 |
| | Why
did I create this site? Why are you visiting this site? Are you sick of Top 10
lists? Why is the foul pole in fair territory? Well, in order: for fun, for fun,
I don't care, I don't know…
Hopefully, I can come up with some interesting
Top 10's regarding Woody, sports, gambling, entertainment, wrestling, UFO's, etc… |
| | |
| | Top Ten Reasons Woody misses an ATH taping
|
| | | | | 10. |
Half price lap dances at the Love Lounge |
| | 9. |
He winds up in the ER after choking on peanuts from the bottom of an RC bottle |
| | 8. |
He wasted the one call the cops gave him on his bookie |
| | 7. |
Two flat tires on his Winnebago in one day, Who'd a thunk it? |
| | 6. |
Busy inking deal for his own show on FOX after "I'Max" gets canned |
| | 5. |
When Hef said it was 5 Woody thought he meant AM |
| | 4. |
Fell in the vat on the Coor's tour again |
| | 3. |
Couldn't find a tie to match a chartruese shirt |
| | 2. |
He went off-roading in Norway with Teemu Selanne |
| | 1. |
Wouldn't you skip work a lot if you had to look at Reali and Mariotti every day? |
|
| | |
| | |
| | Top Ten Things Overheard At The ATH Company Picnic
|
| | | | | 10. |
"Hey, who invited that Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?” “oh, its Reali…” |
| | 9. |
"Hurry, get to the keg! I just saw Bob Ryan get out of the port-a-potti" |
| | 8. |
"Woody, the invitation said bring your family, not playmates…" |
| | 7. |
"I hear the “I, Maximus Still Boringus” party is catered by the Kosher Nosh" |
| | 6. |
"Get Puke away from the DJ, haven’t we heard enough Amy Grant" |
| | 5. |
"Ewwww…, Mary Otti’s back hair clogged up the pool drain again" |
| | 4. |
"Who's idea was it to invite Norman Chad?” |
| | 3. |
"No Holley… a bake off is a cooking contest, “you know, like food?" |
| | 2. |
"Get a net!”, “Ryans teeth are in the punchbowl again" |
| | 1. |
"That damn Paige won the three legged race again this year" |
|
| | |
| | |
| | Top Ten Good Things about Stat Girl Hosting
|
| | | | | 10. |
All the fluff of Kellerman with half the calories |
| | 9. |
The need to prove one's "urban-ness" has subsided |
| | 8. |
Now we know where Regis' suits from " Millionaire" went |
| | 7. | He finds Woody's antagonizing humor as quaint as we do
|
| | 6. | Even two days without a Yankee topic is a Godsend
|
| | 5. | Your return on haircare product stock is on the rise
|
| | 4. | Until now I never realized the show had flow |
| | 3. | That facial hair was beyond annoying… |
| | 2. |
Big teeth are making their biggest comeback since "Lil Red Riding Hood"
|
| | 1. | It's nice to see a young boy who really knows how to wear his makeup
|
|
| | |
| | |
| | Top ten reasons I'm glad WP.com is back online |
| | | | | 10. |
Easy way to fulfill my New Year's resolution of wasting 7 minutes a day |
| | 9. |
Nobody ever replies to my message board jokes on MarriottiUnabrow.com |
| | 8. |
Best place to find McGriddle banter |
| | 7. | Now my girlfriend can't say all i do is look up porn on the internet |
| | 6. | WP.com being back online means the warden probably gave John his TV privileges back too |
| | 5. | Decrypting John's recap to find secret coded messages to Katie Couric |
| | 4. | Makes me feel like part of a community of men who like older men wearing too much makeup |
| | 3. | Two words: Hub Bub |
| | 2. |
Just knowing Woody has at least one more fan than Plashcke helps me sleep better at night |
| | 1. | wp.com a great place for people using search engines to find "Woody Woodpecker" or "Paige Davis" |
|
| | |
| | |
| | Top Ten Good Things About Mariotti's Consecutive Shows Streak
|
| | | | | 10. |
Thousands of talentless sportswriters have hope they can get a TV gig too |
| | 9. |
The unabrow is coming back in style for the first time since Genghis Kahn |
| | 8. |
Knowing that when Mariotti makes "The Showdown" that ad for male enhancement drugs always seems to run |
| | 7. | Thinking that Capone is number two on the list of Italians who give Chicago a bad name |
| | 6. |
If Mariotti took a day off I'd have to wait 27 minutes longer to hear some dope blabber about Chicago sports( Sory Wilbon)
|
| | 5. | From 4 to 4:30 the mens room at The Chicago Sun Times doesn't smell like tuna and sauerkraut like it does earlier in the day |
| | 4. | Watching Mariotti makes me nostalgic for my "bachelor" Uncle Bobby's knee rides |
| | 3. | Everyday I hope the "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" boys will break in his booth and start plucking
|
| | 2. |
At least that streak doesn't belong to Plascke |
| | 1. | Praying that one day that Roger Ebert will walk behind the booth and moon Max. |
|
| | |
| | |
| | Ten best things about "ATH" when Woody is away |
| | | | | 10. |
Now i can watch "I dream of Jeannie” on TVLand guilt free |
| | 9. |
Being aware that Plaschke is still the baldest panelist |
| | 8. |
Energy saved from lack of muting lets everyone in DC leave one extra light bulb on |
| | 7. | Without anyone to “straighten people out”, a rumble always breaks out in the "ATH" cafeteria |
| | 6. |
Knowing Katie Couric is undoubtedly busy as well |
| | 5. | The Denver Post parking lot has 3 extra spaces without Woody's Winnebago present |
| | 4. | Adande has more airtime to say nothing |
| | 3. | The Disembodied Voice doesn't have to hide his "special" brownies |
| | 2. |
Kellerman can turn his hatred of super cool old guys towards, towards, … well, towards someone else! |
| | 1. | Knowing Woody will be back |
|
| | |
| | |
| | Woody Paige’s Favorite Tie Colors |
| | | | | 1. |
Orange Crush |
| | 2. |
Jake Plum |
| | 3. |
Guinness and Bass: Black and Tan |
| | 4. | McGriddle Gray |
| | 5. |
Barney's Dinosaur Pal Lavender |
| | 6. | Mariotti Una-brow-n |
| | 7. | Stone Cold Steve Auburn |
| | 8. | Stripper Red |
| | 9. |
Ted Williams Ice Blue |
| | 10. | Crayola Katie Couric Nude |
|
| | |
| | |
| | What to do with your new Woody Paige apparel |
| | | | | 1. |
Use it as a dust rag |
| | 2. |
“Re-give” it as a present |
| | 3. |
Brandish it as a weapon |
| | 4. | Offer it in a trade for food stuffs |
| | 5. |
Add it to the fire |
| | 6. | Wear it as a hat |
| | 7. | Build a kite with it |
| | 8. | Put it on the Christmas tree |
| | 9. |
Utilize it as a substitute for Kleenex |
| | 10. | Hold other ATH panelists hostage with it |
|
| | |
| | |
| | ATH
would fail without Woody Paige because... |
| | | | | 1. |
They’d lose the female demographic |
| | 2. |
Its written in Woody’s contract |
| | 3. |
Stone Cold says so |
| | 4. | You
wouldn’t see the latest fashion trends |
| | 5. |
You don’t get champagne on
a beer budget |
| | 6. | Kellerman
would lose his “father figure” and be forced to resign |
| | 7. | The
U.N. voted as such |
| | 8. | Paige
= “street rep.” |
| | 9. |
No one tunes into programs
delivered in “mono” |
| | 10. | As
an alternative, people would rather clean gutters |
|
| | |
| | |
| |
Why
even care about Woody Paige? |
| | | | | 1. |
He cares about you |
| | 2. |
Because |
| | 3. |
He's reason enough to watch
Around The Horn |
| | 4. | His
real first name is Tiger. His middle name is Woody. Coincidence? I don't think
so. |
| | 5. |
Same as #2 |
| | 6. | He
receives as much respect as Vince McMahon |
| | 7. | He
will be the next President |
| | 8. | He
knows someone from Colorado. Do you? |
| | 9. |
He's known as "LL Cool W" -
Ladies Love Cool Woody |
| | 10. | He's
been romantically linked to Anna Kournikova |
|
| | |
