Michael Bibby Henry Bibby. ShowKillerman mutes him, when he KNOWS what WP meant. Believe it or not though, WP gets to stay around, Holley gets ran. MK says he wants to keep Woody around for the redneck debate.
The debate over the sportswriter being fired over the Caddyshack quotes: Mariotti said it violated ethics, said it was a by-line story, no place for satire. WP says Mariotti wouldn't know satire if it slapped him in the face. Adande says story was bad, at least its an orignal take, I like Adande more than Pukeske.
The redneck games held last Saturday in East Dublin, GA. (I live 35 minutes away, I missed it.) Mariotti says he has no use for rednecks, asks if it was Paige family reunion. WP says he went to his reunion to find a date. Said at Thanksgiving they had to pick a pet to eat. I dont remember how, I was in awe of WPs brilliant self-depricating lines, but Mariotti gets ran, and WP is in the showdown.
Showdown time, Adande has on his bad guy/Jed Clampett hat. First topic: whos the bigger headhunter Pedro or Roger Clemens? WP says Clemens has a rep for being a head hunter, intimidator. Adande goes the Yankee route, mentioning Pedro's threat to throw at Babe Ruth. Gilbert Arenas worth the money? Adande says no, not with all the other free agents out there like Gary Payton. WP says yes, after ripping on Adandes hat, calling it a Jed Clampett hat, says that Arenas is young, will get better, most improved player. MK goes with Adande, sweep for him.
Not every detail was in this report. But I hope it helped you, the Page-A-Holics, catch up on the mans daily activities.
you damn right it did - first class, thanks! the "afternoon princess" - LOL. i smell a new shirt. WP made the finals and roddick didn't... those wim-bore-dom ratings were about as good as ATH's when "the redneck" leaves the ring. "afternoon redneck princess" - LOL. i smell a new shirt. Paige v. HHH at Wrestlemania?!? the "A.R.P." is hotter than a new Ashanti single!
7/08/03
all i know is that WP (and the rest of us) understand that, "pro wrestling is considered foreplay. and, when WP heads to family reunions, he, "goes looking for a date". although he never left, WP is back! ATH, ESPN, Atlantic Video, NASA, BET and the NAACP better recognize that WP is hotter the 24's on a Escalade!
now, paige-a-holics..., we have a dilemna. i set my VCR to tape on ESPN while ATH was on the deuce. i missed todays episode! i do have SF v. STL starting in the 4th inning though.
did any of you "deep WP ninjas" tape todays show? if so, I NEED A WRITE UP. i need to know how things went down. who were the panelists? what color tie did woody wear? did pukeschke sport a "piece"? you know the stuff i write about. i dropped the ball today paige-a-holics... can you help me out??? mail me at: js@woodypaige.com. there may be a shirt sent for your efforts - make them A+ though. get that to me STAT!
payton to the LAL. i told you all! payton is the deciding factor in the champions next year. its not kidd. wherever kidd is will not be where the trophy is. kidd is this decades charles "choke" barkley. i'm out like "show"killermans hopes of becoming mediocre.
7/07/03
i am more pumped up than Scott Steiner to watch ATH. had to tape todays episode and i got me a milk if i get parched.
why not just give us a -1 to start? don't even introduce WP by name. new week, new show, nothings changed...
WP knows that "mariotti acts like someone who doesn't wear shoes" - LOL. honestly, he doesn't know how to dress either. it goes w/o saying that WP's attire shames the other panelists. WP discusses the first topic and STILL ends up -2. exactly 4 mutes for WP since the start of this scam they can a show. these 4 things are know are true, maximus straight up idious is pathethic, pathetic, pathetic and kellermansanassclown.com!!! how about a new host every week? one that comes from "outside" the sports world. add some new flavor to this stale cracker. start with putting me or theodore long on. pukeschke tells the viewers about the 1933 MLB all-star game. are you kidding me??? i can hear the remotes "clicking" already... this is worse than a Charlies Angels movie. i actually feel for our boy WP. i mean, he could be shopping or at the salon instead of wasting his time here.
b(ull) or (shi_). tiger is great, whats new? i think we better discuss it though (not)... inneedofapersontogettopics.com. gary payton topic! that was my topic idea. everyone wants to talk Kidd - just watch what happens wherever payton lands. payton is hungry, running out of time and plays solid D. serena, venus, neptuna, uranus - who cares! i guess holley does... they are the reason he watches womens tennis. i'd rather light $100 bills on fire. WP made the best points re: bakers comments. if you didn't hear it, i suggest you review your tape of the show. well, you can begin to set you clock accurately at 10 minutes past every hour of ATH as to when WP is eliminated - shame.
let me holla at'cha playa! why doesn't MK get forced into the "white boy challenge" against rodney mack??? why doesn't Stone Cold become the GM of ATH?that i'd like to see - bullee dat playa! mariotti is ducking woodypaige.com like bin laden is ducking america. c'mon jay - for the sake of entertainment, for the sake of Paige's Peeps... martinez nailed a couple of yanks today. shame that corey p blew his ACL. lance armstrong in 10th at the Tour. you all see that first day crash?!? it was as bad as todays ATH... WP and domestic milk for life! i'm out like the hair on pukeschke's head.
7/07/03 - early (11:17am central)
i just woke up and need a nap... what a great weekend of horse racing: balligarry at arlington, mineshaft is the handicap king!, balto star upsets at monmouth, sky mesa needs another race, the irish derby was exciting and corey nakatani is on fire. i wish guidry was able to keep sand springs up at santa anita - great ride though...
what to say about kobe and darrel? better use of the 7th sense maybe - common sense. add ray lewis and the rest, you should know who your with and the consequences of the company you keep. i'm not here to judge others but, we sure can judge ourselves. thats way too deep.
alright paige ninjas... thanks for the assists in the mariotti plight. he still hasn't responded but, if/when he does, you'll all love the post - guaranteed. pettite was hot yesterday. dontrelle doen't make the NL team? greg biffle won on saturday night. what a race! i love horses and cars that go fast and turn left. when is wim-bore-dom starting or ending? that sure is one tough "activity" to watch. hogan and piper are out. and, goldberg says he'll leave if he doesn't get the belt from HHH. fyi..., goldberg ain't leavin'. also, looks like Nash is going Evolution on us (and, i don't care). he can go "vinny vegas" for all i care. the forrest v. mayorga rematch is saturday - FORREST BIG! i wonder how long it will take for MK to mention this bout.
hope everyone had a great holiday! i look like a lobster after passing out at my pool after too much milk the night before. i'm in pain for real! girls, sympathy mails are now being accepted... sympathy mails w/hot pictures attached may warrant a shirt.
c'mon Woody! bounce back week brother! your a true G1 stakes starter. your pedigree is impeccable. listen, use your tactical speed and lay low at the start, avoid the mutes, coming out of O.O.B. is when you turn it on. next thing you know - grill time!
7/03/03
well, a short work week for ATH... but, don't forget to check out WP, in print, at denverpost.com. his boy Henman just lost at wim-bore-dom. but, his COL avalanche just ink'd korea and "finding" teemu to one-year deals. alright, whats the number on COL to win it all???
moving on to WP apparel... i'm close to finalizing version 2.0 of all shirts. bottom line is that i will go with a color graphic of WP on the back of the shirts. version 1.0 was just that - it got us out of the gate. they aren't "mona lisa's" but, they spread the message. now, i'm stepping it up to a "prada" quality delivery. we should have that finalized within the week.
well, looks like ESPN viewers can get a dose of, "the 1994 worlds strongest steriod induced women, who resemble men, contest from madagascar" in place of ATH. there's a winner. also, we're happy to relay that we've received some radio interview requests regarding the site. of course we'll participate and promote: WP, diabetes awareness, McGriddle sandwiches, ATH and YOU!!!
on a serious note, please remember the father of Cain (a true "inner circle, WP.com ninja). Cain's father lost his leg recently due to diabetes related complications. also, i want to recognize young Laura Caroline Reynolds, a site frequenter and mailer who also suffers from diabetes. get educated everyone - go to the "links" link and check out the ADA.
alright, we're going to get a "guest FAQ/hot seat" link going. the first individual we're trying to get to participate is jay mariotti. jay was mailed a very comedic, tongue and cheek, FAQ similar to woodys (that is posted). but, i think jay needs some encouragement to reply with the quickness. a KIND e-mail from you to: sports@suntimes.com or jmariotti@suntimes.com may help the process. trust me, the questions are pure genius. non-stop laughter to follow when its posted. jay, i'm thanking you in advance for responding. plus, we have some other great ideas of whom will be sending further "guest FAQ/hot seat" questionnaire's too. stay tuned...
boun compleanno to mailer jeff from chicago. good luck to jigga T who enters the police academy on 7/7. delgado is out of his mind. the white sox aren't done yet (ponson to arrive soon)? again, lewis KO's vitali in a rematch - at a lower price. and, can someone send me a "hot" driver? my golf game needs a boost. have a safe 4th weekend everyone! if your gunna drink milk, and i've already started, have some cookies to go with it ; ) also, wouldn't it be nice to celebrate our independence from monotonous maximus?!?
7/01/03
MK, your mother would like ATH more if WP was on longer! WP = "eye candy". the female demographic demands it!
for starters, WP is wearing an "orange crush" throwback tie - sharp. holley is sporting full on, let out braids - first time for that. and, max looks like his mom dressed him for the dance... just a thought, i may count the number of mutes given out and to whom. you know the grave injustice WP suffers on this account. i may just have to prove a point.
WP starts off by hurling a "jabroni". to whom you ask??? to all those goofs i hope. note to self..., send WP a new glossary of "street" terms. Voice Almighty, please sprout some wings and slap MK one. its the first commercial already? what happened? couldn't have been anything important. at least ATH doesn't eliminate at the first commercial. if so, WP may have the shortest "shelf life".
B or S. barry sanders, deion sanders, mol flanders - who cares what they're doing! interestingsportstopicsplease.com. north korea has nuclear capabilities and paul korea is a free agent and wp.com does not care. we lost serious loot on the stanley cup and we're still pointing fingers. WP states that teamu "salami" is a hot free agent commodity - LOL. wp.com buys terrell owens for our fantasy football team. talk about doing something for charity... buy some WP apparel and have a % of that order go to the American Diebetes Association. we're all about being positive on this site. something is very, very wrong. WP survives the first elimination. jay, being that you got booted, why don't you spend your down time filling out and mailing back the FAQ i mailed you?!? in fact, wp.com site frequenters demand it!
WP brought and "dazzled" viewers with his pom pom prowess - LOL. WP does not like "controlling women" - YES. a true role model for all of MANkind! now what, we're eliminated?!? this is a complete miscarriage of justice. this ridiculous show, which is on only two days this week, dumps Paige early again... "show"killerman, the unemployment line is in your future - your near future.
alright paige-a-holics, for those of you who got in early, good for you. the rest of you have until 7/15 to take advantage of WP apparel at $15 (including shipping). no greed involved here, anyone who ever has had a shirt made nows that i'm basically giving these away. but, i'd like to write a fat check to the ADA sooner than later on your behalf and on WP's behalf. shirts go up to $20 (including shipping) post 7/16. they're still $100 a piece for kellerman.
the white sox got alomar and are headed for the world series! henman is still playing tennis in the UK. stacey kielber lead off RAW! last night and, i think, Kane may have killed bischoff - WOW. wp.com missed the rattlesnake. but, we did find out that a "jerhico5000" plasma is around $100k ; ) well, i might as well start drinking milk now in preparation for the daytona night race this saturday. let me just say this..., we get some of the greatest mail here. thanks from all of us! keep'em coming!
i'm certain i'll have something to say over the next 5 days. if you've got something to say, ATH related, and i like it, i'll post it. even better, give us a horse to bet, with reasoning, and i'll post it.
6/30/03
fresh off his 39th birthday bonanza weekend, WP is set to have a dominant ATH week...
MK states, "WP looks good in his uniform" - of course! take notes a get a tailor "show"killerman. whats new..., WP is -1 to start the show. how about trying something new for a change MK? as the rattlesnake would say - BORING! MIA to the ACC with MK going to the Discovery channel? wp.com will take that. WP starts to make great points re: pujols and gets muted for no reason. this is a joke. NOW! WP gets a chance to contribute and gets muted AGAIN! is MK 5'1"? what is his complex? this could be the obvious diagnosis of "woody envy".
B(utch) or S(undance). who cares what jordan is doing now?!? inneedoftopics.com. every sentence WP says ends in a mute. someone at Atlantic please get maximus idious some midol - Cheryl, can you assist? WP pleads his case for MK to mute his girlfriend, Ryan, for not properly offering a "buy or sell". ryan gets muted AND so does WP! Cheryl, make it extra strength...
well, that was fun. max, no one died and your not the king. you don't deserve the 213 shirts you ordered! sportin' WP apparel does not get you any closer to genius.
RAW! cannot get here soon enough... nascar under the lights this weekend at daytona. WP still has his boy, henman, alive at wim-bore-dom. i hope he wins. someone tell me if he does. also, a mailer suggested WP host ATH for a day. wp.com loves it! come'on Atlantic/ESPN lets see it...
6/28/03
ipi tombe was tough - like a near 1/9 should be. but, we got Desert Gold @ arlington and Voodoo Dancer @ hollywood. which means $profit$ no matter how you look at it.
fyi..., i'm working on a shirt that shows WP behind bars ("jail-like" style). its going to look like the "bars" are tall rectangles (like the four panels on ATH). but, WP is the only panel(ist) actually "behind" bars. i think i'm going with a "cannot be silenced" slogan. also, i should have some coffee mugs up soon. they'll have the standard and some new slogans.
as always, thanks for the support! cheers to the UK, west TX, south TX, FL, CO, MA, NY and the usual "deep" suspects: cain, p-man and BRtheIII. expectations for WP this week on ATH are high!!!! hey all..., do you want me to push a "FAQ" to another ATH panelist? if so, who? if i go with the idea, the premise of the FAQ will revolve around they're WP envy!
6/27/03 - *** update/news flash ***
did you all see "show"killerman getting serious face time to lead off the 5:00pm central time SportsCenter??? seriously, MK was the lead off commentator on about 7 different topics (none of which was boxing related). well, at least ATH got some pub. unfortunately, viewers received MK's typical "canned" responses/commentary.
espn must really see something in MK (which is good for the longevity of ATH). i guess he's young and has that cute facial hair. god forbid ATH is MK's proving ground for a sportcenter anchor role. bet the rest of the CHC v. CHW games to play "under" the posted total.
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